Over the past few years, I’ve spent quite a lot of time finding myself. I love the song “Wake Me Up” by Avicii for its lines, “All this time I was finding myself/ And I didn't know I was lost.” When I started on this journey, I was seeking inner peace and healing from trials I have endured in my life. I really had no clue how lost I was. I never expected that I would end up changing my life course completely. However, I am so grateful for the results this journey has brought me.
Avicii also sings, “So wake me up when it's all over/ When I'm wiser and I'm older.” When the road is rough, sometimes I wish that was true. I really did sleep through many years of my life when I was so sick. I was in bed 22+ hours a day, and sometimes I was sleeping 16-18 hours of those. It was typical for me to sleep 14+ hours a day. My body wasn’t strong enough to function any more than that.
However, it’s those struggles of becoming wiser as we become older that make us appreciate what we have and which teach us lessons. If I woke up tomorrow and had the life back that I had twelve years ago, I doubt I could be happy in it. I have learned too much and changed radically. If I had missed those years of struggle, I’m also not sure I would be able to value what I have now. Regardless, hypotheticals like this are really pointless to argue: We can only face the reality we have. I’m grateful for the changes I’ve made in my life, and despite the excruciating pain along the way, I’m grateful for the wiser person I am now.
I also really appreciate the lines, “I tried carrying the weight of the world/ But I only have two hands.” I think far too many of us have tried carrying the weight of the world. It doesn’t work well. Chronic illness taught me to let go of so many things. I’ve narrowed my focus and have learned to change the world in small ways every day. I am making a difference, just in a way than I ever imagined before.
When I watched the video for this song for the first time a few days ago, I was struck by the scenario of the females trying to fit in a place they didn’t belong. That truly was me for so many years, trying to pretend I wasn’t an intuitive and pretending that I was happy in a marriage where I wasn’t. It’s a huge risk to step outside of what you know to search for the place you belong, but it’s worth it in the long run.
© 2014 Green Heart Guidance
Avicii also sings, “So wake me up when it's all over/ When I'm wiser and I'm older.” When the road is rough, sometimes I wish that was true. I really did sleep through many years of my life when I was so sick. I was in bed 22+ hours a day, and sometimes I was sleeping 16-18 hours of those. It was typical for me to sleep 14+ hours a day. My body wasn’t strong enough to function any more than that.
However, it’s those struggles of becoming wiser as we become older that make us appreciate what we have and which teach us lessons. If I woke up tomorrow and had the life back that I had twelve years ago, I doubt I could be happy in it. I have learned too much and changed radically. If I had missed those years of struggle, I’m also not sure I would be able to value what I have now. Regardless, hypotheticals like this are really pointless to argue: We can only face the reality we have. I’m grateful for the changes I’ve made in my life, and despite the excruciating pain along the way, I’m grateful for the wiser person I am now.
I also really appreciate the lines, “I tried carrying the weight of the world/ But I only have two hands.” I think far too many of us have tried carrying the weight of the world. It doesn’t work well. Chronic illness taught me to let go of so many things. I’ve narrowed my focus and have learned to change the world in small ways every day. I am making a difference, just in a way than I ever imagined before.
When I watched the video for this song for the first time a few days ago, I was struck by the scenario of the females trying to fit in a place they didn’t belong. That truly was me for so many years, trying to pretend I wasn’t an intuitive and pretending that I was happy in a marriage where I wasn’t. It’s a huge risk to step outside of what you know to search for the place you belong, but it’s worth it in the long run.
© 2014 Green Heart Guidance
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