I can’t tell you how many times clients have said to me, “This may be TMI [too much information], but…” and then they share something they feel is mortifying or shameful or just very intimate about their bodies. Almost none of the time is it TMI.

Quite often the details that clients are worried about discussing involve bodily functions. Please know there is no way to give me TMI about your body. To start with, I’ve shared my home with dogs. Any pet lover can regale you with gross stories of the things their pets have eaten, vomited, pooped or disemboweled. It just goes with the territory of loving pets. They are furry, cute, wonderful, and sometimes downright disgusting.

Furthermore, I am a mother. Many parents who have had young children can tell you of a point where they were discussing diaper contents with peers and wondering, “Really? This is what my life is now?” Being a parent has infinite rewards, but it can get pretty darn challenging some days, too. Asides from all the fun with my kids as they grew up, I’ve gone through genital surgeries with two male partners. I’ve had a fully functional female body all my life. You aren’t going to gross me out by discussing what your body has decided to do in a fit of creativity or dysfunction (depending on how you want to frame it). Our society may teach us that talking about our bodies is improper, but that’s not true when you’re working with me. We need to talk about what your body is doing so we can heal it!

Outside of the realm of the human body, I have clients who are anywhere and everywhere on the gender and sexual spectrums. I have clients who are polyamorous. I have clients who are very kinky. I have clients who are having extra-marital affairs. I have clients who use illicit drugs. I have clients who are trying to break addictions and others who have succeeded. All of these clients are special to me, and none of what they tell me about their identities or their life choices makes me think less of them.

Unfortunately, I also have clients who have suffered a great deal of trauma. At least 75% of my clients have been sexually abused at some point in their lives. Many have been physically and emotionally abused. Others also have experienced medical trauma. I definitely fall into all of those categories myself. While the victim feels a great deal shame around the abuse they endured, I don’t view my clients with pity or shame. I see them as humans who need to be accepted, heard, loved, and helped to heal. Whatever they need to share is part of the healing process, and it's not TMI.

I recently told a client at the end of a session, “I don’t think I’ve ever said the word ‘vagina’ so much in one session.” It wasn’t a problem at all for me to be talking about her vagina as we worked on healing the issues at hand. I just had said the word far more than I have before in such short a period of time. And that’s ok! Sometimes we just have to step back and laugh at the absurdity of things when we’re working on healing deep and painful issues.

​Know that it is really hard to present me with TMI, and no matter what you share with me, I won’t judge you for it. Instead, I’ll help you come to terms with that “TMI” and heal it as best I can.

©2021 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

As I’ve mentioned before, the best healers are those who have been wounded and who have worked to heal their past. These healers continue to work on healing on deeper levels throughout their lives as they grow as individuals. If you find a healer who claims to be perfect and to have resolved all their issues, run in the opposite direction. They are deluded. We’re all human, and we’re all in need of healing our entire lives. Almost none of us reach enlightenment on this plane of existence. 

I am continuing my own healing because I practice what I preach to my clients. Lately, I have been working on some very core issues in my life. Like many people, I had a miserable childhood which included a lot of abuse (physical, emotional and sexual) and neglect. I was very different than many of my peers as a child, and as a result, I endured bullying, especially in the late grade school years. When I look back on my childhood, it’s not with fondness. It’s with painful memories and gratitude that I somehow managed to survive. 

Recently, a new issue surfaced during therapy. I’ve got a list of core issues which I have been working on healing in different ways over the years. However, as we approached one of my core issues, a new underlying issue suddenly popped its malicious head out of the woodwork for me to heal. Both my therapist and I were taken back by its appearance, yet it made sense to us in light of my other issues. 

When I came home from that therapy session, I created a flower essence blend for myself just as I do for my clients by using my intuitive guidance and my stock of 600+ flower essences. I then labeled the blend, “I Deserve to Exist.” I’ve learned that The Universe doesn’t observe subtlety when it comes to healing. We need to clearly state exactly what it is we’re working on and what we want to achieve.

​I had known previously that I was an unplanned and undesired pregnancy. Even though I was born in the post-Roe v. Wade era, my somewhat Catholic mother chose to continue the pregnancy. However, on top of not wanting a child, she also did not want a girl. The firstborn child was supposed to be a male, one who could carry on the family name. I grew up knowing that I was not wanted nor was I the right sex. On a subconscious level, I quickly learned that others fundamentally did not want me to exist.

Throughout my childhood, many people tried to make me disappear. They put masks on me, trying to transform me into the kind of person they felt I should be. In order to survive as a child, I conformed as best I could to their demands. At the time, I assumed their judgments meant I was imperfect or wrong. I tried to be perfect. As a teen, I started realizing I wasn’t being true to myself. As an adult, I've had to shed all of those prior expectations in order to find my true self. In retrospect, I have learned that others were not allowing me to be me because of their own emotional issues, not my imperfections.

Lately as I have been clearing out emotional baggage, I’ve simultaneously been clearing out physical baggage, too. I’ve been purging many of my childhood items that I still had packed away in boxes by giving them away on my local Buy Nothing Project list. I’ve experienced great joy in giving these items to others who can enjoy them. Some are getting to reclaim items identical to those which brought them happiness in their childhoods. Others are passing them on to children who can happily play with the toys rather than the toys sitting unused in boxes. 

This morning I had a healing session with one of my practitioners who uses NET. Unprompted by me, she used the term “mask” with me, and I began to laugh. I told her that my afternoon plans included smashing a mask I had created as a child; I had set the mask in my garage before I left home for the appointment. My healer got goosebumps as we talked about it.
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So when I got home, I smashed that mask. I was utterly surprised how easy it was to break the ceramic with a hammer; it was like using a knife on warm butter. Symbolically, that’s probably true of many of our masks. While they appear to be sturdy and strong, hiding us from the world, the reality is that once we choose to remove them and be ourselves, they crumble quickly. ​

​The only piece of the mask that refused to smash was the nose. When I am doing psychic readings for clients, I see noses symbolically to represent wisdom. To me, that was a reminder to keep the wisdom of my childhood. I learned a lot through the pain I endured, plus I do have some happy memories. Those are the things that I should retain. The rest can be broken and discarded.

Many of my clients and I identify as highly sensitive people. We experience the world with an intensity that the majority of the population does not. Elaine Aron, Ph.D, does a good job explaining the basics of people who are like this in her book The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, but for many of us, we are so sensitive that we experience things that Aron doesn’t begin to touch on.

After a major tragedy, those of us who are sensitive become much more affected than the general population. That doesn’t mean that others aren’t compassionate, loving and helpful and that they aren’t empathetic to all that is happening. For people who are highly sensitive, however, they can experience genuine and very intense physical and emotional pain just by observing others suffering. The devastation currently going on around us from Hurricane Harvey is causing that kind of corporeal reaction for many who aren’t directly impacted. We know the hurt that those people are feeling, and we’re feeling their pain in our own hearts, too.

For those in Austin, where I live, I am also seeing survivor’s guilt beginning to crop up among clients. We know all too well that those who are suffering in Houston could be (or may actually be) family and friends. They also could be us. Austin is 3-4 hours from Houston and the Gulf Coast. It’s an easy drive. We got rain from Harvey in Austin, but nothing like the catastrophic levels on the coast. Had things been different, we could have been the ones dealing with horrendous damage. Many are beginning to ask the existential question of why them and not us when we live so close to each other.

So how does someone who is sensitive cope with the aftermath of a major tragedy or natural disaster like Harvey? It takes a lot of effort to keep one’s sanity, but it is possible to do it. One of the first things you should do is turn of the television news. All of it. There is not a single channel that is presenting news in a way that won’t impact a sensitive person in a negative fashion. The news is designed to be sensational and to grab your heartstrings. You don’t need that right now. That doesn’t mean you have to totally ignore the news. If you want to stay informed, read the headlines only on a non-sensational site such as APnews.com. Most other news sites are going to be using the same emotional manipulation that the tv news stations use to grab and keep your attention. This isn’t healthy for anyone, but it’s really not healthy for sensitive folks. Read only stories that you absolutely must read to get necessary information.

I also get a lot of info from headlines on Twitter. I have a feed set up that is limited to people who don’t post sensationalism. It lets me stay informed but not overwhelmed. When I do start to feel overwhelmed, I take at least a 24 hour break from social media. Sometimes it requires me to take several weeks away from social media, and that’s ok. It helps keep me sane. I also find my tolerance for Facebook is much lower than Twitter, probably because it’s hard to avoid reading negative comments because of how Facebook’s layout works. And for heaven’s sake, never read the comments on a journalistic site!

When you do look at news, try to focus on the positive aspects of humanity. There are many stories about heroes and helpers from Harvey circulating on the web right now. Those are the stories you should read. They will help keep you moving forward because they make you realize that one person can impact many other people through very small gestures. This story about a ten year old girl helping others in a shelter she is staying in is one such example.

Also, while being bombarded by so many negative stories and events right now, make your recreational viewing lighthearted and uplifting. I’ve been wanting to watch season 5 of House of Cards, but I can’t do it right now because the show is too dark and too realistic for the world we’re living in right now. I ended up binge watching The Good Place while we were inside during Harvey’s rains, and it’s a fun comedy that still deals with some pretty cerebral topics. Find whatever will make you smile or laugh, and indulge in that.

After keeping yourself protected, what can you actually do to help with Harvey and other devastating events? The first thing a sensitive has to do is accept that you can’t fix it all. You shouldn’t try. Many of us will see the big picture and realize that there are hundreds of thousands of people suffering. As we play out all the devastation that they are enduring in our minds, we overwhelm ourselves with too much information and too much to fix. Don’t go there. It doesn’t mean you’re being unsympathetic to all of the suffering around you. It means you are being realistic about what you can do, and it also means you are taking care of yourself. So rather than becoming overwhelmed trying to contemplate the entire tragedy, bring the big picture down to a more manageable size. Focus on what you can actually do to help and on doing your part of the solution. While what you do won’t solve every problem out there, if each of us does something, that will make a difference. All of the little things add up quickly. There are so many different ways to help, so your challenge is to figure out how best you can give.

One of the easiest ways for many who have reasonable or abundant income is to give money. Financial donations can be used to buy supplies in bulk and help with overhead costs for shelters and relief organizations. I’m not going to list any links because there are so many websites out there right now with various organizations you can help. I personally chose to split my donations between two groups, one which helps humans and one which helps animals. Most importantly, if you are giving money, please don’t take this donation from the non-profits you normally support. They are still going to need assistance, too. Instead, find a different place in your budget to make the sacrifice to help those in crisis.

