(spoiler alert and trigger alert regarding the death of a child)

My kids and I continue to work our way through Star Trek: The Next Generation. We’re now watching season 7. In episode 7, Counselor Deanna Troi’s mother Lwaxana Troi is aboard the Enterprise as a diplomat assisting with communications with a telepathic race. In the process of working with this new species, Lwaxana begins to have debilitating fatigue and headaches. The medical doctors and others on the crew suspect that her overuse of her telepathic abilities with this new species has drained her. Eventually, Lwaxana collapses and enters what we would describe as a coma.

However, the truth about Lwaxana’s collapse was far more dastardly than just exhaustion. One of the members of the telepathic species, Maques, believes that there is a part of Lwaxana’s mind that she has shut down. As Deanna and Commander Will Riker investigate the past to see what Lwaxana might be repressing, they find a great number of missing years in Lwaxana’s journals, supporting Maques’ theory that there is something major that Lwaxana is hiding. Eventually through a mind meld of sorts, Deanna is able to help her mother’s subconscious process the truth about a situation that was so painful that she’d had to deeply repress it until it festered and caused her body to collapse. The trauma involved was that Lwaxana’s oldest daughter Kestra (Deanna’s older sister whom she’d never previously known about) died in a tragic accident when Deanna was only a baby.  Lwaxana blamed herself for the death of her elder daughter. The pain of losing her child was so excruciating that Lwaxana tried to block it all out so that she could avoid and forget the pain.  Eventually that mental and emotional pain caught up with her and shut down her body.

This isn't science fiction. While the details of the case are very much fictional, the reality of how the body, mind and spirit interact is true.  It is entirely possible for us to store our pain in our mind and our body eventually leading to our body’s collapse. For most of us this process doesn't result in a spontaneous coma. Instead, we have unexplained back pain, fibromyalgia, the flu or cancer among many other health issues. I am in no way denying that all of these conditions have physical, biological roots as well. The flu, for instance, is a virus. However, why is it that with two people in the same family with the same diet one might get the flu every year while the other never gets sick? Clearly genetics may play a role, but stress and other life experiences also condition our bodies to be predisposed to illness or health.

As someone who has experienced the unexpected and tragic death of a child, I know firsthand that it is something that is so traumatic that it could eventually destroy our health if we do not thoroughly process our grief about the situation. The pain that a child dying causes is unlike any other pain in the world.  It’s excruciating. Every day the bereaved parents wake up to feeling that part of their future has been stolen from them. Their empty arms may literally ache from the absence of their child, and they almost certainly will feel the pain of heartache in their chests. In my case, it took thirteen years of work in order to fully process the pain that came from my daughter’s death, in part because I thought I had already processed it all. I didn't realize that there were subconscious memories stored in my body that I still needed to release. Once I finally released those traumatic emotions, I finally found true peace around my daughter’s death.

When we face health challenges, it is important that we work not just to eliminate the pathogens or the pain but that we also relieve and release the emotional pain that is often behind our poor health. This is not always something straightforward and easy. It sometimes takes time to find the roots of our pain or illness and work through them. This process is entirely possible, but oftentimes it requires the assistance of a professional such as me to clarify the issues behind the problems. Lwaxana needed the assistance of Maques and Deanna to go into her mind and find her issues. While I definitely can’t meld with anyone’s mind, I can speak with higher powers who help me find issues stored within the bodies of clients so that they can release whatever is making them ill. I've gone through this process myself; it is what helped me to regain my health after many medical professionals had given up on me. Working with the mind-body-spirit connection can provide incredible healing for us in the real world just as it did for Lwaxana Troi in the fiction of the 24th century.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

If you want to know God, enjoy the company of lovers. ~Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks

I have an account with many boards on Pinterest that I use for collecting work related articles and pictures.  Because I have boards about relationships and spirituality, Pinterest will often suggest pins to me that are about traditional Christian marriage values.  While I can see where the algorithm is getting the idea these articles might be of interest to me, it couldn't be further from the truth in pinpointing my beliefs.

