Green Heart Guidance
  • Home
  • About Elizabeth
  • Specialties
    • Healing Trauma, Abuse and Loss
    • Health Challenges and Chronic Illness
    • Pregnancy and Infant Loss
    • Healing Messages
    • Pet Services
    • Remote Home Viewings
    • Green Living
    • Organic Eating and Food Sensitivities
  • Guidance
    • Consultation Fees
    • Classes
    • CEU Seminars
    • Client Forms >
      • Liability Form
      • Policies and Procedures Agreement
      • New Client Information
      • New Pet Client Information
      • Bereavement Questionnaire
    • Payment Options
  • Blog
  • Contact Me

How Many Children Do You Have?

10/2/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
Such a seemingly simple question can strike terror in the hearts of bereaved parents.  It’s not really all that simple for them to answer.  They are faced with only a few options, and none of them are perfect. 

The first is to say, “My child just died” or “I have three living children and one who is deceased.”  This is a great way to end a conversation most of the time.  Many people in our society are scared of death in general and more than terrified about the deaths of children.  They’d rather not acknowledge such things happen.  So if a parent answers in this way, the parent likely will create a great deal of discomfort in a social situation.  The unease that it can create is harsh and palpable.

The second option is to simply not count the deceased child and answer, “I have three children.”  However, for the bereaved parent, this can be an emotionally difficult answer.  It feels as though the parent is discounting the child who has died, something no parent ever wants to do to any of their children.  While it’s easier in a social situation to answer this way, it just plain feels wrong, at least to me and many other bereaved parents.

I tend to take the third option:  I usually state, “I have three living children.”  For me, this statement acknowledges my deceased child albeit in a passive way.  People who are in tune with what I am saying are aware of the fact that I have a child who is no longer living.  Those who are oblivious miss what I have truly said and the awkward discomfort in the first option is avoided.

Similar questions and comments that are just as hard are “Is s/he your first?” or “How lucky you have one of each sex.”   It really depends on the situation as to how I answer such question.  When I was pregnant with my twins, I never said that they were my first; I always responded that I had a little girl who died previously.  When someone commented about me having one of each sex, I usually spoke up to say that they had an older sister, and sometimes I would acknowledge that she was no longer living. 

I’m really not sure what the best way to respond when someone says to you, “I have three living children and one who is deceased.”  Most people’s responses are “I’m sorry for your loss.”  That’s sometimes a difficult response to receive because you as a bereaved parent know the other person feels like s/he’s opened in a messy topic.  However, you also know that it’s not their fault that your child died and so “I’m sorry” feels a little odd.  I usually respond, “Thank you” and change the topic.  However, “I’m sorry” is a far better response than the stunned silence that some people respond with. 

The most meaningful response for me comes from the parents who do truly understand and can respond, “I lost my daughter, too.”  I’ve had some amazing conversations with strangers who have also lost children, struggled with infertility, or had other parallel struggles.  While not everyone can respond that way, it’s how I respond when someone says something to me about having lost a child. 

© 2014 Green Heart Guidance

0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Join our newsletter list

    Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D.

    Holistic Life Coach and
    Intuitive Energy Healer

    Categories

    All
    Abuse
    Announcements
    Body
    Body Mind Spirit
    Chronic Illness
    Crystals
    Death
    Disabilities
    Family
    Gender
    General Guidance
    Green Living
    Helping Others
    Holidays
    Infant Loss
    Inspirational Mantras
    Lyme
    Marriage And Divorce
    Meditation
    Metaphysical Gifts
    Mind
    Multiple Chemical Sensitivities
    Narcissism
    Natural Healing
    Nutrition
    Parenting
    Past Lives
    Personal Growth
    Pets
    Popular Culture
    Pregnancy And Childbirth
    Product Recommendations
    Reviews
    Sexuality
    Spirit
    Spirituality And Religion
    Stress Release
    Subsequent Pregnancy After A Loss
    The Other Side
    The Single Life
    Trauma
    World Events

    Archives

    January 2023
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    May 2021
    April 2021
    January 2021
    November 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    January 2018
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013

    RSS Feed

Services

Green Living
Healing Messages and Intuitive Energy Work
Health Challenges and Chronic Illness
Organic Eating and Food Sensitivities
Pet Psychic Services
Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Remote Home Viewing

About Green Heart Guidance

About Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D.
Contact Elizabeth
Consultation Fees
Client Forms

Social Media

​Facebook
Flickr
Goodreads
Instagram

LinkedIn
Pinterest
Spotify
Twitter
Youtube
Subscribe to GHG's Newsletter