If you worry about giving money to an organization and it not making it to the intended recipients, then there are many drives for items happening around Austin. Diapers, menstrual hygiene products, new underwear, cleaning supplies, and non-perishable food items are among some of the things being collected. If all you can afford to do is buy an extra bar of soap or can of beans and add it to a collection basket, that little bit still helps. You have given as much as you can, and that donation will be very much appreciated by someone on the receiving end of the line.

The next way you can help is by giving your time and labor, especially if you are in areas that are adjacent to the tragedy like Austin is. There are so many different ways to go about doing this. Figure out what special talents or skills you have and if any of those can assist those currently suffering. I have seen posts about midwives, aromatherapists, therapists, lawyers, musicians, ministers and more volunteering their professional services to those affected by the hurricane.

For those whose talents aren’t easily applied in the current situation, general labor is needed, too. The Red Cross is full with volunteers from what I’ve heard, but other groups need help as they hold fundraisers and drives. If your church, neighborhood school, business or other community association is helping out, join in with them. Foster families for animals who are displaced by the storm are very much needed in Austin, too. Givepulse.com is listing local ways to get involved in Texas.

Another way that you can assist with efforts is to help the helpers. For example, due to my current medical treatments, I am not physically strong enough to work at a shelter or a drive. I’m realistic about that. However, what I can do is take my kids for an extra evening so that my ex-husband, who is healthy and able-bodied, can go volunteer more of his time to the recovery effort. Aside from providing childcare, consider helping with driving if needed for volunteers or events. Offer to listen to those sharing the stories of their experiences helping during a tragedy because they will need emotional support. Make a meal for friends or neighbors working as volunteers so when they get home from a long day of being on their feet, their self-care cups will get a bit of replenishment.

If there is nothing else you can give because of your own difficult personal circumstances, then pray or send good thoughts out to those who are suffering and those who are helping. Studies have shown that prayer does make a difference for people who are ill, even if they don’t know that they are being prayed for. I truly believe we can impact our world through our thoughts, so send out positive ones to those who need them in this stressful and horrendous time.

Most of all throughout the recovery from this tragedy, if you are highly sensitive, don’t try take on others’ pain. This is a downfall that many sensitive healers often engage in. We want to help others so much that we metaphysically and emotionally take on the burdens of others when they aren’t ours to endure. It’s a hard lesson to learn that if you take on others’ pain, you will make yourself sick(er). During all of your efforts to help, you need to keep yourself well so you can continue to help in whatever ways you can. Taking on others’ pain for them will not truly help them or you.

©2017 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

One of the difficulties that can arise during healing work is a blurring of professional boundaries. Clients (or patients) can become confused as to the relationship they have with their healers. Because of the inherent risks of this happening, most professional organizations have strict rules against professionals having sexual relationships with their clients, and some forbid friendships as well. This is to protect the client as they work on healing. 

So what is the difference between a friendship and a professional relationship?

In a friendship:

• Two people share equally in the relationship. They are mutually interested in each other's lives. They share on parallel levels. One person doesn't have to pry information out of the other when something is wrong. One person doesn't do all the work of maintaining the relationship.
• They communicate socially through some medium on a regular basis (phone, email, text). They are aware of what is going on in the other one's life.
• If they are local, they get together to socialize on a somewhat regular basis. That may be every six months or it may be every week. It depends on the relationship. They both try to make opportunities to see each other. One person doesn't do all the organizing.
• If they aren't local, they try to see each other whenever they are in each other's part of the country.

In a professional relationship:

• One person is paying the other for professional services.
• The client knows far less about the professional's life than the professional knows about the client's life.
• The relationship does not exist outside of the professional meeting spaces and appointment times.
• Communication via phone, text, and email are heavily one sided with the client relying on the assistance of the professional.
• The two people do not attend social events together or call each other just to chat about what's going on in the world.
• It is the professional’s job to keep the focus on the client’s needs and to maintain professional boundaries.
• When the client stops paying the professional, there is minimal (if any) communication or time spent together.

The advantage of maintaining a professional relationship is that it makes the relationship far less complicated. Issues of transference and countertransference can happen in professional relationships aside from psychotherapy, and they can be very difficult and painful problems to deal with. Maintaining healthy boundaries makes it far easier for the client (or patient) and the professional to work on healing the client's issues. Even when clients wish to change the nature of the relationship, it's usually not in their best interest to do so. It is the responsitibiity of the professional in that case to remind the client off the true nature of their relationship.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

A great deal of controversy arose on the internet in recent weeks about Pope Francis meeting with Kim Davis, the Casey County, Kentucky clerk who went to jail to defend her religiously based belief that she did not have to issue same sex marriage licences despite the recent judgment of the US Supreme Court stating otherwise. I am not a fan of Davis as I am a strong proponent of same sex marriage. I also recognize, as do most rational people, that if one’s religion interferes with one’s job, then one either needs to change one’s religion or one’s job. Defying the US Supreme Court is not a good solution.

It boggles my mind that nothing I've read so far on about Pope Francis and Kim Davis has come from a compassionate point of view. Almost all the articles have focused on whether or not Pope Francis was “tricked” into meeting with Davis. Many have screamed foul that a pope who has publicly supported non-judgment of homosexuals was actually a secret supporter of conservative reform movements.

I haven’t read anything that brings up the "love thy enemy" idea that Jesus himself seemed to be a fan of. In Matthew 5:44, Jesus is quoted as stating, “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (NIV). To me, if Pope Francis was doing the Biblically Christian thing, meeting with his enemy and praying for her was completely in line with the work set forth for him by Jesus. Kim Davis is a human being, albeit a misguided one at this point. By speaking to her and/or praying for her, the Pope could have been hoping to change her heart on a much deeper level than just this issue. It takes a brave soul to face one’s enemy in peace rather than just throwing insults from behind the safety of an internet wall.

Davis claims that the Pope told her to "stay strong" which may also be taken completely out of context. Any of us who were in such a harsh national spotlight as she is would be under tremendous stress. It's the kind of thing that leads many people to commit suicide, something the Catholic Church is very much against. Staying strong may simply be a reminder to her not to give in to the negativity that is surrounding her. I certainly don't deny that Davis is attracting negativity to her through her own thoughts and actions, but she is still a human being who could learn, change and grow from this experience.

There seems to be a lot of amnesia around the Biblical stories of Jesus meeting with outcasts of his society; Pope Francis and Davis meeting certainly could fit into that image as well. Jesus helped the blind, the deaf, the lepers, the lame, the dead and the poor (Luke 7: 21-23). Jesus commanded his disciples to love one another (John 13:34). Jesus sang the praises of the Samaritan traveler who reached out in mercy to the Jew who had been beaten and robbed even though Samaritans and Jews were not on friendly terms (Luke 10:29-37). Furthermore, rather than encouraging the stoning of an adulterous woman, Jesus encouraged those without sin to throw the first stone (John 8:5-11). He was not afraid of working with the outcasts of his society and showing them compassion and forgiveness. By meeting with someone who is an unpopular outcast in our modern society, Pope Francis has laid an example for bridging divides and helping find peaceful resolution with those like Kim Davis who are filled with anger, hatred, and bitterness but who erroneously pinpoint their very human actions on God.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC 

Last week I received a message through Meetup from a (now former) member of the group I lead there. It was titled, “too expensive.” She wrote in the body of the message, “I thought that this meet up was free. Asking for 10.00 every time healers, myself included come together to do work for the planet is a little much to as of people. Too bad money trumps light workers from coming together and doing there work together as a community.” (All errors are from the original author.)

This person was one who had been a member of the group for about four weeks but who had not attended any of the actual meetings. She’s an owner of a local retail store in a non-spiritual field but is not a professional lightworker from what I can find on the internet. I have never advertised the group as totally free, so that was her error for which she was holding me accountable. I have advertised meetings as costing between free and $25 with most being $10. Clearly she read what she wanted to in that sentence.

As I mentioned this to my kids, they asked, “Don’t you have to pay for the space you are meeting in?” Correct! My high school aged children were able to do the basic math of running a meetup group in a way that this business-owning woman could not. Meetup currently charges $180 per year for the first group one runs (and two “free” ones after that). One then has to find space to meet in. Many of the “free” spaces around town require a minimum member of attendees and/or a minimum purchase of food that is often unhealthy and/or filled with gluten. Since 75% of my group has issues around food (including me with gluten and egg sensitivities), that type of option doesn’t work well for us. Many public places also don’t allow for privacy which is necessary for the type of group I lead. Hence, we meet in private spaces to create an atmosphere that is appropriate to the healing work we do. Finally, I do a lot of reading and prep work for the group and give out handouts. All of that creates expenses as well. Even the federal government recognizes that business expenses exist and allows them to be deducted!

If this woman had actually attended my group, she would realize that it isn't actually a group of lightworkers coming together to heal the planet. It's a personal growth group as one might expect from the name, "Your Personal Healing Journey of Austin." People are getting my guidance in a group format for a hugely discounted rate. Instead of paying $100 per hour, they are paying $5 per hour to learn from all I can teach them. That’s a pretty hefty discount and makes my resources and guidance very affordable to those who can’t afford to work with me on a private basis. Most similar groups in Austin charge anywhere from $10 to $25 per session with the majority being in the $10 to $15 range. I am definitely not pricing outside of the market value. Furthermore, if one stops and thinks about it, $10 for two hours of guidance that leads to extensive personal growth is a bargain compared to spending $10+ for two hours to see a movie which one may or may not benefit from at all.

I have encountered others like this woman before on other healers’ sites and discussion groups, so I was prepared for this to happen to me. They subscribe to a false ideology that believes that energy workers don’t deserve to be paid for the work they do. If they do deserve to be paid, then it should be an absolute minimum, and the healers should be struggling to get by. Only unholy people should be comfortable in life. Those who are truly sent from God will live on miraculous multiplication of fish and loaves just like Jesus did. These judgmental people somehow think that energy workers’ electric bills and rents also can be paid with holiness (and not money) as well.

All of that is simply not true. Everyone deserves to be paid a living wage. I am a huge believer that the minimum wage needs to be $15 or greater in metropolitan areas where $15 an hour isn’t enough to support a family. That’s $600 per week or a little over $2400 per month. In Austin, finding a two to three bedroom apartment or home for a family is hard to do for less than $1200 per month in the suburbs; closer in it’s impossible. Clearly a single parent won’t be able to take care of a family on that amount without public assistance even if s/he/ze is working full-time.