Lately I’ve been seeing quite a few pins that are variations on the idea that “True Love Always Waits.”  Someone in the Universe must be encouraging me to do some deep healing because this is a very touchy (no pun intended) issue for me based on my personal history. I was raised Catholic and attended an all-girls' Catholic school from grades 6-12. As is required by Catholic teachings, we learned that sex before marriage was a sin. We also learned that boys who pushed us for sex rather than waiting didn't really love us. As young women, we were not expected to actually want to have sex except under pressure from our dates.  These ideas are wrong on so many levels, and in many cases, they are psychologically damaging.

To start with, I do not believe that sex before marriage is a sin.  In my view, sex is an intimate connection between two people. I believe it is sacred, and I believe that it can bring us closer to God.  However, I also believe it can be a lot of fun and can help bond a couple regardless of their marital status. For many people, marriage is no more than a legal piece of paper. It in no way reflects the commitment and love shared by the couple in most cases.  It’s merely a formality for the sake of society.

The idea that sex belongs in marriage began for two different reasons. The first was a male dominated culture that wanted to ensure that the bride was a virgin who would only bear the fruit of her husband’s loins. The second was an attempt to prevent the spread of STDs.  The first is obviously irrelevant in today’s age of genetic testing. The second is still a legitimate concern, though we now have condoms to help with it.

When I was in high school taking a required love and marriage class in my senior year, the concept of sexual compatibility was not even remotely discussed. Sex was presented as having a magic formula of one man and one woman. With a little foreplay thrown in to satisfy the woman, that’s all that a couple needed to have a successful sexual relationship.  The reality of that couldn't be further from the truth. Sex between two amazing people who love each other can still be truly awful if the chemistry is not there or if their sexual preferences are not in alignment with each other. Getting stuck in an unhappy marriage without sexual compatibility is a realistic situation when one believes that sex should not happen until after marriage.  No amount of love or therapy can fix a situation like this.

Another topic that was very much omitted in high school and in our society in general is the idea of women wanting sex: That’s completely healthy and normal. However, if you pay attention to magazine article titles while standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, you’ll quickly notice that our society functions on a misguided belief that all women have low sex drives and all men have high sex drives.  Women aren't supposed to want sex in the same way men do. That means that for women who do want to have sex but are partnered with a man who wants to wait, they can end up feeling like misfits, sexual freaks of nature or undesirable women.

Another common line is that men only want sex for pleasure's sake but that they don’t really love women if they have sex before marriage.  Men wanting sex absolutely doesn't mean they don’t love the women involved.  It means they are human.  When men are wanting sex alone with no emotional involvement or commitment, women may find that situation to be problematic. However, there are a lot of variations between the two extremes.  Finding that fine line of knowing he loves you and wants you for more than just your body is hard, especially when one is young.  However, it’s entirely possible that a man may want to have sex with a woman before marriage to show his love and develop intimacy.

Then there’s that horrible idiom, “Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free?” This line implies that if a woman gives a man sex before marriage, he’ll never marry her.  Aside from the terrible idea of comparing women to farm animals, this saying denigrates both men and women.  Women are not objects to be bought or sold.  Not all men are unable to control their sexual urges nor are they out to just use women for sex.  Many do have good intentions at heart.

In today’s modern world, marriage is not always a viable or practical option. When my ex and I were dating, we were in high school and college; marrying would have meant that we would have lost our health insurance policies through our parents' employers. I have heard of other situations where elderly widows and widowers can’t afford to remarry because they would lose their late spouse’s pension and therefore would not be able to support themselves even meagerly in retirement.  I know another couple who has chosen not to marry because it would cost them tax benefits on the two homes they own, one under each of their names.  Sadly, finances are an important part of survival in our world.

In my own relationship with my ex-husband, the “true love waits” idea was a huge problem for us.  We both grew up Catholic; my ex was far more strict in his moral beliefs than I was, though.  (Ironically, he’s now an atheist.)  He came from a family where sexuality wasn't ever a topic of discussion except to say how wrong sex was before marriage.  Like most young humans, my ex deeply absorbed those views that were being presented to him.  The problem arose when my ex and I had been dating for far too many years to remain celibate (5+ years before we married). There’s no magic number of how long any couple should or shouldn't wait. However, in our case, not having sex actually became very damaging to our relationship after several years even though all those Catholic tales swore that having sex before marriage was the damaging thing. My ex-husband eventually realized much later that his previous views were damaging to our relationship, and he regretted them. His apology during marriage therapy gave me an amazing amount of relief, though it didn't happen soon enough to prevent a great deal of pain in our relationship twenty years earlier.

