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Fixing Gray Hair

5/11/2015

2 Comments

 
Fixing Gray Hairs by Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D.donated ponytail from my haircut in March 2015
God hath given you one face, and you make yourselves another. ~Hamlet in Hamlet by William Shakespeare

Old age is the verdict of life. ~Amelia Barr


A recent ad on Pinterest reads, “Fast fix for gray hair.” This simple statement implies that gray hair is broken or wrong in some way and needs to be fixed, yet gray hair is natural. In men, it’s often a sign of distinguishment and age, but for women, it’s a problem to be fixed. Why does our society promote this double standard between the sexes? I certainly don’t have the answer, but I know the societal problem is real and extremely widespread.

I got my first gray hair when I was pregnant with my youngest at age 28. I was standing in the master bathroom when I spied it in the mirror. My then-husband walked in the room, and I asked him, “Is that a gray hair?” He looked carefully, and then walked back out of the bathroom without saying a word. That gave me my answer! I talked about it with my midwife and her intern at my next visit. They confirmed for me that yes, it was a gray hair. The midwife asked me when my mother got her first gray hair. I had no idea. I told her that my mother dyed her hair with the awful-smelling toxic ammonia-based hair colors for as long as I could remember. My midwife pointed out that that was my answer as to when she first started going gray.

Twelve years later, I have a lot more than just one gray hair. My photos don’t often show the gray as it still blends well, but in person, there’s no missing it. My chemical sensitivities prevent me from dyeing my hair because even the natural dyes often contain less than tolerable ingredients for the chemical sensitive. I’m sure I’d look ridiculous with henna, too. But the bottom line isn’t that I can’t dye my hair: It’s that I don’t want to. My gray hairs are part of whom I am. They’re a mark of age. They show that I’m human. I’ve earned every one of those gray hairs, and I don’t want to get rid of them even if I could dump chemicals on my head.

Society isn’t as kind about gray hairs. I only have a few friends who don’t think that dyeing their hair is mandatory. They don’t want to look older than they are. These normally green living women aren't willing to face the way they look. They bow to society’s pressure to try to look younger than they really are. In the dating market especially, looking older is not considered a benefit for a middle-aged woman. Even though some of these friends are financially strapped, they still find the money for touch ups every three weeks along with regular coloring sessions. It’s not something they consider optional or a luxury.

I think a lot of the fear behind gray hairs eventually trickles down to a fear of dying. The older we get, we get closer to death at least according to a statistical perspective. For me, worrying about death seems kind of pointless. It’s going to happen whether we want it to or not. Rather than worrying about dying, I’d rather focus on living. Now that I’m almost 41, living with gray hairs doesn’t seem like a bad thing. Instead, it seems to be a privilege, a symbol of survival. One of my most recent past lives ended at the age of 23 or so, though I managed to pack a lot of living into those years. However, given the option, a few gray hairs don’t seem like that high of a price for a longer life!

When our society as a whole stops seeing gray hairs as something to be fixed, a lot will change. We will begin accepting ourselves and each other for who we actually are. Superficial things like hair color will no longer matter as we pick mates or apply for jobs. I'm not sure which will be the cause and which will be the effect in terms of gray hairs being seen normal and greater acceptance at large, but I look forward to a day when our culture has evolved enough to accept people exactly as they are, beautiful in their own ways.

© 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC

2 Comments
MidNightBirdGirl
5/18/2015 04:15:22 am

I henna my greys away, because I want to look as young as I feel! And I too do not like to use chemicals. I do not feel like I am almost 50, and I am not afraid of my mortality. I colored my hair when I was young for fun!! I feel no differently about it now. Hair color is really no different than any cosmetic,
I do not like how I look or feel in grey anything...I love color. Color makes me happy. I have friends with white hair, and silver hair. I have friends that wear make-up and some who choose not to. It is a personal choice. We are all unique beings, and we should all be embraced for who we are, regardless of hair color, make-up, age.

We should be able to make these choices without feeling judged.

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Elizabeth Galen link
5/18/2015 07:38:04 am

I agree that all people have the right to color their hair if they want to for fun; that’s an individual choice. In contrast, no person should ever feel obligated to color hair because of societal ideals. No one should feel that they are “broken” as this ad implies by stating that gray hairs need to be fixed; this is regardless of any hair color. It’s no different than saying someone needs to fix their skin because it’s too black or fix their eyes because they are too brown. Beauty comes in all colors of the rainbow.

However, by stating, “I henna my greys away, because I want to look as young as I feel!” you are actually reflecting the corporate ideology that one can’t have gray hairs and look or feel young. If our standards of beauty hadn’t been overtaken by the cosmetic industry, having grays could still be considered looking young. Instead, our society’s views have been changed to believe that one can’t look young with gray hair (as you clearly state) which is completely untrue. One can be beautiful and young even with gray hairs if one is secure in one’s idea of beauty that grays are beautiful. The perception that one can’t look young with gray hairs is based in false ideology and in financial based marketing which preys on people’s insecurity about their looks.

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    Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D.

    Holistic Life Coach and
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