Green Heart Guidance
  • Home
  • About Elizabeth
  • Specialties
    • Healing Trauma, Abuse and Loss
    • Health Challenges and Chronic Illness
    • Pregnancy and Infant Loss
    • Healing Messages
    • Pet Services
    • Remote Home Viewings
    • Green Living
    • Organic Eating and Food Sensitivities
  • Guidance
    • Consultation Fees
    • Classes
    • CEU Seminars
    • Client Forms >
      • Liability Form
      • Policies and Procedures Agreement
      • New Client Information
      • New Pet Client Information
      • Bereavement Questionnaire
    • Payment Options
  • Blog
  • Contact Me

The Absence of Maternal Love

5/9/2015

0 Comments

 
The Absence of Maternal Love by Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D. (The toxic legacy of narcissistic mothers.)
Many popular memes and quotes assert ideas about the amazing, boundless love of mothers for their children. A sampling from the internet turns up:
  • “The love of a mother and her child is like none other.” ~Vicki Reece 
  • “A daughter is just a little girl who grows up to be your best friend.”
  • “The memories that a mother leaves are cherished forever.” 
  • “No matter how old you get, a mother’s love is still a real comfort.” ~Stephanie Linus
  • “A mother’s love is the heart of a family.”
  • “A mother’s love is instinctual, unconditional, and forever.” ~Revathi Sankaran
  • “A mother is your first friend, your best friend, your forever friend.”
  • “A mother’s love is endless.”
  • “The love between a mother and daughter is forever.”
  • “Being a mother doesn't mean being related to some
  • one by blood. It means loving someone unconditionally and with your whole heart.”
  • “A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” ~Agatha Christie
  • “The love of a mother for her child is undeniably the strongest emotion in the soul.”  ~Sandy Richards
  • “Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.” ~Marion C. Garretty 
  • “A mother’s love is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking. It never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking.” ~Helen Steiner Rice

These sayings are true… except when they’re not. Unfortunately, for the children of narcissistic mothers, they’re often just myths, and reading quotes like these may just amplify a pain in their hearts for the loss they've experienced in life. They've never had the experience of having a truly loving and giving mother.

No mother is perfect: They’re all human. All mothers make mistakes. However, the issues that exist between narcissistic mothers and children, though, aren't simply matters of misunderstanding or parent-child conflict. They run far deeper. This is because people with narcissistic personality disorder are unable to love others in an unconditional way. Instead, their love is self-oriented: Narcissists see other people, including their children, as existing to meet their own needs. The narcissists simply don’t have the emotional ability to love others as they need and deserve to be loved.

The Dalai Lama has written, “Love is the absence of judgment.” For the children of narcissists, they may never have experienced true love. Instead, they’ve felt a painful and conditional set of demands from mothers who disrespect the children’s needs. As these children grow, their own relationships with their spouses will often suffer unless a great deal of personal growth and therapy is involved. Because the children have been involved in toxic parental relationships all their lives, they may not recognize what a healthy love looks like, and instead, they will marry or partner with others who will continue the judgmental pattern of “love” that began with narcissistic mothers in childhood.

As Mother’s Day approaches, the plethora of praise of mothers will be abundant in the social media world, and those words may add more pain to already deep wounds. For those who are seeking to heal their own wounds, I highly recommend the book Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride, Ph.D. This work examines the toxic legacy of which narcissistic mothers create in their daughters. A great deal of the book is oriented towards those who are still in toxic relationships with their mothers or who want to maintain relationships with their mothers despite the emotional abuse they perpetrate. Only a small portion of the book acknowledges the option of ending a relationship with a narcissistic maternal abuser (as I personally chose to do). However, reading this book was an eye-opening experience for me, helping me realize that I wasn’t alone in the world of narcissistic abuse and how it influenced my life, my career, and my former marriage. I’ve since recommended the book to many other women who have narcissistic mothers, and most of them had the same response: “It’s not just me!”

This Mother’s Day, if you aren’t experiencing the love that our Judeo-Christian society dictates is necessary for children to feel for parents, remember that love is a two way street. In relationships with narcissistic abusers, you are under no obligation to praise those who may have hurt you. Finding peace with those abusers and with yourself for what you’ve experienced in life can go a long way towards a happier life. You never have to condone what the narcissists have done to you, but understanding how and why they treat(ed) you the way they do/did can make it easier to respond to them from a place of compassion. In turn, this will help you find a place of peace rather than living in a state of pain, fear or anger.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Join our newsletter list

    Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D.

    Holistic Life Coach and
    Intuitive Energy Healer

    Categories

    All
    Abuse
    Announcements
    Body
    Body Mind Spirit
    Chronic Illness
    Crystals
    Death
    Disabilities
    Family
    Gender
    General Guidance
    Green Living
    Helping Others
    Holidays
    Infant Loss
    Inspirational Mantras
    Lyme
    Marriage And Divorce
    Meditation
    Metaphysical Gifts
    Mind
    Multiple Chemical Sensitivities
    Narcissism
    Natural Healing
    Nutrition
    Parenting
    Past Lives
    Personal Growth
    Pets
    Popular Culture
    Pregnancy And Childbirth
    Product Recommendations
    Reviews
    Sexuality
    Spirit
    Spirituality And Religion
    Stress Release
    Subsequent Pregnancy After A Loss
    The Other Side
    The Single Life
    Trauma
    World Events

    Archives

    December 2024
    January 2023
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    May 2021
    April 2021
    January 2021
    November 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    January 2018
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013

    RSS Feed

Services

Green Living
Healing Messages and Intuitive Energy Work
Health Challenges and Chronic Illness
Organic Eating and Food Sensitivities
Pet Psychic Services
Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Remote Home Viewing

About Green Heart Guidance

About Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D.
Contact Elizabeth
Consultation Fees
Client Forms

Social Media

​Facebook
Flickr
Goodreads
Instagram

LinkedIn
Pinterest
Spotify
Twitter
Youtube
Subscribe to GHG's Newsletter