So what do I teach my children? I have taught them that sex is intimate and powerful. It can be amazing in the right circumstances but it also can be emotionally painful and damaging if it happens in the wrong circumstances. My general belief is that if you’re not willing to deal with the logical consequences of sex (getting pregnant, a realistic risk since no birth control method aside from complete abstinence is 100% reliable), then you shouldn't be having sex. It’s just basic logic to me. Once you’re in a place in your life where you could support and raise a child, then you should wait to have sex with someone who truly cares about you and respects you. That person should see you as a whole person, not just a body to provide physical pleasure. Sex should be a part of an intimate relationship with your partner, an act that brings you closer together regardless of your marital status.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

Following the series finale of Glee just a few weeks ago, I have been listening to some of the music of various cast members on Spotify. In particular, Matthew Morrison (a.k.a. Will Schuester on Glee) starred in a Broadway version of South Pacific. His version of “You've Got to Be Carefully Taught” really caught my ear.  Thetongue-in-cheek lyrics proclaim:

You've got to be taught before it's too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You've got to be carefully taught!

South Pacific originally premiered on Broadway in 1949. These lyrics are such powerful words that are still so true 65 years later. Our children are blank slates at birth upon whom we make great impressions. Children come into the world loving, caring, and blind to the social categories that previous generations have created. It’s only when others tell them that skin color is problematic or someone’s sexual orientation is wrong that they begin to believe such untruths.

Recent events in Indiana and elsewhere continue to demonstrate that there are still plenty of haters in the world, and as Taylor Swift has duly noted, “haters gonna hate.” However, it’s never too late or too difficult for each of us as individuals to show love and acceptance rather than hatred and discrimination. As author Shakti Gawain writes, "Transformation begins on an individual level and moves out into the world."  If all of us make changes as individuals, we’ll become role models for future generations who won’t be taught to hate.  And if each of us changes individually, eventually the majority of our society will have changed as well. It’s a slow grass-roots way of bringing about change, but it’s very effective. Change begins within each of us.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

This past week I was battling strain B of influenza.  It was not much of a battle though: I succumbed to hanging out on the couch reading and watching tv for the most part.  My one son was also home sick with it for the first two days so he guided the Netflix viewing on those days.

On my own on Wednesday evening, I watched Stonehearst Asylum which I had put into my queue some time ago.  Netflix has it categorized with a lot of horror movies, but I would describe it more as a mild psychological thriller.  I don't do horror movies, and I don't handle movies with a lot of violence or suspense, but I had no issues with most of this movie.

The movie begins in 1899 with a male Oxford University medical school lecturer presenting cases of medical illnesses to his students. The attitudes presented towards women and “hysteria,” a now-extinct description of emotional issues arising from the uterus, are horrifying but unfortunately accurate for beliefs of the time.  At the end of the scene, the doctor proclaims, "Thus, I caution you all, gentlemen, as you embark on your careers as alienists [psychiatrists], believe nothing that you hear and only one half of what you see."  Sadly, that’s not a 19th century attitude.  It’s one that many doctors, not just psychiatrists, still hold today.

As the movie unfolds, the main character of Dr. Edward Newgate meets a woman in the Stonehearst Asylum who is clearly suffering from what we would call PTSD but who is not mentally ill at a level that requires institutionalization.  One of their first discussions brought a great laugh to me:

Lady Eliza Graves:  Are you quite certain you're a doctor?
Edward Newgate, MD: Yeah, well, of course I am.
Graves:  Because I've never known one to apologize. Or, for that matter, give a damn who he offended.
Newgate: Well, I'm not like other doctors.

Again, it’s a sad truth that still applies to many doctors and healers today.  

