Tears are sacred medicine. As an external expression of the heart, tears are a powerful source of healing. As we allow our tears to flow, they provide nourishing water for growth. -ejh

Yesterday the news began circulating on the internet that actor Scott Baio’s wife Renee has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. The headline from one article proudly proclaims that “she refuses to even shed one tear," a quote from Baio in the article which also talks about his wife's faith in God's plan. It saddens me that this viewpoint is still lauded in our society and that people are respected for being "so strong" when they do not cry even when being facing their own mortality. However, I believe that this cultural myth that stoicism is a sign of strength is actually very toxic. Crying does not show weakness. Rather, crying is a helpful way of releasing pain anddealing with emotion, both of which all humans need to do regularly during their lives. 

I grew up in a household where crying was frowned upon at best. Hiding one's emotions was the safest way to exist. As a result, I spent many years of my life not crying, stuffing emotions inside of me, repressing them, and denying them. I didn't think I was any worse off for it since our society lauds those who don't cry. However, what I didn't realize was that all the anger I was carrying around with me was a direct result of the repressed emotions I felt but didn't express. Instead of releasing them through a healthy means such as crying, theemotions were stored in my body. Quite a few of them ended up in my liver and gallbladder.

In more recent years, I have had to work through many of these stored emotions that I did not handle properly in the first place. In one case, I used the flower essence clematis because I was muscle testing for it. I didn't read anything about the essence; I just trusted the chiropractor who put me on it. The first thing that happned to me was that I cleaned my house for five hours. As someone with severe chronic fatigue syndrome, doing anything for five hours nonetheless cleaning was unheard of for me at that point. I decided there must have been caffeine in the remedy, so I Googled to find that Native Americans used clematis as a horse stimulant. Flower essences do not contain the actual herb: they are energetic formulas, so the fact that I responded like this was pretty impressive. After I collapsed in exhaustion from my burst of stimulated energy, I cried off and on for 24 hours. I have no idea why I was crying or what I was releasing, but it was clear that I needed to purge that stored emotion. 

On another occasion I used the homeopathic remedy Arsenicum album at the advice of a naturopath when I became blocked in my healing journey. When I went to a massage within 24 hours of starting the ars. alb., I ended up laying on the table and crying silently. Burning hot tears poured out of my eyes. Many massage therapists will tell you this is not uncommon: Massage can released stored emotional pain. I was not feeling sad during the process, but clearly some stored emotion or incident needed to be released from my body. After the crying stopped, I was hit with a burst of clarity. I suddenly understood what was blocking me from moving forward in my healing. The revelation after the tears helped me resume my path and led to some powerful healing.

More recently I had to remove a stored energetic body within my own corporeal body. When I asked how I picked up that particular entity, the higher powers refused to tell me exact details. They repeatedly told me that I didn't need to know the specific incident(s), but that it was related to uncried tears. I am sure that whatever trauma it was related to, whether from a past life or my present life, was something that they didn't want me to open at this time because it would not have served in my path of healing at this time.

Many years ago, I remember calling a friend who answered the phone obviously in tears. I asked if anything was wrong, and she said no, she was just having a good cry. Our society would be so much healthier if we could all understand the importance of emotional release through tears. A good cry every once in a while can do most people a lot of good. Tears can be a great sign of someone who works through their emotions, while someone who refuses to cry is often someone who is repressing and storing unhealthy emotions. Eventually, in one way or another, those emotions will manifest in their body often through disease and other intense distress.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

Many therapists and life coaches are fond of journaling or writing as a way to release emotions.  Occasionally, I find it very helpful to use writing to bring issues to consciousness.  However, I have found for me personally, the act of writing about something doesn’t actually release the stored trauma.  For that, I need to do metaphysical or physical work after the journaling has begun the process.  

On the many occasions when I have used journaling or freewriting in order to help me get all my ideas out on paper, I find it helps me to see patterns in the issues I was dealing with.  I have also written many unsent letters to people to help me get closure when getting true closure wasn’t possible.  I use both the old fashioned pen and paper method as well as composing on a computer.  It depends on what I am processing as to which method feels better for me. For me, prose is the best way of voicing my thoughts and emotions.  For others, though, writing poetry and song lyrics can be more helpful.  Regardless of what specific approach works for you, getting things on paper can be a great way to understand your emotions. 

