(As always, I am not a medical doctor. This information is based on my personal experiences and should not be substituted for medical diagnosis or treatment. Please speak to your health care providers about your personal situation.) You shouldn't be ashamed of your pain. You have the right to have your pain treated. ~Naomi Judd In the fall of 2013, the media started bringing attention to how the DEA was going to make hydrocodone a Schedule II drug (which finally happened in October 2014) in order to cut down on prescription drug abuse. Since hydrocodone is one of the few painkillers that works well for me and that I don’t react to, I needed to find a pain specialist who had a triplicate prescription pad since none of my other practitioners have one. I didn’t want to wait until the change actually happened because I knew pain specialists would be having an influx of new patients which would make it difficult to get in for a new patient appointment. I solicited recommendations from those on my healthcare team, and I selected the one doctor most frequently named. I then had to be accepted by him as his client: He has a 16 page application. In part, this serves to scare off drug-seekers without true health problems who just want an easy fix. For me, filling out that application caused a much bigger reaction than I realized was going to happen. As I filled it out, I became very depressed. I already knew that I lived with chronic pain, even with drugs and additional natural healing support to take the edge off of the pain. However, the application made it very clear to me how much pain was limiting my life. Suddenly, I realized that it wasn’t just because of the need to have access to hydrocodone that I needed a pain specialist. It was because I was living with chronic pain. I have a pain problem. When I initially saw that first pain specialist, he asked me what brought me to his office. I told him that I had late disseminated Lyme disease. His response was, “Well, that’s why you have pain.” I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I had been all worked up that I was going to have to convince this doctor of the reality of my pain, and he was immediately offering me more drugs than I was willing to accept due to his familiarity with the difficulty of my condition. After almost a year with this doctor, it became very obvious to me that he was not the right doctor for me. The medication he had me on was causing life-threatening side effects yet he didn’t seem to care. However, I was concerned about switching doctors. If a patient sees too many pain specialists without settling on one, they are quickly labeled as a drug seeker and get a reputation in the medical community. It is very hard to find a good practitioner even without all the complicated issues my case provides. I had one pain specialist’s office refuse to accept my case due to my chemical sensitivities. Mercifully, the next doctor I tried was willing to take me on: He views me as a challenge, and he likes challenges. It is very difficult in some cases such as mine to find appropriate and adequate medication for pain. The overall trend is that patients in severe pain are not properly medicated and the medical community at large underestimates their pain. Last February, I read an article in the local newspaper that made me blow steam out of my ears. Speaking of the about-to-be-released Zohydro LR, a long acting form of hydrocodone, the article stated, “… the Fed Up! Coalition wrote a letter to FDA Commissioner Margaret Hamburg saying, ‘In the midst of a severe drug epidemic fueled by overprescribing of opioids, the very last thing the country needs is a new, dangerous, high-dose opioid.’” This quote could not be more wrong. There are actually a dearth of good drug options for those who suffer from chronic pain. This new form of an already proven relatively safe drug was a great advance, but it really wasn’t that much of a change from what was out there. It’s not really a new drug but a different form of an already (overly) popular drug. It's also not more powerful than the slow acting form of hydrocodone: If anything, in my non-medical opinion, it's probably less likely to cause addiction because Zohydro LR doesn't provide a "high" because of it's extended release mechanism which provides slow but steady pain relief without a rapid onset. However, the prejudice of this advocacy group and its protests only hamper the needs of those with true health issues who are lacking in good options for pain relief. I regret that I went so many years without seeing a pain specialist based on my misguided belief that I didn’t need one. I also didn’t want the stigma of seeing a pain specialist because I move in circles where many frown upon Western drugs. However, pain specialists really do have far better knowledge of how to manage pain than a general practitioner or even a Lyme doctor. Even though two years later we’re still struggling to get my pain under control, we've still made some improvements in my quality of life. I really wish I had taken this step sooner. © 2014 Green Heart Guidance Amazon periodically offers books for free for Kindle. One of theses recent books was You Are Allowed to Laugh: The Guide to a Life of Laughter and Fun by Tamar Shinboim Asayag (Author), Ofir Albag (Illustrator), and Liron Albag (Translator). From the start, it’s easy to tell that You Are Allowed to Laugh is written by a non-native speaker of English. However, when I went back to the title page and discovered that it was translated to English, I was even more disgruntled by its poor translation. I certainly would not attempt to write a book in another language, but if I had one translated, I’d make sure I also had a native speaker proofread the translation. Some of the translation errors are minor. Others create some major problems with connotation and understanding. At one point the author declares that it’s “okay to fool around” (33%).