As the movie progresses, we see what horrifying treatments of the period looked like; some are still in practice today including drugging patients into a manageable stupor.  We also get a glimpse into what it might be like if patients ran the asylum.  The difference in care is amazing.  During a concluding scene in the movie, the lead character Dr. Newgate tells another character in all sincerity and disgust, “You're mad.”  The other character retorts, “We're all mad, Dr. Newgate. Some are simply not mad enough to admit it.”  Again, it’s a statement that echoes with truth.

Stonehearst Asylum contains several surprising twists that kept me captivated all of the way to the end of the movie.  The themes of who is sane and who is mad continue to run through my head. The engaging characters also seem to have possessed my mind.  I really enjoy movies like this one that leave me with great thoughts for many days after.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

Back on March 9th, I was jolted awake during the night to receive a message from higher powers.  I saw a symbol that I think was representative of a car battery not working.  I knew when I saw the symbol that my car battery or alternator would be going out soon. This alone is not shocking. My car burns through 60 month batteries every 12-18 months.  It’s the first time I've gotten notice about it, though. So I began parking my car facing out in the driveway so that it would be easier to jump or tow. Usually my car won’t start first thing in the morning if this is going to be an issue.

Jumping forward to this week, my oldest son came back from a spring break trip with influenza B.  Within 24 hours, I had succumbed as well.  Any time my kids or I get sick, I check in with higher powers as to what would be the best treatment path for us.  For my son, it was a goldenseal blend plus vitamin C.  For me, I got told I needed vitamin D plus other things that I am already on because of my Lyme treatment.

Two days into the illness, I went to see my chiropractor.  We’d texted beforehand, so he knew I was coming in with the flu; he knew as I do that chiropractic work makes it much easier for my body to fight whatever it is up against.  The session went well and was not unexpected for me:  My body was more interested in talking about the Lyme that was rapidly dying off because of the fever the flu is inducing.  

On the way home, I ran into a local establishment where I had called in an order for several salads so that I wouldn't have to prepare foods over the next few days.  I was in the store for less than two minutes (and I took germ spreading precautions), but when I went back out to the car, it would not start.  I was feeling terrible and wasn't at home; this was not where I wanted to be stuck.  Mercifully, one of the employees was able to jump my car and chatted with me from a safe distance while we waited for enough juice to start my car.  

Five minutes later, the car died while I was going 55 mph on a major road coming home.  Thankfully, I was at the top of a hill, and when I got to the bottom of the hill, I was able to pull over next to an inlet area.  There wasn't enough power in the car for my flashers to even work.  The temperature was only in the 70s, but it was 100% full sun.  I grabbed my Kindle and went to sit over on the blacktop inlet.  Between my fever, the sun, and the blacktop, I was sweating up a storm for the half-hour until my ex-husband could get there and get my car going again.

I’m sure if outsiders were to listen in to my conversations with my spirit guides, many would think me a madwoman.  Most of us talk to ourselves, though not all of us get answers back from unseen others!  Once I got home from the whole ordeal, I complained to my spirit guides about how hot and sweaty I was.  Someone responded to me, “That was the point!”  Clearly they hadn't meant that I needed Vitamin D in a bottle:  They wanted me to get it straight from the source with a good deal of sweating included.  

What’s amazing is that after I napped when I got home, I woke up feeling WAY better than I had in the previous 48 hours.  All of that sun and sweat had done me good.  In addition, my body had been able to tolerate all the chemical exposures to the engine and exhaust toxins along this adventure.  Not so long ago, an event like this would have given me a fibro flare at a minimum and most likely a bonus migraine, too.  My liver is in better shape and is handling chemical exposures better.  

When crazy things happen around me, I trust that higher powers are involved and there is a reason for it all even if I can’t understand it all.  I now have a translation for that symbol I saw in my vision, plus I know that I can handle more than I previously could with regards to exhaust.  Moreover, this flu is serving a major purpose in my life of helping my immune system fight off the Lyme at a faster rate than it could previously.  Never would I have thought that I would be grateful for the flu or car trouble, but here I am, seeing these challenges as unexpected blessings in my life!

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

Lately I have been working on doing some groundwork for a singles' Meetup group that I will be starting in a few months; I will post widely when the group is announced.  As a result, I am perusing a bunch of books for the seminars.  In particular, I am looking for short prayers, meditations, and reflections on various topics that we’ll be discussing.  The following are reviews of a few of the books I have read.