So where to start?  Many people suffer from a brain freeze when faced with a blank piece of paper and a writing device.  If you are working with a therapist or life coach, that person may be able to help guide you in selecting topics that would be great for you to write about.  If you’d like to do some emotional exploring on your own, I have created some general prompts below.  Some of these are easy prompts that may not stir up much for you; others have the potential to trigger a great deal of pain.  In those cases, I highly recommend you work with a life coach or therapist to help you process the pain that will surface in the process.  Working with a practitioner who facilitates holistic healing using processes such as energy work, EFT, EMDR, or other methods can help to fully release the issues after you’ve brought them to the surface through writing.  This can bring about healing that is not otherwise possible for many.

Prompts:

• What is my happiest memory (or memories) of childhood?  Why did this event or situation bring me such joy?  How can I find similar joy in my life today?
• What is my worst memory of childhood?  Who was involved with it? How did that event make me feel then?  How does it make me feel now?  What emotions do I have towards the person or people involved in that situation?  Do I feel like this situation still impacts me today?  How and why?  Do I need to do more work to help clear this trauma from my system?
• Who was my closest friend(s) in childhood?  What did we do together?  Why did I enjoy the company of this person?
  
• Who was the person who brought me the most pain in childhood?  Why was that person able to hurt me so much?  What do I feel toward that person now?  Have I forgiven them for their actions?  What do I need to do to find a way to forgive them?  
  
• Who is the person whom I have felt the most love from as an adult?  What does this person do to make me feel loved? How do I respond to this person? How can I deepen or strengthen my relationship with this person?
  
• What situation in my life currently brings me the most stress?  Why does this situation stir up such strong issues for me?  Are there underlying issues from my past that relate to this situation?  How do I help support myself during this stressful situation?  Can I be doing more to reduce my stress?  What is my perspective or role in this situation and the issues that it causes me?
  
• In five years, what do I want to be different in my life?  What will need to change for that to happen?  What can I be doing every day to help bring about that change?
  
• Why do I seem to have the same romantic relationship with people over and over again?  What is the pattern that is there?  Why does this pattern occur?  Is there a parallel to any of my relationships in childhood or in a past life?  What can I do to break free of this pattern?
  
• Why did I choose my current job or profession?  Does it bring me happiness?  How can I make my employment situation better for myself?
  
• What do I feel my purpose is in this life?  Am I working towards that purpose?  What can I do to change my life to be in line with that purpose?  Is there anything else I can I do that will support me in my life journey?
  
• What is my financial situation like?  How do I want it to change?  What can I do to make it change?  Do I have emotional issues around money?  Where do those issues come from? What can I do to release those issues?  
  
• What is the most spiritual experience I’ve ever had?  Why was that particular experience so powerful for me?  Do I attempt to recreate that experience for myself on a regular basis?  Do I seek out other amazing spiritual experiences?  How could I work towards such a goal?
  

© 2015 Green Heart Guidance

Amazon periodically offers books for free for Kindle.  One of theses recent books was You Are Allowed to Laugh: The Guide to a Life of Laughter and Fun by Tamar Shinboim Asayag (Author), Ofir Albag (Illustrator), and Liron Albag (Translator). From the start, it’s easy to tell that You Are Allowed to Laugh is written by a non-native speaker of English.  However, when I went back to the title page and discovered that it was translated to English, I was even more disgruntled by its poor translation.  I certainly would not attempt to write a book in another language, but if I had one translated, I’d make sure I also had a native speaker proofread the translation.  Some of the translation errors are minor.  Others create some major problems with connotation and understanding.  At one point the author declares that it’s “okay to fool around” (33%).*  To a native American English speaker, that phrase means that it’s ok to have a sexual affair.  What Asayag actually meant was that it’s ok to act silly at times.  Those are two very different things!  Another sentence declares, “You should share others with your kindness” (77%).  Even after reading that section, I’m still not sure what that sentence was meant to say!

The illustrations are fine in terms of artistic skill, but they are often terrible in terms of content.  In one depiction, a young child is crying while another has a lollipop and is laughing at the crying child (29%).  This is called bullying, and it’s not something to laugh about.  Likewise, there is an illustration of a groom smashing a wedding cake into his bride’s face (33%).  Wedding cake smashing is immature, petty, and inappropriate.  It’s not something to laugh at.

Many of Asayag’s ideas don’t feel like they’ve been reviewed by a modern psychologist.  In one section, the author declares that “You can make fun of yourself” (65%).  Being able to laugh at one’s mistakes is a sign of maturity and healthiness; making fun of oneself because of low self-esteem is a totally different story and is a sign of a major problem.  Along the same lines, the author doesn’t see the problems in taking “boring routine tasks, and turn them into a game or competition” (26%).  Competition can be very detrimental to building positive relationships especially when young children are involved.  It’s far better to set activities up as team building exercises.  (See Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish for more information on this topic.)

Like most authors of general psychology, Asayag lacks of true understanding about severe and chronic pain.  Her comparison to her wedding being canceled by her fiancé just before it was supposed to happen is in no way the same.  Her presumption that everyone can and should laugh or enjoy humorous activities is also lacking in perspective.  Whenever an author says something like this, an unhealthy and vindictive side of me wants to spend time with them the next time they have a violent stomach bug and are clutching the toilet so that I can try to convince them that they should be laughing and smiling.  It’s not an exact comparison, but it might help the authors understand that their overconfident ideas aren’t always applicable to all circumstances.

Asayag also doesn’t seem to understand that people have different senses of humor.  She’s also clearly not an intuitive empath or an introvert.  For instance, she declares, “We kept looking for a different joyful activity that will suit everyone in hospitals, even to those that [sic] did not have enough energy to laugh” (24%).  She claims that she found the solution in karaoke which she brags even brought patients in pain out of their rooms.  However, as an intuitive empath, I find karaoke extremely unpleasant to enjoy most of the time.  Many people are terrified of performing, and others’ self-worth takes a huge hit as those around them laugh at their lack of singing skills.  While karaoke may be enjoyable for some, it’s a nightmare for others including the empaths listening to it.

And yet despite all these critiques, there are still some very redeeming qualities to this book.  It provides some really great concrete ideas for reprogramming oneself from a negative outlook on life to a more positive one.  If you are fighting mild depression, are feeling stuck, are needing a new start, or are trying to find a way to change your world a bit, this book probably has some suggestions for small steps forward that you can make.  I can also see the book providing inspiration in a time of job loss, an undesired move, an accident, or similarly trying times.  The variety of activities and ideas it suggest for creating positive emotion are really helpful.  Some of the activities presume that the reader has spare income for recreation, but a great number of the suggestions in the book can be done for cheap or free.  Smiling certainly doesn’t cost a thing! 

The book also addresses a few larger concepts outside of just laughter and adding joy to one’s life.  It discusses concepts like mindfulness when it suggests taking boring activities and transforming them so that they don’t cause you suffering.  By removing some of the negativity in your life, you can also can create more room for positive energy.

Overall, I’d rate the book as three stars, though had it been properly edited, it might have been four. 

*Percentages designate the location within the digital text.

© 2014 Green Heart Guidance

Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought. ~Percy Bysshe Shelley

There’s no doubt that music can create some of our strongest memories, though those songs don’t have to be sad.  Some of my most powerful memories are associated with music; some of them are happy and others are less so.

When I was in high school, one of my very Irish great aunts died in an accident.  Before we left her graveside, one of the cousins began an a cappella version of “When Irish Eyes are Smiling.”  There wasn’t a dry eye left by the time the song was done.  For me, that song is now forever associated with that aunt and that funeral.

Likewise, at my daughter’s memorial service, we played “Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)" by Billy Joel.  Though I love it, I cannot listen to that song without breaking down into tears within the first few measures.  It transports me back to that raw and painful time around her death.  

My high school’s song is another that brings to mind many memories.  It’s more of an anthem than a pep cheer, and the woman who wrote it was attempting to make the “Star Spangled Banner” look like it required a narrow vocal range.  Twenty-three years after I graduated, there is one point in the school song that I still can hear my fellow students screeching the high note because it just begged for such treatment.  None of us felt much love for that song, but the memories bring smiles to my face.  

Music on religious retreats also has powerful memories associated with it for me.  When I was in high school, I attended a TEC retreat, which was an incredibly powerful experience for me and many others.  Very late one night, we were traipsing through the building holding hands as part of the planned activities.  The Taizé-style chant that we sang still echoes in my mind.  

On another retreat during grad school, we had an evening of social activity.  The group was at a rural retreat center in Massachusetts, and the outside world was cold and filled with snow.  Someone had brought a guitar, and so we spent the evening inside by a fire singing all kinds of popular songs.  Jimmy Buffet’s “Margaritaville” is the one that got stuck in my brain permanently from that evening because of the laughter and joy that filled the room as we sang.  It’s not exactly the type of song one would usually associate with a Catholic retreat, but such is life!

We can intentionally create memories that become a part of our body by using music.  One way to do this is using a particular song or album to meditate to.  Our bodies and minds will then associate that album with relaxation.  Then at a later time of stress, if you turn on that music, your body will (hopefully) automatically relax as much as it can.  Likewise, if you play a song frequently during a time of joy and happiness in your life, listening to that song again at a later date can bring back those same positive feelings.  Using music we have pre-programmed into our bodies and minds can be a great way to shift one’s mood at times when we need to find a different outlook on life.

© 2014 Green Heart Guidance