The same is true of an energy worker who, when it all boils down, is a worker trying to pay bills just like the rest of society. We all work in different ways as we’ve been gifted. Some of us are teachers. Some of us are engineers. Some of us are salespeople. And some of us work with healing and energy. If the healer is a doctor, s/he/ze will bill starting at $300 per hour. Psychologists in Austin charge anywhere from $75 to $150 per hour. While people may grumble about these rates, no one doubts that these healers deserve to be paid for their work. So too, do energy workers deserve to be paid for their time, energy and skills.

As I have discussed this incident with other healers I know and respect, we’ve all come to the same conclusions. Those who truly need sliding scale and reduced fees approach us with very different attitudes and behaviors than those who are just not willing to pay for the healing work we do. Every one of us has stories of people who have pleaded for sliding scale or free work and then have shown up in a brand new car or had stories of exotic vacations taken weeks before or made exorbitant purchases that are clearly beyond the means of someone who actually can’t afford but desperately needs healing work. The bottom line is that they don’t want to budget their funds in such a way as to pay for what they need. Hence, they want their healers to earn less so that they can live a more luxurious life, not realizing that by not paying their healers the full price of their services, many of those same healers then have to make cuts to their own budgets to accommodate the person asking for financial help. It is completely different than people who are truly low income and in desperate need of help but who cannot possibly stretch their budget any further.

When healers don’t charge for their work, they create an energy imbalance in the universe. All of our transactions with others in life involve an energy exchange. You massage my back, and I rub your feet. You give me groceries, and I give you money. I help you solve problems with your health, and you give me money. In the olden days, you might have given me two chickens and a gallon of milk instead. In other societies, it was a handful of sea shells. However, in our society, we use money as a currency of exchange, and it has come to represent our energy exchange. Every healer I know and respect agrees that there must be an exchange of energy in every single transaction in order to keep things balanced. When interactions occur without an exchange, one part of the equation becomes imbalanced. Hence, as healers, we do charge for our work as we feel is appropriate to the situation in order to keep balance in our lives. In some cases, $5 is the appropriate amount. In other cases, it’s more. All of us do need to charge something for every exchange, though.

I hope one day this misguided woman will understand her value and will start charging for her services to others just as she does for the objects she sells in her storefront. I hope she will also come to understand what kind of imbalance she creates in her life by asking others to give to her for free when she offers nothing but a verbal barrage in return.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

Yesterday I spent several hours dealing with what appeared to be battery problems on my car. I drive a 16 year old Toyota minivan which has generally been an amazingly reliable vehicle with one exception: It eats batteries. My current battery is a 60 month battery that has about 24 months on it, so I know I am approaching replacement time. The full replacement warranty is for 36 months, and in the past, I have had one die five days after the full warranty expired. As far as frequent repairs go, however, this is one that is actually relatively cheap since it’s usually prorated if not covered completely. One of our previous cars ate CV boots which were $100 each at that time; those got old to repair.

A fairly common problem among those who are energy workers and/or highly sensitive people is that they accidentally drain batteries. Many people see this happen with their watch batteries, though now that more people are using cell phones instead of watches, it is less of a problem. Someone I know blows out headlights on her car on a regular basis. Anything that involves energy or power is at risk for being drained by an energy worker, though obviously most of us are not doing this intentionally. Lately, I’ve started noticing a pattern related to my emotions and when electrical and/or battery problems happen in my car. So one of my upcoming personal challenges is to figure out how not to let my emotions and the energy they release impact the electrical system on my car!

Whenever my battery dies on my car, it’s always an interesting experience to see how I get help and who offers it to me. In yesterday’s case, my ex-husband was off work for Indigenous People’s Day (or Columbus Day if you believe the local calendars), so he came to help me. The holistic health office I was at when my car refused to start had two receptionists, one of whom had a Prius and the who had a half-dead battery which she had jumped on Friday. Neither was really a realistic candidate for helping me jump my car, but they were both very kind to me, helping find a wrench when we needed to remove my battery. All of the other practitioners were in sessions with clients or patients, so clearly they couldn’t help me.

As my ex-husband was jumping the car, I was sitting on a nearby staircase, and an elderly woman came by. She smiled at me and said, “I’ve been there.” That is the bottom line of it: All of us have been there with car problems at one time or another. To me, it’s never a bad idea to help someone out jumping a car if you are in a safe location and have the time and ability to do so. It feels like a deposit in the karmic piggy bank for the next time your own car dies. A year or two my yard guy’s car battery died in front of my house. I was happy to turn my car around and lend him my jumper cables to jump his car.

What surprises me is when people refuse to help for non-existent reasons. It really shouldn’t because it’s simply another indication of the narcissism and selfishness that is abundant in our society. When my car battery died three years ago in August, I had a horrible time finding someone to help me jump it. I was stranded at Zilker Park outside of Barton Springs pool with all three of my kids in 100 degree heat. My ex-husband was out of town, and his car was at the airport parking lot. I stood by the exit and asked everyone exiting if they could help. A few people were very apologetic as they refused, and I do understand. Sometimes you really do *have* to be somewhere. The oddest refusal, though, was a man who said, “I have a brand new car so I can’t help you.” I wondered if I were a gorgeous young 20-something in a bikini if his new car excuse might have melted away. Finally, one of my kids’ camp counselors, a college student with a beat up old car, quite willingly helped me jump my car. She was incredibly understanding and helpful, and I will be eternally grateful to her for assisting that day.

Compassion can seem the most powerful at times when it appears as help with the little things. Sparing a little battery juice and five minutes of your time to help someone start a reluctant car is one of those acts that can make a huge difference in someone’s life. Whenever we can, it seems like the kind and human thing to do to help others in whatever way presents itself.
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© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

Several years ago, I began changing my Facebook usage. I realized that most of my 300+ “friends” were actually people whom I had no real contact or relationship with. Some lived out of state and rarely checked Facebook. Others were people whom I felt like were gawking at my life like a trainwreck: They wanted to watch the pain in my life to comfort themselves that their lives weren’t nearly as bad as mine. Those people had very little desire to actually be involved in my life. When I asked someone to help, they were never there for me. Having confronted the reality of how much time social media was taking from my life, I pared my “friends” list down over several cuts eventually landing on a list of less than 45 people.

More recently, I became aware of a very disturbing pattern among the remaining people on my friends list. Very few of the people whom I let see my most intimate posts were able to support me in my disability discrimination struggles. When I post about being discriminated against, there were crickets chirping on a regular basis. Had I posted that I had been told to cover up while breastfeeding, a large portion of of them would have been outraged and would have called for a nurse-in. They would have stirred up online protests and would have gotten the media involved. Had I posted that I was stopped by the police for driving while black, another large portion would have been up in arms, ready to protest against racial discrimination. But when I post that I am experiencing disability discrimination, almost none of my “friends” could be bothered to say something to me either on or off of Facebook.

To me, that is very telling. Friendship is supposed to be in good times and in bad. Friends are supposed to want to celebrate your joys and support you in your suffering. As Stephen and Ondrea Levine state in their book Embracing the Beloved, “To be in relationship is to open to the life pain of another on the way to yourself.” I am someone who gives to the limits of my being when others are hurting, yet I often do not find people who want to give in return. Furthermore, it is very hard to find friends who want to support you when your issues are not a hot cause or something they can identify with personally. Perhaps they are too influenced by the media and choose to only support causes that are popular right now such as #blacklivesmatter or #breastcancerawarenessmonth (not that those aren't extremely valid causes). 

Let’s have a reality check: Every single person in this world who is not disabled is only one major accident or infection away from being disabled themselves. Perhaps that is why no one wants to see the blatant ongoing discrimination I and many others face on a daily basis in our society. They are too scared to recognize that someday they, too, may be disabled and in need of assistance. If you have ever told yourself that disability discrimination is an issue that doesn’t affect or matter to you, stop and ask yourself: Why don't you actively support the disabled in our society? What are your prejudices? What are your fears? What makes you potentially unable or unwilling to support this problem even on the very local level of saying, "I'm sorry you got treated like a second-class citizen" to one of your friends when they experience disability discrimination?

So many people have told me, “But I don’t know what to say.” That, too, is an indication of personal work that they need to do. When these friends see other friends or acquaintances struggling with personal troubles, the death of a loved one, or another life challenge, they have no problem offering support. They offer up generic words of encouragement: "I'm sorry you're facing this." "I am sorry you hurt." "I hope things change for you." "I wish you weren't having to go through this." Using the examples above, even when friends don’t understand struggles on a personal level because they aren't black or they haven't had breast cancer, they still know how to say, “I’m sorry you are having a rough time” or even "That sucks!" It's Basic Friendship 101. That is part of what being a friend is about. If they chose to, they would be able to apply the same skills to their disabled friends and their struggles. However, with the topic of disability discrimination, people, even those who purport to be my friends, want the issue to be invisible. They don’t want to have to face it.

The sad reality is that I’ve done another Facebook purge as things like this show me clearly who my friends and acquaintances really should be. They are the ones who understand that my life is a roller coaster, just like most other humans', and if they want to be my friend, they have to be there for both the ups and the downs. I have found that fair-weather friends are abundant in this world, and I really don’t have a need for them. It’s the friends who are with me through thick and thin that really count.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

According to one theory of life, the universe, and everything, all of our actions are based in either fear or love. When we make decisions about all of the details in our life, our choices come from a place of fear or love. If we choose to come from a place of fear, then our lives will be fearful and we will see the world as a dark scary place. If we choose to come from a place of love, then we will see the world as being filled with an abundance of love that is available for all who open themselves to it.

I have seen this recently in my life with regards to Craigslist of all things. I use Craigslist quite often to get rid of things I no longer need; I occasionally sell things on there as well. I often have boxes available, so I will post on the free section for someone to come pick them up off my front porch. When someone I knew said he was having the trash company come pick up moving boxes from his house, I suggested that there would be many people on Craigslist who would love to have them to free. At that point, he informed me that Craigslist is a dangerous place and that there are now safe exchange places at police stations in his area for Craigslist users. I didn’t even try to counter this discussion because it was clear he was in a place of fear. I agree that one needs to use common sense when selling high value items on Craigslist. I was contemplating selling a camera lens at one point, and had I done that, I would have required the sale to be a cash or money order transaction which we would have exchanged in the lobby of my bank so I could verify the deposit and so we would have cameras watching the exchange. However, when it comes to boxes, I am not reselling them. No one is going to short change or harm me. I leave them on the front porch, and I let people know to just take the boxes without ringing the bell. I’ve never had problems. I see this as sharing resources that help minimize the damage on the planet, and in a way, spreading love around. I come at it from a place of love.

One could also argue that those who carry concealed handguns are living in a place of fear. Every person I know who carries one lives and works in areas where a gun is unnecessary. They are operating from a place of fear, though, and they can’t feel safe in the world without a loaded sidearm. To me, that is a sad place to be. Even when I was a woman working in a low SES neighborhood and school or as a woman navigating the world alone, I never felt a need to have a handgun. If something suspicious is going on, I dial 911 and let those who are trained professionals deal with the issue. I realize not everyone feels they can safely call in the police, and that is a true problem in our society with fear at its roots, too. However, all of those whom I know who are concealed handgun holders are also Caucasian and not likely to experience negative racial profiling when working with the authorities.

One can also see people who live in fear when it comes to finances. Even if they make an upper class salary, they are certain that they will run out of money. As a result, they becoming stingy with donating their time, their money, and their energy to others. They do not want to run out of anything, so they hoard what they have. However, the Universe seems to function under a “you have to give to receive” type of premise. While I’m not advocating giving away all one’s possessions or even forcing one’s self to live in poverty, I do think we all need to be a bit generous in whatever way we can be in order to keep the good karma moving around. Operating from a place of love dictates sharing with others rather than greedily accumulating millions beyond what one needs for basic comfort and enjoyment.

So how does one go about shifting one’s world view from fear based to love based? For starters, turn off your television as much as possible. The news is by far the worst thing to watch as broadcasts are sensationalized and are designed to strike fear in the viewers’ hearts. Advertising on television and also is often fear based. If you don’t take this medication you won’t be able to function for your family. If you don’t use this highly toxic cleaning product, your family will die of a rare contagion or maybe just get the common cold. If you don’t use this insurance company, you’ll lose everything you own. All of these messages do add up and do begin to wear on your worldview even if you don’t realize it. If you turn off the television and other sources of advertising for several months and then come back to it, you’ll be surprised at how insidious the messages seem.

As you go forward, try to select love-based activities in your life. You could go to a bar and drink heavily on Friday night, or you could go to a yoga class. You could go to the beach to find a hookup for the weekend, or you could join in a service drive or charity event. I’m not suggesting that you never participate in solely recreational activities, but consider whether or not you can make your recreation time more constructively loving rather than self-serving or hedonistic. If you do whatever activity you have planned, ask yourself who will benefit from it. If the answer is more than one person, especially if those people are strangers, you’re on your way to changing to a love based process of decision making.

When you are faced with choices in your life, begin asking yourself not only what is the right thing to do but what the loving thing to do is as well. Try not to let fear rule your decisions. Even though you may be scared about making a loving decision, follow your intuition instead of your fears and see if you can make your life and the lives of those around you a bit happier.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

One of our society’s common reactions to difficulties, struggles, and challenges is for people to respond, “At least….” So if you have had your foot amputated, a friend might tell you, “At least you didn’t lose your whole leg.” If you are struggling with finding a job, you might be told, “At least you still have a roof over your head.” If you were emotionally and sexually abused during a bad marriage, you might get told, “At least he didn’t beat you.” If you are suffering from health problems, you will  very likely get the statement, “At least you don’t have cancer.” If you experienced the death of a baby, someone might respond, “At least you won’t have to raise a severely disabled child for the rest of your life.” (Yes, I did get the last two personally.)

On one hand, there’s an element of truth in these statements that could lead a person to issue gratitude for what they do have rather than what they do not have. However, all of the statements are judgmental and opinionated. They deem to know better than the struggling person what would be worse for that person. To me at the time of my daughter’s death, the prospect of raising a severely disabled child seemed far less daunting than facing a future with no child at all.

Furthermore, this method of comparative trials can be devastating for those who are suffering with the “at least” situation. You may be telling your friend that they are blessed that their child died rather than ending up severely disabled, but what about all those who are raising severely disabled children? What is their comfort in this situation? What if someone has been physically abused? What about all of those people who do have cancer or who have lost multiple limbs or who are homeless? What does the “at least” statement that puts them in the worst case scenario do for their self-esteem, their confidence, and their motivation as they wrestle with difficult challenges in life?

It also can seem that when someone creates purportedly worse scenarios, their examples actually downplay the suffering that people have endured. Trauma is trauma, and all of it is devastating to those who are undergoing it. While it might seem comforting to some to pretend there is a worse case scenario, the reality is that the person undergoing challenges doesn’t need to hear those comparisons. What they need to hear is support for them in their own struggles. They need to come to terms with what they are dealing with, not what someone else has endured. What they need is not to be unintentionally judged for not suffering enough to merit sympathy or empathy.

The reality is that every human on this planet endures challenges and issues throughout their lives. Each of us has our own struggles, and each of us handles them differently. There really is that there is no better or worse when it comes to suffering. The reality is that the challenges we all endure are just different. The differences may lie in the type of trauma, the severity of the trauma, and the response of the individuals to the traumas. All of the various elements create unique situations. Each of the people involved must work through these struggles on their own but hopefully with a lot of support of those around them. As we work through these traumas, sometimes successfully and sometimes not, our souls grow and change. In my belief system, these are the struggles we are each meant to face to help us become the best people that we can be.

One of the hardest comments I had to endure in my time of being homebound and mostly bedbound was the statement from clueless people that they would think their lives were challenging until they looked at mine and then realized how much worse it could be. (Yes, they said this to me directly.) These people made me into the the worst case “at least” scenario, and they used my suffering to bring themselves dysfunctional comfort about their own struggles. That doesn’t feel great when you are the one at the bottom of the heap. Rather than making such awkward and painful comments to those you know who are struggling, the best thing to say is “I’m sorry you are struggling.” Or grieving. Or hurting. Or fighting for your life. Whatever it is that the person is enduring that you wish they didn’t have to go through, tell them that you wish they weren’t undergoing such a difficult challenge. Then, if you really want to show your support, ask them what you can do to make their burdens lighter during their time of need. Those are the kind of friends people need when they are in crisis.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

In recent months, I’ve found that the sense of self-entitlement among Austin drivers during traffic is rising rapidly. I suspect that this is in part related to the population changes happening in the city and surrounding areas as Austin experiences rapid growth which the infrastructure is poorly equipped to handle. That’s not to say that Austin hasn’t always had its share of rude drivers. However, what I’ve been seeing lately is a blatant sense of narcissism among drivers who seem to think that they are the only ones who matter.

One of the worst examples of this that I’ve encountered was a few months ago when there were two major accidents on one of the main highways in Austin, a highway that is undergoing major construction right now. It normally takes me 10 minutes to drive this particular stretch of roadway when there is no traffic; during traffic it is more like 20-25 minutes. On this particular day, it took me 45 minutes, and if I’d needed to go further into the city, my trip would have been delayed even more. I have to get off on the access road to get to a building where I have regular appointments. However, due to the accidents on the highway, many people were getting off onto the access road in an attempt to unsuccessfully find a faster route.

The section of the access road I traverse is oddly designed; I’m sure non-locals would be very confused by it as it is two ways in parts and only one way in another. Locals, though, are more than aware of how this part of the road functions. Yet despite this, I watched car after car rudely using a right turn only lane to rush to the front of the straight-going traffic line and then dangerously cut off the traffic as they forced themselves over. This meant that anyone in the straight traffic lane was moving at about ten feet per minute at best. I saw many near accidents and watched some even stupider maneuvers that went beyond illegal and into seriously dangerous. I finally called 911 and requested that an officer be sent to that particular intersection to help deal with the overflow from the accidents on the highway. The risk of someone getting hurt was far too high.

As I sat there in that traffic, very frustrated by the slow movement forward when I was so close to the office I needed to get to, I was not pleased by the narcissism so many drivers were demonstrating. It was clear that they believed they were the only ones who mattered. Clearly they were the only ones who had important places to be that they were late for. The rest of us, from their views, surely were just out for joyrides during a weekday morning traffic situation. Yet all of us had some place important to be. I texted my appointment and let her know that I was stuck in traffic; she was fine with it as she knew how bad it was. I was only five minutes late because I allow time for traffic issues, but my stress levels were very high once I got there because of the insane driving I had witnessed.

I understand how frustrating it is to be late for important meetings, and I know there are people out there who will charge fees for clients who show up late to appointments. However, in the situation of a massive highway issue such as two separate accidents, most people understand that it has the potential to bring that particular highway in Austin to a grinding halt. I, and many others who are rational humans, will do their best to help reschedule clients when it’s not their fault that the roadways aren’t cooperating.

Just a few weeks ago, I was heading home from my morning appointments. I stopped to pick up lunch for my son and I at a local restaurant, and then I took a different road than I normally would to get home. I passed the first entrance to my neighborhood to take the second one that is closer to where I live, but just as I did so, the traffic came to a complete and total stop. I was cursing myself for not having taken that first entrance as a span that would normally take 30 seconds to drive suddenly took 15 minutes. However, there was nothing I could do but wait my turn. A quick traffic search on my cell phone showed that the road I was on was closed due to an accident; later that day I saw on a news report that a motorcyclist was killed in the accident which mandated the need to shut down the road.

As I sat listening to the radio and watching police do their best to direct all the traffic from the major road into my neighborhood, the man in front of me began to lose it. He was driving in a Jeep-type vehicle with the roof down, so I could see him cursing and waving his arms at the police out of his frustration with how slowly the traffic was moving. While I think the police could have done a more effective job in directing traffic, they were doing what they could with limited resources. Screaming and cursing wasn’t going to change the situation. More importantly, I knew that if the road was closed, someone (and likely many someones) was having a much worse day that I was being stuck in traffic for just an extra 15 minutes.

I really wish that Austinites would adopt some common sense traffic rules and perspectives on life when they encounter major traffic issues. Among these I would like people to:

• Let one person turn in front of you when they are trying to get on the highway or onto a roadway from a smaller street during traffic. Be nice and take turns.
  
• Don’t drive on and off of the exit ramps and access roads to cut ahead of traffic unless the police are directing you to do so. This behavior creates more traffic in the long run and actually doesn’t advance your place in traffic more than a few cars most of the time. It also makes it more difficult for those who have to get on and off the highway in those locations to reach their destinations.
  
• Remember what’s important in life. This traffic may be frustrating, but in the perspective of your life, it’s very minor. Use the extra car time that you have been given to pray, meditate, or reflect.
  
• Know that in the cases of accidents, someone is having a far worse day than you including possibly having to deal with injury or death.
  
• If you are of the spiritual persuasion, send white light or prayers to those emergency crews working the accidents and those who were involved in the accidents. 
  

Austin traffic is only going to continue to get worse if the area leaders don’t start getting realistic about road development to accommodate the growth. As frustrating as it is, road congestion is here to stay. Major accidents will continue to happen. We can’t change those realities. What we can change is our attitudes toward them. Remember that you are just one of well over a million people who live in the Austin area. If you want to make our city slightly better for all of those who live here, then find ways to demonstrate behavior in traffic that you want others to reflect back to you.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

(*I use the gender neutral pronouns “ze” and “hir” in this post for further protection of the client mentioned. I look forward to the day when the MLA and other language authorities will designate an official third person singular neutral pronoun aside from “it.”)

In season 2, episode 18 of Star Trek: Voyager, an immortal being named Q arrives. This particular Q has been the bane of many Starfleet officers in the recent series for his antagonistic behavior towards humanity. In this episode, he is trying to convince Captain Janeway to not give asylum to another member of the Q continuum. Janeway proposes a deal to Q, who responds:

It says a great deal that a conniving and manipulative being such as Q is upheld for not being a liar. Truth-telling is a separate virtue than many of the other things Janeway accuses Q of being. In our society, liars are not well-respected for the most part. Perhaps this is because the Ninth Commandment in the Judeo-Christian tradition is “You shall not bear false testimony against your neighbor” which is translated to “You shall not lie” in more modern editions of Exodus. One could also argue that the Ninth Commandment arose because Jewish society already put such a strong emphasis on truth telling.

In my own life, I’d never realized how important the truth is to me until suddenly I was confronted by many lies. Throughout my relationship with my now-ex-husband there were many times that he neglected to tell me the full story about something. In our Catholic upbringing, this would be considered a sin of omission: failing to take the honorable path when one is clear on what that duty is. However, with our separation, my ex-husband’s behavior switched to sins of commission: knowing that an act is wrong but doing it anyway. In this case, he began intentionally telling me half-truths and lies (and felt completely justified in doing so). Suddenly I realized how vitally important honesty is to a relationship and how much I had valued his previous honesty now that it was gone. My respect for my ex-husband and my desire to maintain a friendship with him suddenly dissolved because I want and need my friends to be honest with me.

Personally speaking, I don’t lie. I’m not able to do it. Anyone who knows me well enough will even be able to tell clearly when I’m only telling half the story by my body language and my energy. I’ve been rightfully described on many occasions of being honest to a fault: if you don’t want to know the truth, then don’t ask me a question. I will gently tell you that yes, that dress does make your butt look large. I would never volunteer that kind of information to anyone but my closest friends without being asked, though!

Within my practice, this truth-telling is also vitally important to me. I have a great sense of honor in keeping my word. I believe confidentiality as vital to my relationships with my clients. I’ve noted in many places that the only reasons I will break confidentiality is if I am ordered to by a court of law or if there is a high risk to someone involved (such as calling Child Protective Services about an abused child). Recently, I had to break client confidentiality for just such a reason: the client was a danger to hirself* and/or others. My body was literally shaking when I spoke with the person to whom I referred the client and hir major issues. I was fighting back tears through it all, and afterward, I did cry. There was absolutely no question to me that I was doing the right thing in breaking confidentiality to get this person the help ze needs in a life-threatening situation. However, it was still devastating to me personally to have to break the confidentiality that person had placed in me. My word matters to me, and I recognize clearly that a person who doesn’t honor hir word is not trustworthy. I hope one day that the client will be able to understand why I did what I did for hir. For now, I know that getting hir help is far more important than me keeping hir secrets.

Even as large parts of our society are moving away from a religious based moral guidance system, lying remains a despicable trait in our society with good reasons. False promises fall into this category of lies. Balthasar Gracian has written, “A single lie destroys a whole reputation of integrity.” Lies are that powerful.  A person who tells the truth is seen as having a very redeeming quality and in turn is trustworthy as a person. This is the standard to which I hold myself.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

For the past 20 years, I have lived in some of the small areas around the greater Austin area that still legally allow fireworks. Unfortunately, since fireworks are illegal in most of the surrounding areas, that means everyone who wants to shoot off fireworks comes to the neighborhoods I live(d) in in order to do so legally. The result is my living space sounding like it is one step short of a war zone during the Fourth of July and New Year seasons. People think I’m exaggerating until they come to my house on these nights, and then they realize I’m not kidding at all. There is no amount of white noise, background noise, ear plugs or OTC drugs that can block out the fireworks going off on all sides of my current house. I’m adjacent to a park which has very useless “fireworks forbidden at the park” signs which are completely unenforced thereby making the park a center for shooting off fireworks. The cul-de-sac on the other side of my house is popular for shooting off fireworks as is the side street next to my house.

Fireworks are immensely popular in Austin and Texas, and unfortunately those shooting them off don’t think about the consequences of their actions. Every single discussion I’ve ever seen on the topic on neighborhood message boards has always had the very erroneous attitude, “It’s just for a few hours, and it’s a lot of fun.” It’s actually every night leading up to and following the event as well. The fireworks started on July 1st by my house this year, and they’ll continue through July 5th, the end of the weekend. In the summer, they start at 9 pm and will go until well after midnight. For New Year’s Eve, again, the days surrounding the holiday are fair game, too. The actual day of New Year’s Eve, the fireworks start around 6 pm when it is dark, and then continue until 2 a.m. This is not “just a few hours.” For someone with PTSD, this is eight hours of hell when one’s nervous system is set to “freak out completely” for the entire time. It’s an experience no one should have to endure in their own home.

When my children were little, I discovered that fireworks can make life incredibly miserable for those with babies. Every loud round would wake up thoroughly exhausted babies whom we had just managed to get to sleep. They were screaming, we were frustrated, and there was no relief in site. One year after we reached midnight, I called 911 and requested that an officer come stop the fireworks. In retrospect, I should have reported the person who took my call. She was clearly very pro-fireworks. Her first response was that fireworks were legal in my area. I agreed, but I pointed out that noise ordinances meant that they were in violation since it was after midnight. She then argued with me that the officer wouldn’t be able to find where the fireworks were coming from. Really? The officer just needed to open his/her/hir ears and drive around my house and would have had no problem locating the fireworks. It was a pointless conversation that justed added to my frustration. I suspect the woman answering the phone never even submitted the order for the police to come out.

Having survived the misery of babies and fireworks, then I faced chronic illness. I discovered firsthand that fireworks can be absolute hell for someone living with PTSD. With PTSD, even if one has not been a soldier in a war zone, fireworks can be a major trigger because one’s startle reflex is so overexaggerated. Someone stealthily walking into a silent room and then speaking when I had my back turned was enough to set me off when my PTSD was out of control. My adrenaline would sore, my body would shake, and I would scream out in fear. It would take almost an hour for me to calm down again. I could not handle any kind of surprise noise. This is because my “fight or flight” response was constantly set on fight due to all the trauma in my body. Thus, even though fireworks are not a danger, they were loud, startling, and traumatizing. They made my life absolute hell several times a year.

I recently saw a photo on Facebook of a veteran holding a yard sign that said “A veteran with PTSD lives here. Please be considerate in your use of fireworks.” I suspect that such a sign in my yard would be absolutely pointless even if I was a veteran. Most people don’t care. Their fun, even if they are traveling to a place that is not their home to set off the fireworks, is more important than the health and well-being of those around them. Our society simply doesn’t have the compassionate understanding to realize that fireworks are not all fun and games for those who suffer from PTSD or who are parenting young children.

This year, if you choose to set off fireworks, consider those around you. Do you have neighbors with young children? Do you have neighbors with PTSD? Will your joyous celebration create a night of hell for someone else? If you don’t know those answers, ask your neighbors how they feel about the situation. Make sure that you are doing the compassionate thing for all around you. Karma is a real pain when it comes back around: know that hurting others with disregard or malice will show up again in your soul’s journey for you to experience the same. The safer, healthier way to celebrate the fireworks holidays includes attending a large, safe, public display that truly is only for a short duration. The results are far more fabulous than anything amateurs can create, and the public displays are always free if you know where to park and watch.

As for me, my startle response has decreased as my healing has progressed. I also finally found an over the counter supplement a few years ago that will dope me up enough to make fireworks tolerable. It leaves me in a very fogged, drugged state, unable to do much besides stare at a tv screen or lay in bed in a semi-comatose but not sleeping state, but this is far preferable to being in hell with the noise of fireworks. Life is short, and it seems wrong to me that I have to dose myself into oblivion to be in my own home several days of the year, but such is my reality until fireworks are finally banned in the area I live in.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

On Tuesday, I was experiencing the worst fibromyalgia flare I've had in a very long time; it's been so long that I can't even remember when the last time I even had a fibro flare was. I initially couldn't figure out why exactly this flare was happening, though I was told by higher powers that it was related to Lyme. Usually fibromyalgia flares for me are due to stress, chemical exposure, gluten, or viral triggers, but none of those applied in this case. Eventually I pinpointed it to a series of events tied to Lyme dying off, raising my blood sugar, and thereby creating a better environment for feeding the candida in my body which was in turn causing the fibro flare. When I have pain like that, there's not a lot I can do that help: Even laying down perfectly still doesn't help much, and drugs barely touch the pain.

Tuesday also happened to be the first day of summer vacation when my kids were at my house. Of course, that means none of them were actually here for one part of the day as my chauffeur duties increase during the summer. The youngest is at a neighborhood camp as a CIT this week. My daughter wanted to go swimming at a friend's house; the friend only lives three miles away but it requires a parental ride to get there and back. My older son wanted to go golfing with friends at a local driving range, so I needed to drop him off there as well. I was doing all of this with major pain wracking my body. 

On the way home from dropping the older two off, I returned via a stoplight that is long and painful to get through. It often takes two cycles to make it through the light, and since the light is timed in favor of the other direction, that takes a while. Because it is such a slow yet busy signal, it's also a favorite place for the homeless to stand requesting money. When I arrived at the stoplight, I was in a great deal of pain after 35 minutes of driving, and I just wanted to get home. I knew I was right on the edge of the number of cars that would get through in the first cycle of the light, so I was really hoping everyone in front of me was paying attention so I could get through on the first cycle and get home.

Four cars in front of me was an Austin Police Department car. As traffic started moving forward, the police vehicle's lights came on. I assumed that the person in front of the police car had lights out or something similar and were about to be pulled over. However, as we got closer to the traffic light, the police car came to a stop and the driver's door opened. I was utterly frustrated because I knew that this meant I wouldn't get through the light in the first cycle. The police officer had stopped immediately next to an older homeless man holding a cardboard sign, and I began to worry that he was getting out to ticket the homeless man for panhandling as there are local laws against pandhandling in roadways. While I agree that panhandling is a major issue in Austin, it was obvious this man was homeless and in need of assistance, and in those cases, my heart goes out to those who are so limited in their resources that they have no choice but to beg in order to survive. I really didn't want to see this homeless guy get harrassed. 

What happened then completely surprised me. Instead of berating the homeless man, the police officer handed him a brown paper grocery bag. The officer lifted out the contents to show the homeless man what was in it: clothing. It was only then that I noticed that the homeless man was wearing what appeared to be a woman's housedress or a long hospital gown. The homeless man was truly appreciative, accepted the bag, and then stuck out his hand to shake the officer's hand in gratitude. The officer shook his hand, got back in his car, turned off the lights, and drove forward to the now red light.

At that point, I started to cry, so moved by what I had just witnessed. It was nothing like what I had expected. Even though I was still in pain and still wanted desperately to get home, I was grateful that the Universe had made me slow down to witness this act of compassion when I least expected to see it. As I sat in my car at the light, I watched the homeless man very slowly walk to the highway underpass area, sit down, and then very painstakingly start to slip on the pants that were previously in the bag. Clearly he had mobility impairments, and this was a challenge for him, but the fact that he was putting on the clothes then and there told me how happy he was to have them.

It's a sad statement that seeing an act of compassion like this one is so rare in our society that it would move me to tears. So many people are struggling to survive on even the most basic of levels such as finding shelter, restrooms, clothing, food, and water. We all have our challenges and struggles in this world, though some problems are more acute than others. It will be an amazing day when our society is able to figure out how to move past greed to a point that ensures that all of us have our basic needs met without having to beg for it to happen. I'm glad that I was able to witness this small step in that direction.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

I was recently approached by a parent concerned about an adult child who is addicted to a dangerous illegal street drug. This parent, like almost all of us who are parents, wanted to help the child. However, I was unable to help parent by receiving a healing message for the adult child for several reasons.

The first is the most obvious: The adult child is an adult. I can not help anyone over 18 who is not incapacitated (such as with those who have advanced Alzheimer's or are in a coma) without their explicit permission. For me to contact higher powers on that person’s behalf without permission would be a serious spiritual violation. Many psychics and intuitives will do this, and it always floors me when they do. Some will actually commit spiritual assaults: in trying to show off their metaphysical abilities, the psychics will start doing a reading for someone in public without the person’s explicit consent. I know one psychic who did this at a dinner party she was at, revealing all kinds of difficult and traumatic information about another woman at the gathering. The targeted woman was understandably upset, but other women at the dinner praised the psychic for doing a good thing and forcing the traumatized woman to deal with her past whether she wanted to or not. Situations like this make me sick to my stomach because it is spiritual assault, and it creates an entirely new level of trauma on top of the original one. I would never want someone to do that to me, and I will not do it to others.

The second reason involves commitment. If people don't want to stop using whatever substance they are addicted to, they will very likely relapse; that had already happened once very recently in this situation after the adult child left rehab after only three days. Families may be able to involuntarily commit loved ones to a rehab center in some states, but whether or not people ultimately succeed in stopping their drug use depends on their own spirits and their own recovery work. (I am completely aware that relapses may happen for some people; it’s part of their individual healing process. Relapses with a desire to quit are a far different situation than continuing ongoing substance abuse without a conscious desire to stop.) In this particular case, the adult child had not yet hit the point of being able to say, “I want to be clean.” The adult child was still wanting to return to a romantic partner who was also abusing drugs. What the parent was asking me to do was find a miracle cure that the parent could give the adult child that would make the adult child see the situation clearly and would help create change. Unfortunately, I can’t do that. The person involved has to take the first step and contact me, and even then, I do not offer or promise miracle cures.

This willingness to heal is only the first part of why I can only work with patients committed to achieving sobriety. The other reason is that substance abuse drags our metaphysical energy down. Much of the energy work I do aims to raise one’s energy level up so that one can heal the traumas that have damaged us during this and other lives. If one is still drinking or using, then one is actively (though unintentionally) pulling one’s energy down. If I were to attempt to help someone who was still using, we very likely would not make progress. The positive energy changes I would be helping create would be counteracted by the ongoing substance use creating negative energy changes. It’s like a tug of war where no one is going to win. I’m not the only healer who has found this to be true: there is a therapist in town whom I refer people to who uses EMDR with her clients. She requires them to be 100% free of recreational drugs and alcohol during the time period that they work together (and not just during actual sessions). She has found through years of experience that if clients are using any kind of mind altering substance, the EMDR will not “stick” and both client and therapist are wasting their time.

If someone has reached the point of wanting to heal, then I absolutely can help them. Once that person recovering from substance abuse reaches out to me, I have literally hundreds of flower essences in my collection to help the individual with the energetic issues that contribute to the problem of addiction; many are alcohol free, and others can be adapted to evade the alcohol in them. The essences alone will not help a person to quit using; the client will also need to be working with a licensed therapist and/or support program. However, the flower essences and other techniques that I employ can help the person to address the genetic, biological, emotional, and spiritual triggers that create the addiction situation in the first place. These triggers are often deeply buried emotions and traumas that none of us want to confront. However, by bringing the triggers to the surface using energy healing, the person has a better chance for a full recovery because they will be confronting the issues that caused them to start abusing in the first place. 

The work I do is one more way to support oneself during the difficult periods of recovery. It’s not a miracle cure-all. It still requires that those involved want to help themselves. In the case of the adult child above, I was able to help support the parent with the parent’s issues around the adult child’s addiction plus give suggestions of over the counter vitamins and supplements to talk to the adult child's doctors about using in order to help facilitate detoxification when the adult child does decide to stop using. However, until the adult child reaches out to me (and to many others) with the desire to heal, the best I can do is send positive thoughts and prayers that person may find the desire to heal sooner rather than later.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

Most people who ask for advice from others have already resolved to act as it pleases them. ~Khalil Gibran

If we perpetually seek some outer approval for our actions, we will never consciously walk our own road. ~Caitlin Matthews, “The Familiar Road,” The Celtic Spirit

All the advice in the world will never help you until you help yourself. ~Fred Van Amburgh

One of the more frustrating things for me to encounter in clients and in the world at large are people who seek my help repeatedly but who really don't want any advice. What they are primarily searching for in a miracle solution that requires no effort on their part; they also want attention. A friend who is a therapist has dubbed this phenomenon “help rejecting complainers.” That term sums up the issue rather concisely.

With clients, it’s not as frequent of an issue: they’re paying me, so it’s their own money they are wasting, and most people are aware of that. Because of my sensitivity to this issue, though, I will be politely blunt with a client if they’re not applying themselves enough for us to make progress. I don’t force clients to book on a particular schedule for follow up appointments. They can come back whenever they feel they are ready to move forward. However, if they are seeking to get me to do all their work without applying themselves at all, then I ask that they not book further appointments until they’ve worked on their “homework” a bit more. A big part of what I do is help people to learn to listen to their intuition and help themselves. It’s not an overnight process, but most people will move forward at a pace that is appropriate for them. Without following through on any of the suggestions I provide for their issues or on intuition of their own, though, the client can't usually move forward in a positive direction. 

I have run into this situation numerous times in the world at large as well. Prior to starting my business, there were several women in one of my internet groups who would regularly approach me for free advice about issues in their lives, often related to their physical health. These women have very legitimate health issues, and I believe them entirely about those health struggles. However, a very predictable pattern arose with these women: they would seek my help, I would send them detailed email messages, and then they would ignore everything I said. Sometime later, they would email me again letting know me what they had done. Inevitably their independent decisions would cause issues for them, so then they wanted me to not only fix the subsequent problems, but they would ask me for new advice to fix the original problem. However, my answers wouldn’t change. Just because they didn’t like the advice I had given them the first time doesn't mean the answer would magically have changed over the few months or by asking again. In this case, it truly feels like a waste of my time and energy to help.

In particular, there are several women in the group whom I suspect may have a variation of Münchausen syndrome by proxy, a condition where parents, usually mothers, create illnesses in their children to gain attention. In the case of the women I am acquainted with, none of them intentionally harm themselves or their children to my knowledge; I would be morally obligated to report them to child protective services if I thought that was the case. These women don’t consciously want the health problems that are making their lives a mess, yet at the same time, the mothers thrive on the attention they can obtain from the health struggles that they and their children face. They often turn to me and others seeking advice in order to get attention. In one case, the mother asked me questions for which I knew she already knew the answers. Having grown up with a narcissistic mother who behaved in this way, I also am aware of this pattern from personal experience.

At times like these, my willingness to help wears thin rather quickly. One of the life lessons I had to learn around this was in regard to setting boundaries. I am an empath and an intuitive; I’m also an INFJ. For most who fit in these categories, we want to help others. It’s part of our nature, so much so, that unless we set boundaries, we may be taken advantage of or abused. As a result, I’ve learned that there are times when I just have to say no. As much as I want to help others, I’m not willing to let them overtask my generosity. Thus, I no longer wrote long emails to help these attention seekers, instead substituting very brief responses. When I stopped giving them the attention they wanted, these women no longer felt a need to frequently ask me for help, especially once I mention that I now have a business where I charge people who need large amounts of my time. (I do still regularly answer short questions for free for established clients, friends, and community members.)

All practitioners experience this phenomenon to an extent with certain clients, though it’s definitely not the most common client scenario. Those who are paying for help generally do want to heal. However, some people are attention seekers, and they will try to get attention from whomever they can, even if it means paying for it. When they are willing, these people can be helped to find the attention they seek through healthier means by working on their minds and spirits while also healing their bodies. However, the choice to heal is one that only an individual can make. No one can successfully force healing or change on another. As quoted above, "All the advice in the world will never help you until you help yourself."

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

Back sometime between 1995 and 1998, I was a subscriber to Austin’s only daily newspaper which I read thoroughly (except for the business, sports, and classified sections). One year on Mother’s Day, there was a huge article with several large photos in the lifestyle section. The piece described a woman whose three children had been murdered by their father, her ex-husband. I was horrified. I didn’t understand how the paper thought that was an appropriate article to run on a day like Mother’s Day. In hindsight, I understand all too well.

Despite the greeting card and flower vendors’ cheerful endorsements of Mother’s Day which falls on the second Sunday of May each year in the U.S., not everyone finds the day to be one of celebration. For many people, Mother’s Day is filled with painful memories and/or current stress. The reality is that not everyone loves their mothers. Many have endured abusive relationships with our mothers, and thanking them for the “care” they provided for their children seems hypocritical at best. Some people are estranged from their mothers: Sometimes gratefully and sometimes with a lot of pain still attached to the separation. Our society provides a lot of support around divorcing a spouse, but there’s almost nothing there for those who decide to “divorce” a parent.

Other people were blessed enough to have wonderful mothers in this life, but those mothers have died. For those whose mothers aren’t here to celebrate because of death, the day can be horribly painful for surviving children, especially in the first years after their mothers’ deaths. While it will not eliminate the pain of the loss, sometimes doing something to celebrate the deceased woman can greatly help ease the discomfort of this holiday. Making your mother’s favorite meal, going to her favorite park, making a donation to her favorite charity… all of these are great ways to remember a mother. In my belief system, our deceased relatives are aware of us and our prayers, so I believe if you send thoughts to your late mother, she will hear them. It’s never too late to tell someone you love them, even if you aren’t able to hear them say it back.

If you are feeling particularly giving, know that there are always people in nursing homes who are terribly lonely on holidays. Either their children live far away, they have no descendants, or they’ve been abandoned by family. Regardless of the reasons why, these people can always use company, but especially on holidays when others have visitors and they do not. Most nursing homes will be happy to pair you with someone who would love to have you show up with a flower in hand and a willingness to talk for a while. (Please note that food gifts are not always the best with the elderly due to health-restricted diets.) If you don’t have a mother of your own to visit, know that there are many other women who could symbolically stand in her place.

For others, Mother’s Day is painful because they have had miscarriages or have lost a child (or even multiple children) to death. This is especially true when the child who has died was the firstborn but no subsequent siblings have been born. The women in these situations know in their hearts that they are mothers, but they don’t have children here to celebrate with them. Our society is less certain about whether these women are mothers, and people often don’t know how to handle the bereaved mothers. As is our society’s dysfunctional tendency, the usual result is that bereaved mothers are ignored on Mother’s Day (not to mention the other days of the year).

For many women, Mother’s Day is a dagger in their heart because they are suffering from infertility. They desperately want to be mothers, but they are not able to for whatever reasons. To see motherhood glorified all around them can make the women enduring infertility feel even more hurt than they already are by the traumas of infertility.

For biological mothers who have put their children up for adoption, Mother’s Day can also create a great deal of pain. While the choice to let another woman become a mother when one is not able to raise a child oneself is an amazing gift, the child that the biological mother gave up will always be in her heart. For some women, Mother’s Day may be a day of “what ifs” and mourning because they are not with their biological child even if they know they’ve made the best decision. For others, it may be a day of regret for making the choice they did.

Thirteen years ago when my twins were still toddlers, I attended Mass at a friend’s Catholic church on Mother’s Day. In what I’m sure the planners thought was a beautiful ceremony, all of the mothers were encouraged to come forward and receive a carnation at the end of the service. I was horrified. I knew that at least one of the women in the congregation had to want to be up in the front but she wasn’t able to be for some reason. While it’s one thing to pray a special blessing over those in the congregation who’ve given life to others, it’s another thing to bring them to the front so that all the non-mothers stood out like sore thumbs among the sea of men. In a probably unnoticed act of solidarity, I refused to go forward even though I had a toddler in my arms.

For me personally, Mother’s Day used to be a painful day. I am estranged from my narcissistic mother by choice. I haven’t seen her in 22+ years. I don’t miss that particular woman at all, but part of me will always miss the fantasy of the healthy loving mother whom I never had. For many years, I used Mother's Day as a time to pay tribute to the women who were mentors for me and who provided me with healthier role models of what women should be like; they played a role in mothering me in when my own mother could not. I also had many years where Mother’s Day was a painful reminder to me that I had lost a child. I now choose to focus on the beauty of the children who are with me, though it took many years for me to get there. I’m grateful that I can now find joy in the celebration of being a mother, but on Mother’s Day, my thoughts and prayers are always with those for whom it’s a day of pain.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

Recently, the notification of the suicide by a patient with Lyme came across on a Lyme group I’m a member of. Unfortunately, this is not a rare occurrence. Lyme may not kill directly the way a disease like cancer does, but the hell it causes for the patients and their families makes suicide a common form of death for Lyme patients. Early in my battle with Lyme, I read this speech made by Joseph G. Jemsek, MD, FACP, AAHIVS made before the North Carolina Medical Board on July 20, 2006. It became deeply seared into my brain, and I have unfortunately found out firsthand how true it is:

I was in high school when HIV and AIDS were finally starting to be understood. One of my youth group leaders said to us at one point, “You kids don’t understand how big of a deal AIDS is going to be.” (We’ve all suspected that he died from AIDS-related cancer a few years after that, but for religious reasons, his true medical history was not given to the public.) AIDS was the most terrible disease anyone could imagine at that point. Yet only 20 years later with the rapid innovations in HIV treatment, a doctor who works with both HIV/AIDS and Lyme patients clearly states that the Lyme patients are the ones with the inferior quality of life.

Unfortunately, suicide is not uncommon among those with Lyme because the quality of life that Lyme and accompanying tick-borne diseases leave people with is so low. There are a variety of reasons that can lead to patients taking their own lives. First and foremost, Lyme causes horrible physical pain that leaves them living in a hellish existence. Many have difficulties finding doctors to prescribe adequate pain relief as they’re seen as drug seekers and/or because of restrictions due to the “war on drugs.” For many pain doctors who don’t understand late disseminated or chronic Lyme disease, they can’t tell nor do they believe how bad the pain really is.

Getting treatment for Lyme disease itself is also difficult due to medical politics around Lyme disease. The nearest medical practitioner to Austin who openly treats Lyme is in a suburb outside Dallas; the second nearest doctor is in Louisiana and is over a six hour drive away. (There are others who practice covertly within Texas, but one won't find them on an internet search.) When I was first diagnosed with Lyme, my chemical sensitivities were too severe for me to be able to travel out of Austin to find treatment which greatly limited my options. For others, their difficult financial situations prevent travel and seeing doctors who are out-of-network. Many years ago, there was a nurse practitioner who used to openly treat Lyme in Austin, but she now practices in Washington, D.C. due to Texas Medical Board politics. Both the doctors who treat Lyme and the patients with Lyme suffer greatly due to these political issues when treatment is difficult to administer and receive.

The fatigue that accompanies Lyme is debilitating for many. At the worst of the illness, I wanted to end my marriage, but I could not because I literally could not take care of myself. I required a caregiver to buy me food and prepare it for me quite often. I couldn’t drive myself to the doctor. I couldn’t walk to the mailbox to get my Netflix discs (before the days of streaming) to keep me entertained. If I’d left my husband, I would have lost custody of my children because I couldn't have taken care of them in any meaningful way. Without my children, I would have lost everything that was important to me at that point and I would have had no reason to keep living.

Many Lyme patients are put on drug such as antipsychotics and antidepressants which carry suicide risk warnings. When I first began having severe Lyme related symptoms, my caring but misguided primary care provider decided I was suffering from postpartum depression and tried to convince me I needed an antidepressant. That is a fairly typical for most people who are dealing with the overwhelming symptoms of Lyme: Their doctors decide that this bizarre and long list of symptoms they are reporting must all be in their heads. Rather than pursuing testing and realistic solutions, the patients are put on drugs that have a potential to do more harm than good. The antidepressant that most doctors chose as a first line of defense is one that subsequent genetic testing has shown that my body cannot detoxify. Thus, taking that drug could have made me very ill or even suicidal.

Lyme can also cause mineral imbalances that cause emotional instability: I've experienced this personally when a sudden zinc deficiency cause a severe round of depression and crying. Imbalances in brain chemistry can happen with Lyme patients as well. Unfortunately, most practitioners aren't looking to find these simple-to-treat causes of depression and so patients don’t get the supplements they need to remain stable. 

Likewise, the extreme lack of quality sleep that can accompany Lyme disease can lead to suicidal thoughts. During the worst years of the Lyme battle, I was only getting one hour stretches of sleep even though I was sleeping 12-16 hours a day. Continuous sleep deprivation can destroy one’s body and mind, creating all kinds of dysfunction. There's a good reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.

Soon after I was diagnosed with Lyme, a friend with Lyme warned me of a severe depression that can accompany Lyme dying off. Another patient with Lyme also talked to me about it at a later date. The toxins released during a Lyme die off create a depression which makes the entire universe seem blacker than black. It is dark and awful; it defies description in ways that are unspeakable because of how horrid it is. It in no way resembles situational depression or minor depression that most of us have experienced at some point in our lives. During the Lyme induced depression, nothing in one's thoughts is accurate. I always knew that the hellish blackness would only last 48-72 hours, but there were times when I wasn't sure I would be able to make it through those few days of complete darkness.

It's not uncommon for friends and family to disappear into the woodwork over the course of a patient's Lyme struggles. When I first began having symptoms and had no diagnosis, many of my friends and family members didn't understand. Some did things that were physically harmful to me even though my ex-husband and I asked them to stop: They thought my chemical sensitivities were just delusions. Others thought the whole thing was delusional because surely no one could have as many symptoms as I was having and still have a normal CBC. They also falsely assumed that doctors can easily diagnose everything in this modern day. One of the default responses of people is that when they don't know what to do or don't know how to cope, they abandon the person in need. This happens all too often to Lyme patients who after years of suffering find themselves down to only a core group of friends who really care, and in some cases, they might not even have that.

Financial ruin is not unusual for those with late disseminated Lyme disease. I was blessed to be married to a man who earns a very successful salary. He was able to keep supporting me when I was no longer contributing to the family economy. His job provided decent health insurance, and while it doesn’t cover anywhere near half of my medical expenses, it does still pay on some of them. I applied for and upon appeal received SSDI, but the cost of my Lyme-related treatment has been over twice what I receive from SSDI in most years, and that doesn't even include needing money to pay a mortgage or eating or any of those other pesky living experiences. Were it not for my ex-husband, I would not have been able to afford the treatments that got me well. Healthcare and wellness are still a privilege of the wealthy in this nation, not a universal right.

When watching an ILADS conference video a few years, one of the keynote speakers, a doctor who was one of the best known in the field, told those attending something similar to the following: “If your patients didn’t have PTSD before they got Lyme, they will have it by the time they reach your office. They will have spent years and thousands of dollars going to doctors who don’t believe them and who can’t help them despite the fact that they have very real health problems.” The emotional distress of PTSD from health-related problems cannot be undervalued: It alone is enough to cause depression and suicidal idealization. This doesn't have to be, though, and it shouldn't be. If doctors were educated on Lyme treatment and insurance companies were willing to pay for it, the quality of the lives of patients with Lyme would increase rapidly. Instead, however, many Lyme patients are left broken, broke, and alone at the end of their battle. Is it any wonder that they choose suicide over a life of continuing struggle and pain?

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

I shop at Whole Foods regularly, and at the location I visit most often, I have noticed that recently Instacart has taken over the first checkout lane near the door. I didn’t really consider using their services because I assumed they would be outrageously expensive, plus, I *love* grocery shopping. It’s a luxury to me. For the six years I was homebound, I missed shopping. I would occasionally make it to the Boggy Creek Farm stand when my health was returning, but for the most part, I couldn’t shop for myself due my severe chemical sensitivities. I was dependent on others, mostly my then-husband, for ensuring I had food to survive.

I used a local produce delivery service for a while many years ago, but the produce quality was declining, and the company was substituting local products for organic but continuing to charge organic prices. They also were substituting for items that I very specifically had said NO SUBSTITUTIONS on my standing order form. I had a phone conversation with the company owner; I found him to be arrogant and ignorant. He didn’t really seem to care about anything I was upset about, but he tried to convince me that local and organic were equivalent in the big picture. At that point, I canceled my subscription. I still cringe when I see that company’s delivery trucks on the streets of Austin because it was such a bad experience by the end.

In recent weeks, my body has been weak because of the intensity of the medical treatment I have been undergoing. A friend suggested that I really should save my energy and use Instacart instead. Because of that bad experience with the produce delivery company, I was hesitant to try another delivery company’s services, but I decided that since the fridge was echoing, I needed to find some food before my kids rebelled. I didn’t want to tax a friend’s generosity again by having her take my teens shopping, so I plugged myself into Instacart while curled up on the couch. It took me quite a while to get my order together, but my preferences are now saved and ordering in the future will be very quick and easy in comparison to the first major trip (which was about 2 weeks of groceries for my family).

Instacart offers the first delivery free, but it is courteous to tip the shoppers/drivers for their services despite the free delivery. I am a very generous tipper, yet it was less than if I’d paid a personal shopper to do the shopping for me. In addition, the company did the best job I’ve ever had when a friend or stranger bought me groceries. The programming allows one to indicate a substitution or not; the user can also add notes about any given item. If they don’t have an item listed but you know that the store carries it, you can request it and upload a picture to help the shopper find it. I had six items, five of which were fairly common, that I requested that weren’t in the database. The shopper was able to find them all for me.  The only thing that I think needs some major improvement on the Instacart pages is that the produce selection shows what might possibly be available throughout the year, not what is actually in the store at this time of year. For example, Instacart had many organic stone fruits (peaches, plums, etc.) listed, but they are not yet in season or available in stores yet. 

When you check out online, you are able to indicate a one hour delivery window (or you can pick up at the store). I selected a 6-7 pm delivery time, and my driver texted just before 6:30 that she was on her way and would be there in 5-10 minutes. My kids helped her unload the car (though that was certainly not something she was expecting from her response). The driver was sweet and polite to the kids. She gave me a list of everything that they didn’t have as well as a kind note wishing me well. I was really thrilled with how well the whole process went.

I subsequently logged in to see how much delivery charges would be if I had Instacart bring me groceries again after the “first one free.”  For my local Whole Foods, the grocery prices are the same as the shelf prices at Whole Foods. Depending on the delivery time I selected, the delivery charge was between $2 and $8 total! I was shocked how low it was. Even with the tip for the driver, that still is an incredibly reasonable rate for the service provided. I was thrilled to discover this, and I will be using Instacart again. I regret not doing it sooner now that I’ve had such a great experience. Instacart also does shopping at Costco and another local grocery store which may come in handy for me.

A friend of mine in New York uses FreshDirect for her grocery delivery. She has her health, but she despises grocery shopping. Instacart seems to be targeting most of their marketing toward “busy people” who don’t have time for shopping for groceries. However, I think Instacart missing out on a huge market: The chronically ill, the disabled, those undergoing medical treatment, and new parents. All of these populations have members who can use help with grocery shopping, if not regularly, at least on occasion. In addition, Instacart has gift cards which would be great gifts for someone whom you might want to help but who lives in another city or state. Most parents with a newborn (and especially those with twins or higher order multiples) would be happy to have someone else do the grocery shopping for them far more than they need another pair of baby booties!

Overall, I am pleased to have found this new resource for assistance; I hope they continue to grow and thrive in the Austin area so that I can rely on their services for years to come.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

I thank God for my handicaps, for, through them, I have found myself, my work, and my God. ~Helen Keller 

One of the ironies of human life is that some of the most painful things we experience end up being incredible blessings in the long run if we can look at them through the right lens. For me, Lyme has been one of those bitter blessings. Enduring the struggles of late disseminated Lyme disease has been one of the hardest challenges of my life, far worse in ways than going through a divorce, earning a Ph.D. or even having a child die unexpectedly from natural causes. I have been through a very difficult twelve year war with Lyme that has involved being bedbound, homebound, misunderstood, and in hellish physical pain. Yet despite the misery that I have endured because of Lyme, I see it as having been a catalyst for many other incredible blessings in my life.

The stress that Lyme placed on my former less-than-healthy marriage was what dealt the final death blows to the relationship. However, without the influence of the Lyme, I probably would have stayed in a marriage that was less than satisfactory because I was blinded from the reality I was living in. Lyme helped clarify how dysfunctional and unsupportive of a relationship it was and how the relationship wasn't built to sustain those vows of “in sickness and in health.” While the end of the marriage was deeply painful, I am far happier since I separated from my ex-husband than I was in most of the relationship with him. I am very grateful to be able to say that I am happily divorced.

Because I was so sick with Lyme, I was bedbound for the better part of two years and homebound for six. The isolation resulting from the illness has been a huge part of my growth.  As Shakti Gawain writes in Living in the Light:

For me, the severity of the illness I endured forced me to have this time of isolation when I could grow without the overwhelming influence of the external world. While I still had access via the internet, I also spent a great deal of time in silence, and that was crucial to my healing. Now that I have been able to regain health, I am challenged to take my acquired knowledge into the world to help others.

Lyme has also forced me to me evolve spiritually. I would never have walked down the path I am now on if it hadn’t become a vital component for me to regain my health. I would have continued to spend my life, as I did in many previous lives, denying my metaphysical gifts out of fear of rejection and ridicule by those around me and in our society at large. Yet when accepting and using these gifts allowed me to heal when all else had failed, suddenly it no longer mattered what anyone else thought. I needed to be me, and I needed to help others to heal and be themselves, too.

Like any major illness, enduring Lyme for so long showed me what truly matters. I no longer take for granted things like going to the grocery store. I view it as a privilege, not a task. I no longer have an overwhelming need for material objects in my life; whenever I have a burst of health, I tend to use it to clean and purge as I’m still digging my way out from 12 years of accumulated clutter (partially due to living with a packrat and partially due to my inability to do anything besides the basics when I was so sick). I was never an incredibly materialistic person, but now, I’m even less so. Those things that used to bring me happiness no longer seem relevant.

I have also discovered who my true friends and family are. I believe strongly that family is the group of people you turn to both when you want to celebrate and when you want to cry. For many of us, those people aren’t our biological relatives. We create family where we can find it. We adopt families who accept us and love us exactly as we are. I definitely believe this is true for me. I have lost many friends along the way of my journey with Lyme, but I have also gained some new ones who are more amazing than I could have previously imagined.

So does this post mean that you should tell people who are going through some terrible trials that they are blessings in disguise? Absolutely not, unless you want to lose friends or risk life and limb with their reactions! Not everyone is in a space to be able to understand that their trials may eventually turn into blessings. Instead, the best response to people who are undergoing difficult times is simply to tell them that you’re happy to help them in whatever way would best serve them. Until they reach the point that time has helped heal their wounds and allows them to see what they have gained through their pain, the best thing to do is acknowledge their pain and offer loving compassion.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

Most therapists and many life coaches choose to present themselves as neutral. They do not indicate political preferences or social views. This is generally seen as the most professional thing to do so that they can appear as neutral as possible and assist as many clients as possible. From a business point of view, it makes sense: In order to attract the most clients, one does not want to present any potentially offending characteristics.

However, those human preferences and beliefs that we all have do impact therapists and life coaches. No matter how neutral they attempt to be, their advice will still be framed from their own education and belief systems. When I was choosing a personal therapist and a marriage therapist in the past, I was seeking therapists who were more open-minded than average. To that end, I looked for those who included “LGBTQ issues” as one of their specialties. I looked for therapists who did not advertise prayer based healing but did give imaginary bonus points those who utilized Buddhist thought in their work.

As a life coach, I am not constrained by many of the professional obligations that therapists are limited by. I still hold myself to high moral standards, and for me, that includes being honest enough to live with myself. I don’t use my business blog or business Facebook page to push my political views, but I do post about social perspectives that are part of the healing work I do. Because I am an open LGBTQQI ally, that means I will repel many of those who work from a position of hate. However, I would much rather work with those who do not intentionally discriminate rather than work with those who hate other people for their fundamental qualities. The work I do requires people to open themselves up to ideas that may be foreign to them; those who are already somewhat open-minded are going to be more likely to be able to successfully work with me.

It’s not a hard choice to me to decide how I want to present myself. I want to help those who are approaching life from a place of love, not fear. So for me, being honest about what I believe furthers my career and my personal growth as well as helping others who might not feel welcome in many places in our society. To me, it’s the loving thing to do.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC