One of the phrases that I’ve had said to me over and over throughout the years is “you’re so strong.” People mean this as a compliment. They admire my fortitude when faced with devastating or seemingly impossible circumstances. However, this is one of those phrases that no matter how well meant, it’s hurtful.
Those who are “so strong” are facing trials that seem insurmountable. They keep putting one foot in front of the other. When someone says, “I could never do what you’re doing,” the only polite response one can have is, “I hope you never have to.” Telling someone that you could never handle what they’re handling is not helpful. That struggling person never thought they could handle it either until their world was turned upside down. Regardless of what one believes about how much we choose our destiny in this world, painful struggles are just that: Painful. No matter how much positive spin one puts on them, one still is dealing with arduous issues that they wouldn’t wish on their worst enemy.
Some people are better than others at masking their pain and suffering. Maybe it’s an innate talent. Maybe it does have to do with inner strength. Maybe they’ve survived a lifetime of abuse and have learned in a dysfunctional way how to put on a smile for everyone they meet so that no one knows the “dirty” secrets they are protecting. In many cases, however, those “strong” people you are admiring are crumbling on the inside. They’re using every bit of strength to keep themselves going each day to fight one more day of a horrible disease or one more day without a job or one more day without a loved one physically present in their lives anymore.
The next time you want to tell someone “you’re so strong,” stop and think what you really want to say to them. If what you’re really thinking is, “I’m so glad I don’t have to face the hell you are in,” then withhold the thoughts you’re having. If what you want to say is, “You’re an amazing person, and you bring so much good into my life,” then pay them the true compliment. Meanwhile, recognize that what you are seeing on the surface may not be the true reality of what is going on inside any person in a difficult situation.
© 2014 Green Heart Guidance.com
Those who are “so strong” are facing trials that seem insurmountable. They keep putting one foot in front of the other. When someone says, “I could never do what you’re doing,” the only polite response one can have is, “I hope you never have to.” Telling someone that you could never handle what they’re handling is not helpful. That struggling person never thought they could handle it either until their world was turned upside down. Regardless of what one believes about how much we choose our destiny in this world, painful struggles are just that: Painful. No matter how much positive spin one puts on them, one still is dealing with arduous issues that they wouldn’t wish on their worst enemy.
Some people are better than others at masking their pain and suffering. Maybe it’s an innate talent. Maybe it does have to do with inner strength. Maybe they’ve survived a lifetime of abuse and have learned in a dysfunctional way how to put on a smile for everyone they meet so that no one knows the “dirty” secrets they are protecting. In many cases, however, those “strong” people you are admiring are crumbling on the inside. They’re using every bit of strength to keep themselves going each day to fight one more day of a horrible disease or one more day without a job or one more day without a loved one physically present in their lives anymore.
The next time you want to tell someone “you’re so strong,” stop and think what you really want to say to them. If what you’re really thinking is, “I’m so glad I don’t have to face the hell you are in,” then withhold the thoughts you’re having. If what you want to say is, “You’re an amazing person, and you bring so much good into my life,” then pay them the true compliment. Meanwhile, recognize that what you are seeing on the surface may not be the true reality of what is going on inside any person in a difficult situation.
© 2014 Green Heart Guidance.com
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