Recently while perusing profiles on a popular dating site, I came across a younger man who decided to list his best and worst qualities in his introductory section. This isn’t an uncommon technique, but it’s not one I’d recommend because it makes such a weak first impression. I'm definitely not advising that we lie about ourselves even though we all have flaws. However, when introducing ourselves to new people in person, we don’t usually walk up and say, “Hi. I’m Jenny. I failed three classes in college and have had two traffic accidents in the past year that were my fault. I bite my nails, too.” Instead, we usually try to put our best foot forward. First impressions count a lot.
In the case of this man, he actually lists some positive qualities among those he sees as negative things about himself. He sees being introverted as one of his weaknesses. Introversion is usually not a weakness or a defect. It’s a personality type, and one that affects a significant portion of the population (including me). It simply means you are fond of staying in rather than going out partying frequently. For other introverts, that’s definitely a positive trait.
The man on the dating site also seemingly judged himself for having “little patience with frivolity.” Depending on how he means that, I could see that as an attractive quality. One could easily rephrase that as, “I prefer people who are well-grounded in life.” I’m a woman who finds ditzy types a turn off, and I’ve long ago outgrown the giggly superficial adolescent stage that many females get stuck in. So a man who sees this quality as a strength, not a weakness, would be attractive to me.
This issue of strengths and weaknesses came up often in job interviews earlier in my life. I found myself answering the question, “What is your greatest strength?” usually immediately followed by, “And what is your greatest weakness?” For me, they are one and the same depending on how they are used. At that point in my life, I usually answered that my greatest strengths were my determination and my willpower, but if not kept under control, they became my greatest weakness of becoming stubborn in cases when it would have been better to become more flexible.
I suspect for many others this is true as well: Our strengths and weaknesses are opposite sides of the same coin. Our challenge in life is to find a way to accentuate those strengths and grow beyond our weaknesses. We all have our weaknesses, and we all need to work on them, but that doesn’t mean we have to brand those weaknesses on our foreheads. Instead, we all need to focus on what amazing people we are, especially when we are trying to convince others of just that.
© 2014 Green Heart Guidance
In the case of this man, he actually lists some positive qualities among those he sees as negative things about himself. He sees being introverted as one of his weaknesses. Introversion is usually not a weakness or a defect. It’s a personality type, and one that affects a significant portion of the population (including me). It simply means you are fond of staying in rather than going out partying frequently. For other introverts, that’s definitely a positive trait.
The man on the dating site also seemingly judged himself for having “little patience with frivolity.” Depending on how he means that, I could see that as an attractive quality. One could easily rephrase that as, “I prefer people who are well-grounded in life.” I’m a woman who finds ditzy types a turn off, and I’ve long ago outgrown the giggly superficial adolescent stage that many females get stuck in. So a man who sees this quality as a strength, not a weakness, would be attractive to me.
This issue of strengths and weaknesses came up often in job interviews earlier in my life. I found myself answering the question, “What is your greatest strength?” usually immediately followed by, “And what is your greatest weakness?” For me, they are one and the same depending on how they are used. At that point in my life, I usually answered that my greatest strengths were my determination and my willpower, but if not kept under control, they became my greatest weakness of becoming stubborn in cases when it would have been better to become more flexible.
I suspect for many others this is true as well: Our strengths and weaknesses are opposite sides of the same coin. Our challenge in life is to find a way to accentuate those strengths and grow beyond our weaknesses. We all have our weaknesses, and we all need to work on them, but that doesn’t mean we have to brand those weaknesses on our foreheads. Instead, we all need to focus on what amazing people we are, especially when we are trying to convince others of just that.
© 2014 Green Heart Guidance
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