Narcissists are people who think of their own needs above and beyond anyone else’s. Narcissists are so deluded and self-involved that they don’t even realize that they are ignoring others’ needs. Bereft of a true sense of empathy, the narcissists just focus on what they need, and then they decide within their own heads that what is good for them is good for everyone. Anyone who would dare to claim otherwise is wrong. Narcissists blame others when things go wrong because narcissists can’t be responsible for their theoretically exemplary actions hurting others. Narcissists often can’t even accept responsibility for simple and common human mistakes such as knocking over a glass. Someone else must have bumped the table and caused the narcissist’s elbow to hit the glass. A simple apology for their accidental klutzy behavior is too much to expect.
Narcissists delude others into thinking they, the narcissists, are wonderful people. The narcissists wear a mask that covers the devious and abusive actions they take against others. Narcissists are able to manipulate their victims’ feelings and beliefs to the extent that the victims then believe that they are responsible for the narcissists’ self-absorbed behavior. The victims twistedly accept the blame that narcissists assign to them and believe that things that couldn’t possibly be their fault are actually their fault.
Living with narcissists is exhausting. Day in and day out, the housemates of a narcissist must constantly be on edge, using their energy to protect themselves against the psychological, energetic and sometimes physical attacks of narcissists. You never know when or what the next attack may be. The narcissists will always deny their responsibility or come up with excuses or ways to blame their victims. Because narcissists are perfect in their deluded minds, there is no real recourse or hope for those who live with them except praying for a good day.
To escape a narcissistic relationship, there is only one real option: To leave. Narcissists will not change because they don’t think there is anything wrong with them to change. People cannot continue to have a relationship with a narcissist and not expect to have serious emotional, spiritual and possibly physical and sexual damage done to them. While the decision to quit associating with a narcissist whom one loves is traumatic and painful, the other side of the decision is a wonderful place to be. Once one is no longer associating with the narcissist, one’s perspective becomes much clearer. One realizes how twisted, demented and damaging the self-absorbed actions of the narcissist are. At that point, the former victims can begin focusing on their own issues rather than just trying to meet the needs of the narcissists.
© 2014 Green Heart Guidance