* To a native American English speaker, that phrase means that it’s ok to have a sexual affair. What Asayag actually meant was that it’s ok to act silly at times. Those are two very different things! Another sentence declares, “You should share others with your kindness” (77%). Even after reading that section, I’m still not sure what that sentence was meant to say! The illustrations are fine in terms of artistic skill, but they are often terrible in terms of content. In one depiction, a young child is crying while another has a lollipop and is laughing at the crying child (29%). This is called bullying, and it’s not something to laugh about. Likewise, there is an illustration of a groom smashing a wedding cake into his bride’s face (33%). Wedding cake smashing is immature, petty, and inappropriate. It’s not something to laugh at. Many of Asayag’s ideas don’t feel like they’ve been reviewed by a modern psychologist. In one section, the author declares that “You can make fun of yourself” (65%). Being able to laugh at one’s mistakes is a sign of maturity and healthiness; making fun of oneself because of low self-esteem is a totally different story and is a sign of a major problem. Along the same lines, the author doesn’t see the problems in taking “boring routine tasks, and turn them into a game or competition” (26%). Competition can be very detrimental to building positive relationships especially when young children are involved. It’s far better to set activities up as team building exercises. (See Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish for more information on this topic.) Like most authors of general psychology, Asayag lacks of true understanding about severe and chronic pain. Her comparison to her wedding being canceled by her fiancé just before it was supposed to happen is in no way the same. Her presumption that everyone can and should laugh or enjoy humorous activities is also lacking in perspective. Whenever an author says something like this, an unhealthy and vindictive side of me wants to spend time with them the next time they have a violent stomach bug and are clutching the toilet so that I can try to convince them that they should be laughing and smiling. It’s not an exact comparison, but it might help the authors understand that their overconfident ideas aren’t always applicable to all circumstances. Asayag also doesn’t seem to understand that people have different senses of humor. She’s also clearly not an intuitive empath or an introvert. For instance, she declares, “We kept looking for a different joyful activity that will suit everyone in hospitals, even to those that [sic] did not have enough energy to laugh” (24%). She claims that she found the solution in karaoke which she brags even brought patients in pain out of their rooms. However, as an intuitive empath, I find karaoke extremely unpleasant to enjoy most of the time. Many people are terrified of performing, and others’ self-worth takes a huge hit as those around them laugh at their lack of singing skills. While karaoke may be enjoyable for some, it’s a nightmare for others including the empaths listening to it. And yet despite all these critiques, there are still some very redeeming qualities to this book. It provides some really great concrete ideas for reprogramming oneself from a negative outlook on life to a more positive one. If you are fighting mild depression, are feeling stuck, are needing a new start, or are trying to find a way to change your world a bit, this book probably has some suggestions for small steps forward that you can make. I can also see the book providing inspiration in a time of job loss, an undesired move, an accident, or similarly trying times. The variety of activities and ideas it suggest for creating positive emotion are really helpful. Some of the activities presume that the reader has spare income for recreation, but a great number of the suggestions in the book can be done for cheap or free. Smiling certainly doesn’t cost a thing! The book also addresses a few larger concepts outside of just laughter and adding joy to one’s life. It discusses concepts like mindfulness when it suggests taking boring activities and transforming them so that they don’t cause you suffering. By removing some of the negativity in your life, you can also can create more room for positive energy. Overall, I’d rate the book as three stars, though had it been properly edited, it might have been four. *Percentages designate the location within the digital text. © 2014 Green Heart Guidance At one point in my life, I was telling someone that I had a hard time going to a certain yoga class because the voice of the instructor made me want to climb up the wall. She accused me of being too picky and just trying to come up with excuses not to go to yoga. I disagree with that view completely. If you watch the video linked above, you’ll understand what I mean. This is an extreme example to make a point. The video above is narrated by the Daleks, a fictional destructive extraterrestrial life form from the Doctor Who television series. The Daleks are meant to incur terror in the viewers’ hearts: Thus, their voices are not sweet and loving. They are ten times worse than fingernails on chalkboards in my opinion. I can only listen to about ten seconds of the above video before I have to shut it off or I will start popping blood vessels.
Even though this video is an extreme example, the same thing is true at other levels. It’s possible for someone’s voice to grind on your nerves when you are listening to a guided meditation or attending a yoga class even if you really like the meditation or class itself. While the most spiritual and able of us could block out that annoyance, most of us don’t have that kind of strength. We get distracted and annoyed by it. So why set yourself up for such a challenge? I don’t see a good reason for a beginner to do so. I highly encourage people to find verbal guidance which they find soothing and relaxing rather than stressful. For this reason, I have many, many guided meditations on my Spotify playlist. That particular playlist is not meant to be listened to from start to finish. Instead, it’s meant to be a sampler. If you’re looking for a new guided meditation to work with, the playlist offers you the opportunity to listen to various artists for free with no commitment. You can hear their voices and styles, and then you can find something that works well for you. When beginning meditation, it’s really better to start with a challenge that is welcoming such as a guided meditation that you enjoy rather than torturing yourself with something that will drive you away from ever trying again. Since many of us turn to meditation for relaxation and de-stressing, shouldn’t we do everything we can to find something that helps us achieve that goal? © 2014 Green Heart Guidance (This is a special encore presentation from my archives.) One of the hidden blessings of chronic fatigue is that the illness forces you to prioritize and recognize what is truly essential to life. You no longer have the energy to participate in the seasonal chaos that occurs at this time of the year. It just isn’t a physical option. And so, with great regrets at first, you learn to cut back on what you can do for Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate. While I certainly don’t advocate getting sick just so you can learn that lesson, I can see the benefits it has brought to my life. I’m sharing a few tips from my experience that may or may not be of use to you in helping reduce some pressure from your life. Christmas is a season, not a day. If you believe the retailers, the season begins in October when they start putting out the Christmas items. While I think it should be shorter than that, I do think it lasts more than one or two days. Don’t feel pressured to do everything in a short period of time. Spread out your celebrations. I’ve held Christmas gatherings on December 8th because it was the only mutually agreeable date. I’ve been to Christmas gatherings in early January when weather foiled December plans. Regardless of when you do it, spread the season out a bit so that you don’t overexert yourself. Decorate as a group or party activity. Decorating for Christmas takes a great deal of energy. My family no longer goes all out for decorating, and I do miss parts of that. However, I accept that I do what I can. One way to still make this happen is to have parties to decorate and undecorated the house. Most people like to do a certain part of the decorating but not another (the tree, the lights, the ornaments, the accessories). Throw a minimalistic party in December and invite a few friends to come help decorate and celebrate the season. Make it potluck so that you are not providing the food as that takes more energy. If you have special items you are concerned about breaking, set them aside before the party starts. That way you can make sure they are safe. In Catholic culture, the season of Christmas lasts from December 25th to January 6th in many countries. Celebrate the arrival of the three wise men with another un-decorating party the weekend after New Year’s. Have friends come over again, bringing leftover fruitcake to munch on, and reverse the decorating process. Use the time to decompress from all the foibles and stresses of the season that you are now packing away until the end of the next year. Holiday Baking. I used to love to make many flavors of cookies just like my grandmother did. However, now I am lucky to just get one made. Dietary restrictions make this even harder. Truth be told, I don’t need or want the sugar from the baking, but I recognize many others do consider it a part of the holidays. Consider hosting a cookie exchange. Everyone brings several dozen cookies bagged or boxed in dozens. For every dozen you bring, you take home another dozen. Everyone brings one extra dozen for the hostess so that you don’t have to bake, but you’ll provide coffee, tea, and milk. Put out some of the cookies in these hostess dozens so that everyone can sample and munch. This way you can still have a variety of cookies around the house without doing the baking! Online shopping. It is a lot less stressful than facing malls full of perfumed people and products. True, it doesn’t allow you to have the fun of seeing all the objects you are buying first and experiencing the Christmas decorations, but it does cut down on time and stress. I really recommend it. No one knows if that name brand item came from a big box store or online. Buying ahead. I try to pick up presents for my kids (especially stocking stuffers) as I see items on sale during the months ahead. I keep a list on my computer so I don’t forget what I’ve bought. Where I have hidden the gifts is a separate problem: I need to add that to the list, too! Green gift wrapping. We use pillowcases and ribbons to wrap presents that aren’t going to others outside of the house. It is far more green than paper that is going to be thrown away after one use. It also avoids using tape which was a huge chemical sensitivity for me for many years. If I can, I use reusable gift bags for others who don’t live here. Regardless, the pillowcase approach makes gift wrapping much quicker and easier! Give non-tangible gifts. The best gifts are the ones from the heart. While many don’t share that belief, you can use this approach for those who do. Rather than give gifts that the receiver may not like or that may not fit, consider making a donation to a charity like Heifer International, Kiva, your local food bank, or a charity of the receiver’s choice. Other non-tangible gifts might include tickets to a community play, a local museum membership, or a donation of your time to take a loved one on an excursion you might not do otherwise, like taking them out to dinner. For someone with chronic illness or physical limitations, some of the best gifts you can give are spending time with them or helping them with tasks they cannot handle themselves. For those who are living on tight budgets, you can sometimes make an anonymous payment to one of their utilities by contacting the utility company and using their address to access the account. Remember the reason for the season. While I am no longer Christian, I do believe in focusing on the values of this time of year rather than the commercialism of the mainstream culture. It is a time to remember family, to remember our blessings, and to be grateful for all we have. Consider attending a worship service at the religious group of your choice or go for an extra hike in nature just to appreciate the natural beauty of the amazing world around us. How ever you chose to celebrate this season, may it be a blessed, safe and peaceful one for you and your loved ones. ©2014 Green Heart Guidance.com I recently was dealing with a customer service person who was inadvertently teaching me some lessons on patience. As I told her that the option she was presenting me with was not a good one, she told me, “You don’t have a choice.” In that regard, she was wrong, and her narrow-minded view was blocking her ability to see my other options. We almost always have choices. They may not be great choices, but we have choices. It just depends on how we frame our vision as to whether or not we can see the choices available to us. I live in a county which is ruled by one political party which happens to be the party I oppose. In the 13 years I’ve lived here, there has only been one elected official at any level of government who came from the party I support; she was voted out again after only two years in office. Often when I go to the polls, there is only one person from the dominant party running for an elected office. There are no other choices on the ballot. However, even in this case there are options. I could have surveyed the candidates for office long before the ballot was formed and seen the lack of opponent, and I could have run for that political office. That’s not something I want to do, but it is a choice. I also could have found someone else to run for office, or I could have donated more funds to my political party of choice to encourage someone else to run for office. Finally, there’s the option I usually take: Even if there’s only one choice on the ballot, I refuse to vote for that person. It’s not a great option, but leaving it blank is the way I register my displeasure rather than voting for a person whose beliefs I don’t support.* There are other times where all the available choices are downright awful. We all are going to die: That is one of those few things for which there are no options. In the case of a pet dying, we sometimes do have option about how that death happens, though. One of my dogs was diagnosed with cancer of the thymus gland at age 13. Because he also had Cushing’s Disease, steroids were not good options. We could have done surgery, but chances were that it was too late for him, and the surgery would have only increased his pain but not lengthened his lifespan. So we accepted that his death was imminent. Four weeks after we began noticing a horrid cough and three weeks after diagnosis, he had some sort of stroke or seizure, and the next day he lost the majority of use of his back legs. Without the ability to walk, dogs have lost almost everything. At that point, we chose to have him euthanized. We already knew he was dying and that his time was limited; we merely were shortening his suffering. It was still an awful choice to make, but we made the decision we felt would be best for him. We almost always have choices. They may not be good choices, but they are choices. Sometimes choosing the lesser of two evils is the best we can do. However, whenever we are feeling stuck, we should examine the situation carefully; talking to a friend, coach, or therapist can often help in this type of situation because others can sometimes see choices that we are being blind to. From there, we can make the best choice available. © 2014 Green Heart Guidance *In the last election, the option of not voting for a solitary candidate was taken away, and there were 13 winners declared before the elections even happened on my electronic ballot. Time to remove that from my list of choices! So much of our society is prejudiced against obesity. There are many false assumptions about those who are obese: They are lazy, they are couch potatoes, they have poor diets, they are emotional eaters, they have no interest in health, and more. Sometimes a mercy judgment of poor genetics also gets thrown in. The repeating day-to-day encounters I have with this judgment throughout our society amaze me. As a woman who has been both proportionately slender and fat as an adult, I really can notice a difference in how people treat those who are obese. This post was partially inspired by an inspirational meme from Facebook. It quotes a Dr. Gould as saying, “Emotional eating triggers are usually based on a need to soothe emotional pain. Perhaps, then, the next time we see someone overweight, or don’t like what we see in the mirror, instead of saying, ‘There’s a person who eats too much,’ we might say, ‘There’s a person who’s hurting too much.’” When I first read that, I became livid. I counted to a lot more than ten before posting a response similar to this: “Obesity can be caused by a variety of issues, not just emotional pain. Judging others in any way is not a healthy attitude. Perhaps instead of focusing on an individual’s weight, we could focus on the beautiful person they are inside and out.” Even as an obese woman who has herself pretty together emotionally, I’ve still faced many health practitioners who automatically assume that I binge eat or eat for emotional reasons. For some of them, this is because they have emotional eating issues that they are projecting onto me. For others, it’s just plain prejudice based on bad assumptions. Once they discuss diet with me, they realize I eat amazingly well; my weight issues are due to Lyme, not food-based emotional outlets. Likewise, this attitude against obesity is the pervasive one on dating sites. One direct quote from a man on a dating site states, “If you are obese, chances are you are unhealthy. I want to be with someone who chooses to be healthy.” While this statement does leave a little wiggle room, it’s still based in false ideology. Just because someone is obese doesn’t mean they are mentally or physically unhealthy or that they choose their current body weight. I have several clients who are obese but can run five miles or bike twenty. They eat diets that range from moderately good to excellent. They are healthy, physically or mentally. But for some reason, their body won’t let go of that extra fat. Another man on a dating site falsely presumes, “I'm cool with a little extra here and there, but for the most part I'm looking for someone that takes care of themselves--especially if it took them awhile to get into shape like I did.” Being obese doesn’t mean that one doesn’t take care of one’s self. It means one has extra body fat that may be there for any number of reasons. Yet another dating site quote, which I regret not copying directly, generally stated, “If you are obese, we are poorly matched because of `life style differences.’” This man is right, but for the wrong reasons. He and I are not well-matched, but it’s because he is prejudiced, not because we have lifestyle differences. Too few people in our culture are willing to look beyond a person’s physical attributes. I firmly believe that we are souls with bodies, not bodies with souls. What is within a person is far more important than what is without, and I’m not talking about gut flora, either! When discussing good-looking men with female friends, I’m almost always baffled by some of their selections. Because I am able to read a person’s energy as well as look at their appearance, I find myself far more influenced by their energy. Men like Mel Gibson, Robert Downey, Jr. or Charlie Sheen who are considered good-looking by some are very unattractive to me. Their energy is just not healthy. Western medicine does not help with this judgment. So many doctors presume that obesity is due to any of the causes listed at the beginning of this post. However, this TEDex talk by Dr. Peter Attia is right on the money. He’s realized though his own personal battle with health problems and incredibly rapid weight gain that obesity is often the symptom of the health problems, not the cause. It would be great if more doctors and the media at large could realize this so that our society’s views on obesity can start to change. Even though this TEDex talk isn’t short, I highly recommend watching it. You may end up crying at the end as I and many others in the audience did! © 2014 Green Heart Guidance In the past several weeks since I first started my Pinterest account for Green Heart Guidance, I have continued to add new boards. Now there is not only a board for the archives of my inspirational mantras, but there are also boards on spirituality, health challenges, mantras from others, crystals, fun metaphysical stuff, jewelry, spiritual humor, metaphysical humor, holistic life coaching humor, relationship humor, and healthy recipes. Please come check it out! © 2014 Green Heart Guidance When I first came out to my friends as metaphysically gifted, it was as an intuitive empath. So what exactly does that mean? An intuitive is someone who is guided by higher powers and knows things that s/he could not possibly know otherwise. Some would use the term psychic instead of intuitive, but I prefer intuitive partially because of some of the negative connotations associated with the term psychic. I am very much guided by my own intuition as well as the input of higher powers, though one could argue those are the same things. An empath is someone who can feel others’ emotions in his/her/hir own body. Arguably, the most famous empath is actually a fictional character, Deanna Troi of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Troi used her abilities to sense the emotions in foreign species in order to act as the counselor to the ship’s captain, helping him assess the intentions of those the crew encountered. Her abilities are presented as fictional and impossible for most humans (as she is half-Betazoid on her mother’s side), but being an empath is a real experience for some humans. For me, sensing others’ emotions is no different than noticing what color shirt they have on or listening to their tone of voice. When I walk into a room, it’s part of what I assess unconsciously. Some argue that this ability develops in individuals as a survival skill, especially in abusive or traumatic situations. I think that probably combines with a natural disposition toward the ability. Regardless of how I developed it, it’s something I’ve always done. I didn’t even realize that it was something that most people didn’t experience until just a few years ago. When I read Judith Orloff’s Positive Energy at the recommendation of a therapist, I found the book rather boring on one level. It described how I’ve lived my life all along. On another level, it was completely enlightening to learn that others didn’t function the way I do and that was causing some of my disconnect from others. After reading the book, I went to a session of marriage therapy and apologized to my ex for all the times when I thought he was being clueless about things that were so obvious to my perception. For me, some people are much easier to read than others. In general, I find men easier to read than women, but even then, there’s quite a bit of variation in how much I sense when I encounter someone. That amount has to do with my abilities, the metaphysical shields that others have, and others’ relationships to me. There’s also another wildcard element to it that I don’t fully understand. It also can sometimes make social interaction with others challenging because I can "see" or feel when a person is lying to me or trying to avoid telling me the truth. The emotions I feel from others are very visceral and palpable. It can be as strong as if I were actually experiencing those emotions myself. When I went to the 5K Austin Gorilla Run a few years ago, I was standing at the beginning of the race and then moved so I could be at the finish line. The energy was so different at the finish line! I’ve never been a runner, so I’ve never experienced a runner’s high firsthand, but that feeling coming off the people at the finish line? That was good stuff! Likewise, the feelings of being around someone who is crazily in love can be very obvious (and happy) to me. Unfortunately, it’s not just the positive emotions that I experience. When I am at a zoo or kennel, I can feel the animal’s misery from being held captive. It makes those really intolerable places for me. Likewise, when I’m killing off parasites or forcing negative entities to leave, I feel a horrible sensation of panic, and I feel like I want out of my body. I’ve learned to recognize that it’s not me experiencing that emotion: It’s the critters in me, and if they’re freaked out about leaving, that’s ok. They should be. Their time to go has arrived. I just have to hold on for a few days and that sensation will pass. When I first started trying to explain this all to my ex-husband under the supervision of our marriage therapist, he actually was able to give one of the best explanations I’ve heard to date. He said, “So what you’re telling me is that if you were blindfolded and walked into a room, you could tell me what someone in the room was feeling without reading their body language or facial expressions or vocal tone.” That’s exactly it. However, in the real world, I don’t go around blindfolded, so those other elements also do play in quite a bit. I am not a mind-reader: Telepathy is not among my gifts, so whatever I am experiencing of other people does not involve what they are actually thinking. It’s what they are feeling. An intuitive empath, therefore, is someone who combines the qualities of an intuitive and an empath. When I am doing metaphysical work as an intuitive, my ability to sense emotions becomes a skill I can use. In a recent message I received, I could feel the client’s terror about a cooking knife. I have no idea what that was about, but I knew *I* felt terrified by that knife! I can also sense the energy of the messengers, too. Sometimes it’s calm and peaceful; other times it can be incredibly uncomfortable. In one case, I was speaking with a client’s grandmother. In our follow up appointment when I politely tried to explain that she felt horribly on edge to me, he replied that she had OCD in life. That would explain it! It also helped confirm for him whom I had been communicating with. As I said, I’ve been this way all of my life, and I can’t imagine being any other way. I now understand that not everyone is like me, and that’s made it easier to comprehend parts of the world around me. With that understanding has come more peace about who I am and the way I function. © 2014 Green Heart Guidance, LLC Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people. ~Carl Jung Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough. ~Charles Dudley Warner If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from other folks who didn't succeed either. ~Author Unknown By the time one is an adult, 99.9% of us have emotional baggage. Some have more than others, and some are more aware of what their baggage is. The further we progress in life, the more baggage we can pick up. It’s possible for that baggage to merely become a part of our emotional past, but it takes active work in order to make that transformation happen. “Just forgetting about it” doesn’t really work. Our bodies store traumas and emotional pain even when we emotionally repress our issues. All of that crud that we pack away will eventually come to the surface in one way or another. Healers are people, too. They have their own baggage and problems that they face outside of work hours. Many therapists, life coaches, and physical healers enter their fields because of the struggles they’ve faced previously. In my opinion, one of the differences between great practitioners and not-so-great practitioners is that the great practitioners acknowledge their personal issues. They realize they are human. And most importantly, they spend their entire lives working on continuing to improve themselves. Continuing education is required in many healing professions in order to keep one’s licensing or certification up-to-date, so whether they want to or not, practitioners complete courses to meet those requirements. Beyond that, though, great healers read on their own, exploring books in their fields and others. They go to classes and conferences not because they have to but because they want to. Education and healing is part of their personal journey, and their work on themselves benefits their clients and patients, too. Healing practitioners who present themselves as knowing everything should be trusted very warily. They are human. They don’t know everything. They may know a great deal about a sub-speciality of their field, but they won’t know everything. If they claim to have a perfect life, be concerned as well. None of us are without difficulties; our burdens just vary from person to person. Seek out practitioners who see education and healing as a life-long journey, one that they include in their own personal lives, too. © 2014 Green Heart Guidance On Thursday, I was waiting to get my blood drawn at a local lab. I wait outside because the lab is cleaned with highly toxic and very fragrant chemicals that I can’t tolerate yet. As I was sitting outside reading my Kindle, an older woman approached walking slowly with a cane. She smiled as she commented to me, “Brrr. It sure has gotten cold out!” I laughed and politely responded that it had, but I thought it felt wonderful. She agreed that it did, and she was enjoying it. I added that the recent rains had been wonderful, too, and she shared her joy at them as well. This is pretty typical for Austin, and it’s generally what’s referred to as “Texas friendly.” Strangers walk up to each other and start talking about random topics on a regular basis. Sometimes it’s merely the weather, but other times there is a bit more to it. As an introvert, I’ve had to learn how to strike up small talk conversation with people I don’t know. After getting over the initial years of fear of doing it, now I find it quite easy to talk to people whom I’ve never met before at the grocery store or farmers’ markets or pretty much anywhere else. It wasn’t like this where I grew up in Missouri, but it was something I really came to like about Texas as an undergraduate. After receiving my bachelor’s degree, I left Austin to pursue my master’s degree at Boston College, but I missed Austin terribly from the start. Boston was beautiful and I greatly preferred the cooler weather up there, but generally the culture is much more inhibited. People aren’t intentionally mean, but they can seem rude if you aren’t used to the ways that they interact. It’s nothing like Texas friendly. After six weeks of living in Boston, I flew to Houston to visit my fiancé. He didn’t have a car, so I had to take the bus from the airport to his college dorm. While waiting for the bus, I asked a jovial middle-aged man standing next to me if the fare was still 85 cents. He replied that it was, and then he quickly pulled out a bunch of change and asked me if I needed some. I thanked him and told him I had the fare; I just hadn’t been in Houston in several months and I wanted to make sure the rates hadn’t changed so I didn’t hold up the line when I was getting on. Back in Boston several months later, I was riding on the T, the (partially above ground) subway system. I was sitting at front of the train to minimize my motion sickness. A business man dressed in a suit got on and was short 25 cents for the fare. So I opened my wallet and handed him a quarter. He looked at me like I was an alien. Once he paid, he thanked to me demurely. I let him know that it was only a quarter, and it was no big deal (even for me as a grad student!). Still, you could tell that he was flabbergasted by a stranger reaching out and paying even that amount of the fare for him. Given that I moved back to Austin after only nine months in Boston and completed my master’s degree long distance, I definitely prefer the Texas friendly attitude. It can really make my day to have even a few sentences of polite chatting with a complete stranger as it did on Thursday when that other woman shared her smile and her happiness with me. While there are a great number of things about Texas I truly despise, the general friendliness is not one of them. © 2014 Green Heart Guidance Reading is the journey of those who cannot take the train. ~Francis de Croisset When my health was at its worse, I had no energy. I mean none. I spent 22+ hours a day in bed. Just getting a shower and getting food in my body was a struggle. The pain I was suffering and the brain fog I was enduring meant that reading was not a good option for me because I couldn’t concentrate very well. Add to that the fact that I was reacting to inks and formaldehyde in paper, and books weren’t accessible to me. So what did I do for entertainment? I watched a LOT of videos. Previously I was not a big tv or movie fan. I’d see some things on occasion, but I didn’t keep up with many series and I only went to the movies a few times a year, if that. Being so sick changed that. I caught up on many wonderful series that I had missed when they were broadcast originally such as The Wire, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Six Feet Under, Queer as Folk, and many more. At that time, video streaming was not available, so I had a 10 disc plan with Netflix, and even that couldn’t keep up with my viewing demands. I’d also have my then husband check videos out from the local public library. I’d occasionally borrow from friends' video collections, too, to have another back up option to make sure I had entertainment. Aside from Netflix, there are now quite a few other options for video streaming that I wish had been available then such as videos on various networks’ websites such as pbs.org, Hulu, and Amazon Instant Video. I’m not a fan of audiobooks; I think this has to do with the fact that I started reading at age two, and I really have no memories of anyone reading to me as a result. My speed of reading was far faster than anyone’s verbal reading, so I think I just grew intolerant of listening to others read. However, this is another option for people with illness using books from resources such as Audible and the public library. Once I had recovered quite a bit, I eventually broke down and bought a Kindle even though they were still really expensive then; of course, the price dropped dramatically right after I bought one because that is how Murphy’s Law of Technology works. It took me several months to get the screen of the Kindle off-gassed enough for me to tolerate it, but then I was good to go. It was amazing for me to finally be able to read again after so many years of not reading. I still dearly love my Kindle and couldn’t imagine life without this disability accommodation device. It’s not at all the same as reading a paper book, but it’s far better than nothing. I check out e-books from Amazon and the public library. There are also many blogs online that post about free Kindle books when they are available, and that also helps with cheaper reading material. I buy books, too, but as any ardent reader can tell you, a book addiction can add up fast! I had issues tolerating sewing materials, but for many, knitting, crocheting, and other handicrafts can be ways to pass the time while in bed. Jewelry making could also fall into this category of crafty entertainment. I read an article about one woman with a chronic illness who makes dolls as an outlet for her creativity during her illness and as a way to bring in some extra funds. Meditation and prayer are also forms of beneficial entertainment when bedbound. They have been scientifically shown to help with healing. For those with more energy and the ability to be slightly mobile, yoga can also be very healing on physical, spiritual and emotional levels. The internet is a wonderful way to spend time, too, though I didn’t have a laptop when I was at my sickest, and that limited how much time I could spend on the computer because sitting up was too exhausting for me. However, one needs to be selective about what one does on the internet. News sites contain so much bad news that they can pull one’s spirits down. Likewise, I found that many illness support forums and discussion groups are very negative in content which wasn't helpful to my recovery. As a result, I’ve learned how to skim them for research information but to avoid the negative complaining and thought that can be there as well. Skype and the disappearance of long distance charges now make communication via phone and computer also a great option. These activities can provide companionship and benefit to many people. One online friend who has chronic fatigue syndrome found the best way for her to get socialization in was to have friends over to her house for potlucks every odd Friday. Her friends brought the food, and they came to have fun with her. While the severity of my fatigue and my chemical sensitivities prevented such an activity for me, I always thought it was a wonderful idea. As my health improved, I started to get more energy, though I ave yet to cross the threshold of having even 50% of the energy of a healthy adult. Still, with that extra energy I gained back, I threw myself into cooking which I find both relaxing and delicious. I taught myself digital photography, a hobby that kept me busy for a long time, helped me meet new people online through Flickr, and also led to starting my first business. Photography also gave me a new perspective on life, helping me see beauty in places I’d never noticed it before. © 2014 Green Heart Guidance (As always, I am not a medical doctor. This information is based on my personal experiences and should not be substituted for medical diagnosis or treatment. Please speak to your health care providers about your personal situation.) Food is our common ground, a universal experience. ~James Beard I follow George Takei’s highly amusing Facebook page which is actually staffed by others besides just him. I enjoy its humorous take as well as its vocal support of those less privileged in our nation. However, recently someone on the staff felt it was ok to poke fun of those with food allergies and sensitivities. They shared a post that was far from funny. Most open-minded people wouldn’t consider putting up a post that made fun of braille signs or wheelchair ramp signs, but our society is unfortunately still at a point where food intolerances of any kind are seen as a joke, not a potentially life-threatening problem. As the poster on the left states, food allergies are not a punchline. My children and I have all dealt with food sensitivities; they are fall out from “leaky gut syndrome” and Lyme Disease. While not true IgE allergies, food sensitivities still have the potential to make someone feel horrendous. They can cause migraines, reflux, digestive woes, fibromyalgia flares, eczema, rashes, and more; for some people it’s so serious that even skin contact will cause a major reaction (as indicated by the gluten free soap sign). Yet as my kids and I dealt with these issues, many people including family members chose not to believe that our food sensitivities are real. My kids and I observed (and one child and I still observe) strict diets so that none of us would be miserable from the side effects of foods that bothered us, but we would occasionally find people who wanted us to have “just one bite” of whatever was being served. They were trying to force food on others for reasons that didn’t make sense. We were not starving. We were politely opting not to eat what was served, and in many cases we brought our own food so that the host/ess did not have to worry about accommodating our eating needs. However, many took it personally that we wouldn’t eat their food even if it would have made us sick. Why? I think Cesar Chavez had it one of our culture’s notions around food correct when he stated, “If you really want to make a friend, go to someone's house and eat with him... the people who give you their food give you their heart.” By refusing other people's food, they were taking it personally that we were also refusing them. Unfortunately, that’s a maligned perspective. Those who love you unconditionally wouldn’t ask you to cause yourself bodily harm just to feed their egos. So why is there so much animosity about food sensitivities? There are many possible reasons. Quite a few people believe that IgG food sensitivities don’t exist. Part of this comes from the fact that Western medicine doesn’t have an approved and statistically reliable test to diagnose them nor are there any treatments for food sensitivities that can be billed to insurance. Until there is a drug or insurance covered treatment to help with the food sensitivities, most mainstream allergists will see no reason to deal with them. Money unfortunately drives our health care system more than patient welfare. Others see food sensitivities as part of the current gluten-free fad diet. They think people are making a choice not to eat gluten, when for many, it’s not a choice. For those with celiac disease who can’t even have trace exposures to gluten or for those with anaphylaxis to other allergens, abstaining from certain food items is a hassle and a frequent struggle, but it’s what they must do to live safely. Some people object to food sensitivities from a very narrow-minded and selfish point of view because they feel the dietary needs of others inconvenience them. When sensitive friends won’t go to the restaurants they prefer because there are no food options that those with allergies can safely eat, those without allergies can feel put upon. When sensitive friends don’t eat the food that is provided at social events, the same people may see it as an insult. Rarely have I heard of those with food sensitivities or allergies who ask their hosts to cater to their needs: It’s too much work to ask of someone, plus it’s too easy for someone who isn’t familiar with cross-contamination and hidden ingredients to accidentally put something into food that will cause a reaction. It’s easiest and safest for those with food issues to just bring their own food. Likewise, many parents bitterly lament nut-free policies in schools or classrooms because they see it as an inconvenience when packing their picky-eating children’s lunch. However, it’s much more inconvenient for the kids with anaphylaxis to nuts to stop breathing. Some naysayers see it as attention seeking behavior. I had some very mean things said to me while my kids were little, and I was accused of Münchausen syndrome by proxy by one family member. Really, if someone wants attention, food sensitivities and food allergies are not a great way to get it. They make one’s life much more complicated, and they create a situation in which you are excluded things which you might normally enjoy, such as having a slice of delicious looking birthday cake at a party. This brings up another major reason for some of the resistance: Our culture is definitely built on food. Until you face food sensitivities or food allergies, you don’t truly realize how obsessed our society is with certain foods being served at certain events or how most holidays are centered on food. Once you have to change how you participate in those events, your view changes as well. Elsa Schiaparelli has noted that, “Eating is not merely a material pleasure. Eating well gives a spectacular joy to life and contributes immensely to goodwill and happy companionship. It is of great importance to the morale.” Suddenly, you aren’t participating in that pleasure in the same way others are. There’s also the possibility that people who are resisting against the concept of food sensitivities and allergies and how they impact others is merely hiding behind their own fear. To quote William Shakespeare, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." These people are afraid of the truth and the reality that foods they love can truly be dangerous for others. However, their own fear is not a good enough reason to degrade or humiliate others who are limited in their food choices by their sensitivities and allergies. Perhaps some are also fearing that their own health issues might be caused by food, and they are terrified by the possibility of losing some of their favorite things to eat. Some people will rudely and dangerously “test” a friend’s food sensitivities or allergies by putting the offending item in the person’s food to see if they notice or if this is all just a psychological problem. This is not ok. It can result in violent vomiting, migraines, or even death. Even if the person doing the “testing” doesn’t see the results, that doesn’t mean that the person with the sensitivities didn’t go home and spend the next two days in agonizing abdominal pain with horrible diarrhea but was too polite or embarrassed to mention it to the host. Please don’t “test” the allergies and sensitivities of those who have them. Just trust that they know what is best for their bodies. Regardless of naysayers' opinions, food allergies, food sensitivities, and other conditions such as celiac disease are true health problems. They can cause a great deal of misery and even death for those who must deal with them. These issues are not a lifestyle choice. They’re not a desire to make everyone’s life a little more confusing or difficult. They’re not an attempt to be rude. They’re a harsh reality that the sufferers and those they live with must cope with every day whether it’s convenient or not. © 2014 Green Heart Guidance Two of my grandparents were alcoholics. One recovered; the other died young due to cirrhosis from drinking too much. Amongst their children, there were several heavy smokers and several very heavy social drinkers; at least one was an alcoholic. And playing into traditional stereotypes, yes, they were of good Irish stock. In the Catholic Church, if one accepts the communion cup, one is able to start drinking at age 8 or 9 in most cases. It’s only a small sip of wine each Sunday, but it is exposure to alcohol. By the time I was in high school at age 14, I started craving the alcohol in an insane way. I knew my family history, and I realized that what was happening was not healthy. I also knew that whenever I was stressed out, I turned to soda. I felt like I was very clearly getting signs that my genetic predisposition to alcoholism was going to manifest if I didn’t make careful choices. As a result, I began abstaining at that point. Twenty-six years later, I still get cravings for wine based only off of communion cup exposure. I also only tasted beer once in my life when a friend’s mom gave me a sip at the ballgame when I was 11. I hated the taste of the beer yet I will still get cravings for it, too. For me, it was the mature and responsible decision not to ever start drinking socially. In retrospect with the knowledge of my health problems which have greatly impacted my liver, it was the best thing I could have done for myself. I’m also grateful I didn’t have to give alcohol up when I started battling health problems; that is a struggle for many individuals. Even if I wanted to drink now, my body wouldn’t let me without severe repercussions. I do partake of supplements that are alcohol based tinctures, and most of them are filled with herbs that are so potent and unappetizing that there’s not much attraction to them. I have to work consciously to fight the cravings from flower essences that are preserved in alcohol (usually brandy). This is one of the many reasons I love Green Hope Farm flower essences: They are alcohol free. As an adult, it’s been interesting being a non-drinker. It’s definitely influenced my social life. I’ve never seen the point of going down to Sixth Street: The smell of urine, sweat, and vomit is just not my thing. I also found it hard to socialize with many of my fellow grad students because they went out to (then smoky) pubs after classes late at night when I just wanted to go to bed. Several years ago, I went to a mini-golf party with my kids with some of their classmates and their parents. The park allows BYOB as long as it’s not in glass containers. While I was sitting there drinking my water and everyone else over 21 was drinking boxed wine, the parental group began complaining about people who don’t drink and how boring they are. I was amazed. As I relayed this to a friend (who does drink) the next day, he looked at me with a funny face and said, “Are we still in high school?” That was definitely how it felt to me. Even on dating websites, I am amazed at how many men “red flag” women who don’t drink at all. It’s seen as a problem, even if it’s a decision made by choice for health reasons. Quite a few men argue that life is not worth living if you can’t have a glass of wine or champagne with your partner frequently or even each night. Everyone gets to make their own decisions around alcohol, though I wish others didn’t see the decision not to drink alcohol as a major problem. It just means that I find other ways to unwind and to enjoy life while being sober. © 2014 Green Heart Guidance |
Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D.
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