The Little Book of Love by Kahlil Gibran and compiled by Suheil Bushrui is quite literally little measuring in at about 4” x 6” and having only 80 pages of content, many of which have abundant white space or dark illustrations.  This book must be aimed at young lovers because the font size is difficult for some of us who have crossed the 40 year age barrier.  Despite those issues, the book has a few beautiful quotes and would make a romantic gift or stocking stuffer for a loved one.  My heart would certainly melt to have a lover give it to me.  However, it seems to fall in the category of a “bathroom book” in my opinion: All of its short entries are easily read in brief sittings.

Quiet Mind: One Minute Mindfulness by David Kundtz offers approximately 180 short reflections for the reader.  This time the font is in a readable size!  Focused around the idea of finding quiet and peace in our crazy lives, the author approaches a wide range of topics from death to road rage to the arts to walking, all in two short pages a piece. The spirituality is non-denominational and refers to many different traditions throughout the book. I found most of the pieces (though not all) to be engaging and worth reading.  It’s an even better bathroom book than The Little Book of Love in my estimation!

Guided Meditation Scripts for Beginners by Amy Meyers and Sharon Whisler is a short e-book available in Kindle format for $2.99.  The book is great in some ways and disappointing in others.  The meditations are repetitive:  The four breathwork meditations are actually all the same foundation with a little more added on each time.  The chakra meditations don’t feel powerful enough to me to actually realign one’s chakras: They seem more suitable to simply bring attention to each chakra.  Many of the love meditations feel more like writing prompts than guided meditations, though one could argue that journaling can be a form of meditation.  However, several of the meditations will be perfect for me to use with my group.  For the small investment, I feel like I likely got my money’s worth.  It’s just not a book I would generally recommend to others looking to find guided meditation scripts.

The Celtic Spirit: Daily Meditations for the Turning Year by Caitlin Matthews is a compilation of 365 daily readings.  While the title asserts they are meditations, I think reflections or mini-history lessons are the more apt descriptions in many cases.  Some of the reflections are excellent; others are very weak, meandering through topics Matthews seems to have forced together in a way that doesn't feel natural.  Many of the readings were not engaging or thought provoking for me.  The topics also began to feel repetitious by the end of the year with multiple days focusing on topics such as trees and the grail.  The suggested “meditations” at the end of each reading are often actions, and some of those actions would take days or even months to complete.  While I appreciate those readings that were excellent, I felt overall the book was a weak effort.

Like many others, I am a fan of the poetry of Rumi.  There are many collections out there, so when I ordered The Book of Love: Poems of Ecstasy and Longing by Rumi and Coleman Banks, I had the expectation that this would be a book focused primarily on love.  In reality, only part of the book focuses on love.  Other sections focus on topics such as drunkenness and animals.  While I appreciated the academic tone of this book with helpful prefaces and footnotes, it simply wasn't what I was looking for. (The cover on the edition I received is also nowhere near as beautiful despite this being the promised edition.  It's a plain orange jacket.)

In contrast, Rumi: A Spiritual Treasury by Juliet Mabey was exactly on the mark.  A physically smaller book, the poetry contained in it is more accessible to the general population.  I loved the contents which actually focused on excerpts of spiritual poetry by Rumi.  The book is divided into various chapters on different aspects of the human relationship with God.  While the book is written in a traditional male perspective of God that doesn't fit with my personal beliefs, I was still able to enjoy its contents.

Finally, I thoroughly enjoyed Life Prayers from Around the World: 365 Prayers, Blessings, and Affirmations to Celebrate the Human Journey by Elizabeth Roberts.  The collection is grouped by topic rather than daily prayers as one might expect from the “365” in the title.  While it includes prayers and thoughts from many traditions, earth based spirituality is prevalent throughout.  The collection has many thought-provoking poems as part of these prayers.  Topics covered include all parts of the life cycle, moments of grace, justice, crisis and more.  I was captivated by most of the included works from start to finish.

I will be posting more meditation and prayer book reviews in April as I've got a stack of several more on my coffee table that I am working my way through!

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

Yesterday morning, I was greeted by a robin hopping down the sidewalk toward me. What a wonderful omen on the first day of spring!  As spirit animals, robins are seen as symbols of change, growth, release and new beginnings.  This symbolism certainly applies to the deep personal work I am doing right now.

In addition to being the spring equinox in the northern hemisphere, Friday also brought us a new moon and a solar eclipse.  The moon is also seen as a time of new beginnings and rebirth.  While they’ve brought great amounts of fear in centuries past, eclipses are now generally seen as signs of change, be it positive or negative.  All three of these celestial events (the new moon, the solar eclipse, and spring equinox) definitely have created an increase in spiritual energy over the past few days.  I know of many women who had a difficulty sleeping because of all that energy!

In my own life, the equinoxes and solstices are almost always powerful days of change and growth for me.  I can pretty consistently expect something major to happen for me on or around those days.  This spring was no different.  I’ve spent the past month working on the deep and dastardly spiritual root of the suffering I’ve encountered in this life.  Yesterday, that root began releasing, bringing a great deal of relief to the physical pain I endure.  I expect that I have another month’s worth of work on this issue before I am able to clear it completely, though I’m optimistically hoping it will be less time than that.

As a result, I’m going to be taking a bit of a sabbatical through the end of April, though if I am able, I will start working with clients sooner.  For now, all of this change, rebirth, and healing in my own life is taking the entirety of my metaphysical energy.  I know that this process, while very difficult on me physically, will only make me a better practitioner and person in the long run.  Blog posts in the next month will continue to be sporadic, but I will be posting as I can because the blogging I do on this site is part of my healing journey while simultaneously benefitting others.

Happy Spring!

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

When children are young, they have no sense of shame about their bodies until older humans teach them that their bodies are something to hide.  Modesty is not a trait that we are born with.  Any parent of a toddler or young child can affirm that.  When my kids were little, we used to call my youngest “the gingerbread man” after a Joe Scruggs song by the same name from a musical calledNot Afraid of the Dark.  In that song, a young child has gotten out of the tub and begins his/her/hir nightly streaking routine:

"Bathtime's over; I’m almost a prune.
Get your pajamas on ‘cause it’s bedtime soon.
Mom dries me off; she holds my pjs out
But I run past her and then I shout
Singing, 'Run, Run as fast as you can.
You can’t catch me; I’m the gingerbread man.'
Mom’s chasing me, my pajamas in her hand
She can't catch me; I'm the gingerbread man.
I run past Dad. He says I look cute
Running by in my birthday suit.
Mom's getting tired; she hands my pjs to dad.
And this is the most fun that I've ever had."

Young children love being naked.  It’s their natural state.  Yet we as adults try to hide nudity from our children.  We consider it taboo for children to see naked bodies.  This is more a reflection of our own fears rather than a need to protect them from something that is completely unnatural and dangerous:  The human body in its most natural state is nothing to be ashamed of or to fear.

However, most of us grow up, and we become conditioned by society to hide our bodies.  Even more problematically, we become ashamed of our bodies, too.  We learn from the media, from movies, and from others around us that if our body is anything less than perfect, we should not show or share it.  While most of our society doesn't endorse burqas, we do have ideals about what a “bikini body” is and who is entitled to wear a bikini.

Here's a shocker, though:  Most bodies don’t look like Photoshopped models.  We come in all shapes and sizes.  Many years ago, I stumbled upon The Shape of a Mother when I was looking for photos of twin skin to explain it to someone.  (Twin skin is the abnormally stretched and baggy abdominal skin that many mothers of multiples end up with after their pregnancies are over.)  I was thrilled to see someone trying to normalize what women's bodies look like after pregnancy.  More projects like this one such as Expose Photoshoot by Liora K Photography serve to help normalize women’s bodies as beautiful no matter what shape, size, or color they are.  Books like This is Who I Am: Our Bodies in All Shapes and Sizes by Roseanne Olson further the cause of accepting our bodies as they are.  Women don’t have to be skinny and smooth to be beautiful:  They are already perfect in their own right just by being themselves.

As I have reentered the dating world, I've found a very bizarre dominant idea that many middle-aged heterosexual men want women to have “perfect” bodies.  The men want the women to be skinny, fit, and for lack of a better term, future trophy wives.  The men who are willing to accept women who don’t live up to society's ideals of a perfect body are few and far between.  It seems that most men have absorbed the idea that women should look like models even if the men themselves aren't in the greatest shape.  I've heard from male friends that it’s true on the other side of the fence as well:  Most women want men who are athletic or at least slender in build.  It's a sad commentary on our society when looks are valued far more than personalities, talents, and abilities. 

So how do we go about changing these false ideals?  Projects such as the above ones help to breakdown the distorted notions of beauty that have been created in our society.  Boycotting dating sites such as Tinder which place an emphasis on looks over anything is a way to help squelch such practices.  Most importantly, we need to be teaching our children that they are so much more than the shape of their bodies.  We need to teach them not to be ashamed of their bodies.  They are amazing people no matter what they look like.  If we teach them to accept themselves just as they are, then perhaps future generations will be able to change our distorted ideals which use specific physical standards to judge beauty rather than looking at the whole person.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

For my entire life, I have sworn that I will never move to California.  I have been absolutely certain that half the state is about to fall into the ocean due to earthquakes.  When my ex-husband graduated from grad school, we had two options of where he could work given his specialty: Silicon Valley in California or Austin, Texas.  Given the cost of living in California and my prejudices against the whole state, we stayed in Austin.

Fast-forward 20 years, and I was watching the original Superman movie starring Christopher Reeve with my kids.  Suddenly I realized my childhood viewing of this movie was the origins of my prejudice in California:  The whole premise of that movie is that Lex Luthor is planning to create an earthquake that will drop half the state into the ocean in order to create new ocean front property so he can make a hefty profit.  I sat there in amazement and horror as I watched the film.  Had one movie really influenced my thought patterns that much for the majority of my life?

More recently, Fifty Shades of Grey is a movie that is having a much larger impact on our society.  When the book by E.L. James first became popular, friends of mine who are active in the local BDSM community came out strongly against the book.  Many of these people are highly educated, and their first critique was always about how terribly written the books in the series are.  Several told me not to bother reading the series because the writing errors would make the English teacher in me crazy.  I trusted the friends enough to believe them, so I have never even perused the books.  I don’t feel like I’m missing too much.

The next critique from my openly kinky friends was that the books are not representative of a healthy BDSM lifestyle. As many reviews, blogs, and articles have noted, the book (and its subsequent movie) does not reflect the ideals of safe, sane and consensual sexuality. Rather, Fifty Shades of Grey promotes a damaged relationship based on abuse.  This is not the healthy ideal of a sexual relationship nonetheless a healthy kinky relationship.

So how does this play out in its influence on our greater American culture?  On one hand, by being an antithesis of positive sexual relationships, Fifty Shades of Grey has certainly promoted many enlightening discussions about what healthy romantic and sexual relationships look like. It has also brought attention to the abuse suffered by many women.  The more that these issues are discussed, the more opportunities there are for people to learn and grow.

On the other hand, there has been an increase of Christian Grey wanna bes on dating websites.  In some cases, these men are harmless:  They’ve been inspired by the movie to explore their kinky sexual sides.  More power to them for wanting to find out more about themselves.  However, in many other cases, it’s clear that something much more sinister is at work. There has also been an uptick in angry sadistic men looking to vent their violent emotions on women as they mimic Christian Grey.  In one profile I viewed recently, a very bitter man began his profile with a profanity laden tirade about how horrible all women are, but then he ironically wanted to find women who would submit sexually to his desires.  His profile picture was a teddy bear whose face had been eviscerated leaving Polyfil stuffing falling out.  I can only hope that any woman who reads his profile will recognize as clearly as I did that this man has serious issues and likely needs professional help, not a whipping girl.  This is the negative side of Fifty Shades of Grey:  People who feel validated in their anger and abusive actions against the opposite sex.  

Movies have a greater power to shape mass and individual consciousness than many of us realize.  Most people are well aware of the potential impact of violent video games upon children teens, but the impact of movies upon our consciousness is not as well recognized. Entertainment is not just fun:  It shapes our culture, our ideas, our desires, and our prejudices. The titillating nature of Fifty Shades of Grey propelled it to the forefront of our discussions, but let’s hope that it also creates a positive impact in the long run by shining light on the issue of abuse in our society. 

As for my part, I am now aware of the roots of my California prejudice.  Recognizing the basis of that fear of mine has liberated me.  I hope to travel to California in the next few years, and I've actually opened my mind to the possibility of even moving to northern California once my kids are grown!  

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

In recent months, my kids and I have been watching Star Trek: The Next Generation.  I watched a bunch of the episodes back in the 1990s in reruns, but this is the first time around for my kids.  It’s been fun seeing their reactions to the series, especially to “‘80s hair” which they love to ridicule.  For me, I’m seeing totally different things this time around than I saw twenty years ago.

In season six, many of the episodes at the beginning of the season were appealing to me for how insightful they actually are.  One episode in particular, “Realm of Fear,” deals with psychological phobias.  As a clear parody to fear of flying in our time, Lieutenant Barclay has a severe fear of transporting.  Ship’s counselor and empath Deanna Troi teaches Barclay a Betazoid relaxation technique known as plexing.  To engage in plexing, the person who is experiencing fear taps on a point on the neck behind the ear.  This point corresponds with gallbladder 12 in Chinese acupuncture; one of its uses is actually for regulating and calming the spirit.

As I watched this episode and as Troi began teaching Barclay about flexing, I immediately thought, “That’s basically EFT!”  EFT is short for Emotional Freedom Technique, and it’s an increasingly popular method of conquering psychological, emotional, and physical issues.   I've known people who have used it for releasing stored trauma, for controlling stress and anxiety, and for weight loss among many other issues.  While it is always great to learn a method like this from an experienced practitioner who is also able to assist with issues that might arise along the way, there are videos on the internet to teach it to oneself.

In EFT, which is sometimes just called “tapping,” an individual taps on a series of acupuncture points while reciting a formulaic mantra that s/he/ze adapts to the specific situation at hand.  So, for example, if I were dealing with stage fright, I would tap on the designated series of points while reciting to myself, “I deeply love and accept myself, and I am an amazing actress who feels completely comfortable on the stage.”  I would recite this mantra as I worked my way through all of the EFT tapping points.

I was first introduced to EFT about eight years ago.  To be honest, I absolutely hated it when I was introduced to it.  It made me feel awkward.  The formulaic mantra did not work for me.  Nothing about it felt right.  However, I was open to trying it because I had several friends who absolutely loved it.  Despite my efforts, it just didn’t seem like the right approach to me, so I gave up on it.  

A couple of years later, I began working with a group of chiropractors who use a different set of tapping points across the entire body without a mantra as they help process stored trauma.  They tap on the patients using the points that show up during an applied kinesiology chiropractic session.  This set of points actually rings far more true for me, and I will often notice that some of those points are the ones that hurt when I am in emotional distress.

As I developed my intuitive abilities, I began pulling up emotional traumas from this life and past lives that I needed to work through.  As the deep painful emotions came to the surface, I began tapping on my own.  I listened to my intuition, and I tapped where I was being told.  Most of the points are the ones that the chiropractors I see use, some are EFT points, but others are acupuncture points that aren't commonly used for processing emotional pain.  They are ones that I need to use, though.  I then formulate my own mantra that works for me for that particular situation.  For example, sometimes the mantra is, “The past is the past; I am safe now.”  Other times it might be, “I am alive and healthy.”  Whatever the necessary mantra is, it quickly comes to mind for me and I am certain it is what I need to work through that issue.  On my own, I have used tapping to help clear various stored traumas.  I couldn’t imagine not having that skill to help me in my healing.

As I began talking to my youngest child after we watched the show, I told him that plexing was a version of a technique that therapists use to help people with stress.  His response was, “That’s real?”  It was a surprise to him that there a similar successful method for handling stress; he had assumed it was totally science fiction.  Plexing may be a science fiction, but EFT is definitely not.  It helps many people to release stored emotions in their bodies and to find a greater peace than talk therapy alone can provide.  If you are searching for a new therapist or life coach, I highly recommend working with one who uses EFT or one of the many other techniques out there for processing the traumas that might be holding you back.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC