Conventional wisdom states that in order to have a happy marriage, you should marry your best friend. A Google search of that phrase turns up quite a few articles, studies and blog posts confirming this very notion. Yet I discovered the hard way that marrying one’s best friend is not a guaranteed way to a create a lifelong recipe for happiness. In my case, it led to disappointment and divorce.
My ex-husband and I began dating when I was very young: I was 14 years, 8 months and a sophomore in high school; he had just turned 17 and was a junior. We had been friends for the year prior, but then suddenly Cupid’s arrow hit us and we saw each other in a very different light. Our friendship blossomed into romance, our first and only romantic relationship for both of us until the time when we separated 22 years later. We both thought we had found our “forever” person. After five plus of dating but before our wedding, I had the distinct thought that I was settling in my choice of marriage partner. My fiancé was a wonderful man: smart, caring, and loving. I knew he wouldn’t physical abuse me, and he would be a good provider. I was sure he would make a great dad, and that was very important to me. He was my best friend, yet I also knew that in marrying him, I was giving up any chance of having romance in my life. My ex was not a romantic person. I’m not an over-the-top romantic, but I am a woman who appreciates having her birthday acknowledged or occasionally having flowers or a new book given to her. I also knew that the passion between us was more than lacking at times. Yet when I looked at the whole picture of whom he was, I thought that sacrificing romance and passion was a small price to pay for marrying my best friend. It was, after all, what common advice dictated. It turns out that wasn’t true. I needed romance and passion in my lifelong relationship with my partner. I needed friendship, to be certain, but I also needed more. I needed someone who would also cherish me as a woman. As the years passed, this need became more important rather than less, and I began to realize how much was actually missing from my marriage. The time right after my ex-husband and I separated was the best our relationship had seen in a long time. We occasionally began talking on occasion, and we started to find our friendship again. What we came to realize was that we made far better friends than lovers. In the case of popular advice, our relationship was not the norm: marrying our best friend resulted in us also losing our best friend. Our relationship was better as a friendship rather than a romance. That doesn’t in any way deny the romantic feelings we had for each other. However, it does break with conventional wisdom. A year after our divorce finalized, I am far happier as a divorced woman than I could ever have imagined. I never dreamed my marriage would end, but I am grateful it did. Staying in a relationship that was no longer even a friendship was not a healthy option for either of us. © 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC
In this season’s most controversial issue on The Bachelorette, Kaitlyn Bristowe made an alcohol-induced decision to have sex with contestant Nick Viall. This was not a major surprise to the audience who had been watching Bristowe drool over Viall since he first joined the season during episode 4; the two looked ready to consummate their relationship from the start. The morning after the magical event, Bristowe began lamenting her decision nothing how guilty she felt. She realized that it was probably not a good decision on her part even if it was one made in passion. However, had Bristowe made the same decision outside of the show, I doubt she would have felt so much remorse. Her guilt was primarily arising from the fact that she was still dating many other men at the same time as she had sex with Nick; she felt guilty for having betrayed them by giving Nick special privileges. This guilt was rooted in a societally based belief system that sexual behavior should be monogamous.
All of us draw on social mores when it comes to our interpersonal behavior. In regards to sexual behavior, the rules become more complicated and more emotionally difficult. We are sexual beings from the time of our birth. Our families, our religions, and our society at large begin piling expectations, judgments, experiences and often abuse onto our experience of sexuality. These ideas and ideals about sexuality and sexual behavior become our sexual baggage before we have even begun to engage in intimate sexual relationships. Some children are fortunate: they are raised in homes where bodies and sexuality are seen as normal, healthy parts of human life. Unfortunately, that is not the most common experience for most of us. We grow up in cultures and in families that shame sexuality and bodies. We’re taught at a young age that touching ourselves beyond necessary washing is sinful and something to be avoided. Many religious groups preach that masturbation is a terrible sin. Likewise, premarital sexuality or any sexual act outside of heterosexual married love is condemned. Children and teens hear this often growing up. It may not be on a daily basis and it may not be explicit, but these messages are made clear to us as children. The damage of these messages we receive about sexuality as youth is greatly understated in our society. I’d argue that any religion that tries to dictate sexual behavior in its members is venturing into territory where it has potential to do a great deal of psychological harm. However, religions are allowed to define the appropriate sexual behavior of their members though most would judge that to be something a cult would do if the idea was taken out of context. These moral dictates of often conservative religions end up being very damaging for many of their members even once they begin to participate in sanctioned sexually intimate relationships. Much of this damage doesn’t end up being discussed in our society. Sexual baggage is loaded with shame, and most of us shove it under our metaphorical rugs. We don’t want others to know our dirty secrets. We blame ourselves for having done things that our religions preach against even if we don’t agree with the religious perspective. We don’t have an objective view about our own sexuality because of the baggage we carry. When we get into relationships with others, even if they are heterosexual marriages blessed by our churches, we still bring our sexual baggage with us into the relationships. We’ve been told all our lives that our bodies and our sexuality is wrong, but now that we have a piece of paper and a blessing from a clergy member, suddenly we are supposed to be able to have healthy sexual relationships with our religiously sanctioned partners. Yet all that sexual shame we carry doesn’t magically go away during the marriage ceremony. It joins us on the honeymoon and beyond, one of the unwanted parts of our psychological dowries. I speak from experience on this: I saw sexual baggage create major rifts in my former relationship for almost the entirety of the 22 years I was with my ex-husband. Midway through the relationship, I began to realize how much baggage I had, and I began working on it myself without the luxury of a therapist or coach to guide me. I made tremendous progress on my own, and when I began working on the issues with a therapist in later years, I found even more healing. The problem arose when my sexual healing enormously outpaced my ex-husband’s. Once we were in very different places with regard to our sexual baggage, our sexual relationship began to shatter, slowly but surely, ultimately contributing to the demise of our relationship. The problem with sexual baggage is that it is so insidious. We are ashamed of it, and we hide it away deeply in our bodies. We avoid talking about it for fear that we will receive more judgment from those we turn to for help. Healing sexual traumas and burdens is not an easy path. However, once one is able to let go of that sexual baggage, one can find great happiness and pleasure in ways one never previously dreamed possible. Through Green Heart Guidance, I help clients release some of this sexual trauma, however and whenever they accumulated it. I work from a place of compassion having been a victim of sexual abuse and sexual harassment and someone who was raised in a conservative church that preached against natural sexual behavior. I know how hard it is to heal these wounds. I work from a place of non-judgment, encouraging clients to be themselves no matter whom that is. To promote healing, I often use energetic flower remedies, essential oils and crystals to help clients release the energy of sexual trauma that creates this baggage. When that stored energy is released, it can be much easier to work through the damage of the sexual traumas most of us have, and from there, healing is much closer than we ever believed possible. The work I do with clients can’t undo the past, but it can make for a much brighter future. © 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC
Earlier in my life, I was part of a beagle rescue group in Austin. I loved fostering dogs, and at some time in the future, I hope to be able to return to fostering. Right now, though, it’s not an option for me for many reasons. However, I do what I can to support animal rescue in other ways. I have my Amazon Smile set up to benefit Dogtoberfest Austin (which in turn supports local dog rescue groups). I donate to local shelters when I have extra funds. Most importantly to this post, I will donate my metaphysical services to those doing animal rescue when I have availability in my schedule. At times it can be helpful to have insight into rescue pets especially when it’s hard to figure out their needs since the animals can’t communicate verbally with us.
Recently two women in a group I’m part of rescued a stray cat. The cat was a cutie, one whom I wanted to snuggle up with the moment I saw his picture. One of the women was debating adopting him herself, but she was concerned about how the cat would get along with her cat as well as the potential medical expenses he would have. They knew that the cat had a broken leg which needed to be reset to heal properly. Beyond that, they had little information on the cat’s origins or needs. The first thing I heard as I tuned in to higher powers was, “There’s more wrong.” I then saw a series of symbols that were confusing and which I had a hard time translating. What I learned after I gave the healing message to the woman who requested it was that these initial symbols likely represented her parents. There were parallels between her parents and this cat that I couldn’t understand at the time. This is something I would not likely have figured out as I didn’t have the details about her parents to make that connection; I also didn’t expect that connection in a message about the cat. I also felt like one of the symbols was indicating that the cat had a secondary parasitic infection. As I read down a list of common parasitic infections in cats, I was able to pinpoint that the infection was likely some kind of protozoan infection. This is not unusual: we dealt with multiple worms and parasites in our two dogs over the 13 years they lived with us. Both were rescues and came with a few extra critters we hadn’t expected. As I continued through the message, I kept getting hit by what I would call “cancer vibes.” I don’t like that sensation, and I don’t want to be passing on potentially life-threatening information to clients if I am not absolutely certain of what I’m being told from the other side. I knew for many years before it happened that one of my dogs would die from cancer (and thymus cancer eventually led to his death), so I know what it’s like to live with that kind of information. In this healing message, I was being told that this cat would eventually face cancer. The estimate I got was many years down the road, but as I’ve said before, time estimates are often not accurate when it comes to information from the other side. I wasn’t happy about having to pass this information on to the client, but I was certain I needed to. The other bit of relevant information that I received was that this stray cat and the potential adopter’s cat would get along well, but I had a huge amount of concern that the stray might pass on something to the adopter’s cat. This is a risk all animal foster parents take, and it’s why most of them keep their own pets fully vaccinated. Rescues often bring disease with them due to the neglect they’ve undergone in their previous living situations. The fact that I was getting this warning wasn’t too unusual in my mind. I passed on the information to the woman involved in the cat’s rescue. She meditated on it and decided that the best decision for her and her cat was not to adopt the stray. Instead, she surrendered him to the local animal shelter for them to help him. A few days later, she got back to me with information I hadn’t expected: The stray cat had feline leukemia virus, a virus that eventually causes cancer in cats. It also weakens the immune system and leaves cats prone to secondary infections such as parasites. It’s spread by close contact with other cats with the virus; her cat would have been at risk had the stray joined their home. It’s always amazing for me to get feedback from clients once they’ve understood what the message I received is actually about. In this case, I wish that I had been wrong about what I had seen. However, the good news is that the stray cat was able to get into a sanctuary for cats with major health issues. He will live out his remaining time loved and cared for. © 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC
(*I use the gender neutral pronouns “ze” and “hir” in this post for further protection of the client mentioned. I look forward to the day when the MLA and other language authorities will designate an official third person singular neutral pronoun aside from “it.”)
In season 2, episode 18 of Star Trek: Voyager, an immortal being named Q arrives. This particular Q has been the bane of many Starfleet officers in the recent series for his antagonistic behavior towards humanity. In this episode, he is trying to convince Captain Janeway to not give asylum to another member of the Q continuum. Janeway proposes a deal to Q, who responds: Q: How would you know if I intended to keep my word?
It says a great deal that a conniving and manipulative being such as Q is upheld for not being a liar. Truth-telling is a separate virtue than many of the other things Janeway accuses Q of being. In our society, liars are not well-respected for the most part. Perhaps this is because the Ninth Commandment in the Judeo-Christian tradition is “You shall not bear false testimony against your neighbor” which is translated to “You shall not lie” in more modern editions of Exodus. One could also argue that the Ninth Commandment arose because Jewish society already put such a strong emphasis on truth telling.
In my own life, I’d never realized how important the truth is to me until suddenly I was confronted by many lies. Throughout my relationship with my now-ex-husband there were many times that he neglected to tell me the full story about something. In our Catholic upbringing, this would be considered a sin of omission: failing to take the honorable path when one is clear on what that duty is. However, with our separation, my ex-husband’s behavior switched to sins of commission: knowing that an act is wrong but doing it anyway. In this case, he began intentionally telling me half-truths and lies (and felt completely justified in doing so). Suddenly I realized how vitally important honesty is to a relationship and how much I had valued his previous honesty now that it was gone. My respect for my ex-husband and my desire to maintain a friendship with him suddenly dissolved because I want and need my friends to be honest with me. Personally speaking, I don’t lie. I’m not able to do it. Anyone who knows me well enough will even be able to tell clearly when I’m only telling half the story by my body language and my energy. I’ve been rightfully described on many occasions of being honest to a fault: if you don’t want to know the truth, then don’t ask me a question. I will gently tell you that yes, that dress does make your butt look large. I would never volunteer that kind of information to anyone but my closest friends without being asked, though! Within my practice, this truth-telling is also vitally important to me. I have a great sense of honor in keeping my word. I believe confidentiality as vital to my relationships with my clients. I’ve noted in many places that the only reasons I will break confidentiality is if I am ordered to by a court of law or if there is a high risk to someone involved (such as calling Child Protective Services about an abused child). Recently, I had to break client confidentiality for just such a reason: the client was a danger to hirself* and/or others. My body was literally shaking when I spoke with the person to whom I referred the client and hir major issues. I was fighting back tears through it all, and afterward, I did cry. There was absolutely no question to me that I was doing the right thing in breaking confidentiality to get this person the help ze needs in a life-threatening situation. However, it was still devastating to me personally to have to break the confidentiality that person had placed in me. My word matters to me, and I recognize clearly that a person who doesn’t honor hir word is not trustworthy. I hope one day that the client will be able to understand why I did what I did for hir. For now, I know that getting hir help is far more important than me keeping hir secrets. Even as large parts of our society are moving away from a religious based moral guidance system, lying remains a despicable trait in our society with good reasons. False promises fall into this category of lies. Balthasar Gracian has written, “A single lie destroys a whole reputation of integrity.” Lies are that powerful. A person who tells the truth is seen as having a very redeeming quality and in turn is trustworthy as a person. This is the standard to which I hold myself. © 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC
In season 2, episode 8 ofStar Trek: Voyager, a telepathic alien attacks the Federation crew using mind control techniques. By rendering the crew catatonic, the alien is able to paralyze the spaceship’s movement forward in the galaxy. The alien was able to read the crew’s deepest fears and desires and use hallucinations involving those emotions in order to render the crew unable to function. The entire crew except for the young telepathic Ocampan (Kes) and the holographic doctor succumbs to the alien’s mind control. Kes and The Doctor are left to save the crew from this paralyzing menace.
The way in which Kes manages to overpower the telepathic alien is through a metaphysical concept known as mirroring. When the alien directs toxic thoughts at her, Kes bounces the toxicity back at the alien as though she were a mirror. It’s a very simple concept to understand, and it actually is not incredily difficult to practice either. One simply visualizes a mirror around oneself and asks that any negativity that is sent towards oneself is returned back to the sender. It may take a while before one is able to make the mirror effective, though practice makes perfect. Initially this was a spiritual defense tactic which I thought was bordering on immoral. I don’t like the idea of causing other people harm. I would never intentionally use metaphysics (or “magick” as many prefer) in order to put negativity on others. Therefore, I had difficulties with the idea of potentially hurting others through mirroring. I still struggle with it at times. However, the way I found peace with the concept of defensive mirroring is through the proverb of “reaping what you sow.” Based on this idea, one should never be putting out something that one doesn’t want coming back to oneself. Thus, if I don’t ever want anyone to intentionally put pain on me, I should never intentionally put pain on others. Anything I do choose to send out in energetic form, I should be aware that it could come back to me. Those who are willing to engage in the sending of negative energy need to be recognize it may come back to them. I still prefer not to use mirroring as my primary defense method. I maintain high metaphysical shields, especially in public, and I often ask my guides and angels to help protect me. I keep my vibrations as high as possible so I don’t attract negativity. It is very rare when I set up a mirror defense around me as I don’t want to do harm to others even if they’ve sent harm out towards me. However, as a method of last resort, a “return to sender” on an energetic package can be quite effective. © 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC This season, The Bachelorette has created a great deal of controversy because of the Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe’s behavior. She has definitely not been like other Bachelorettes in previous seasons for many reasons. First and foremost, she is a very self-confident woman who doesn’t put up with crap from the men who are wooing her. I completely appreciate this aspect of her. So many men haven’t even made it to the rose ceremonies (unpredictable as they are this season) because Bristowe sees through their rhetoric and behavior. She calls them out on their actions, and when her instincts prove to be true, Bristowe spares us all the trouble of keeping them around for a rose ceremony. She ejects the troublesome men as soon as she figures out their games. I commend her for following her instincts in this way. The more controversial reason that Kaitlyn Bristowe has created talk this season is because she admitted to having slept with one of the contestants relatively early on during the course of the show. This is not a novel occurrence: Producer Mike Fleiss discusses in this Youtube video from 2010 that at that time, Bob Guiney held the record for having sex with the most women during the course of the show. Fleiss states that the average number is around three which is what one would expect given that the bachelor/ette each has three overnight “fantasy suite” dates with other contestants. However, he proudly announces that “my man” Guiney had sex with 5.5. Herein lies the difference between Bristowe having had sex with a man before the fantasy suite dates and a man like Guiney having done it. Bristowe has been vilified in the public opinion for having done this. I’ve seen her called a slut, a whore, and much more in internet articles, blog posts, and comments. Guiney was placed on a pedestal for having his sexual prowess, and Bristowe was condemned for hers. Why does this double standard still exist in society today? Long ago, it was understandable (though still not acceptable in my opinion) that women were expected to remain celibate until marriage so that men could be assured that they would not be raising other men’s children. However, in today’s technological advances of paternity testing, there’s no reason for me to fear that men might end up raising another man’s child. If they can’t trust their female partners, then they can always run a DNA test. So what legitimate reason still exists for holding women to different standards of sexuality than men? The bottom line is that there are none. One could argue that sexually transmitted diseases, especially those such as HIV which can be lethal, should limit sexual activity before marriage. However, in that case, both men and women need to be careful with their sexual activity. Men are just as capable of getting and spreading STDs as women. To state that only women need to remain celibate based on an argument of STDs is a weak double standard at best. However, our society still engages widely in what is labeled as “slut shaming.” I can’t stand that term as I think it further contributes to the disregard for women. A better and more concise explanation is that our society engages in “inequality in sexuality” judgments. Women are held to different standards than men. As women, we still fight the Madonna-whore complex that so many men (and women) carry about us. We are expected to be sexually pure and holy, yet at the same time, we are supposed to enter committed relationships with a full knowledge of sexual behavior in order to please our men. Our society needs to move forward in this regard. By age 20, 75% of our population has had premarital sex, and by age 44, 95% has engaged in premarital sex. Clearly, people of both sexes are engaging insexual activity before marriage. So if it’s ok to have premarital sex, then we need to embrace the fact that it is ok for both men and women to do so. The judgment that Kaitlyn Bristowe has faced is symptomatic of the prejudice that all women face in their lives as sexual beings. It’s time for this belief system in our society to shift to reflect the true nature of the actions of both men and women. I doubt Bristowe and I would be friends in real life. We lead very different lifestyles and hold very different beliefs. However, despite the differences about how we live our lives, I can still respect her as a human being who is entitled to make her own choices and her own mistakes. Even if I choose not to engage in casual sex in my life, I have no right to judge others who do. Instead, I choose to support any person’s right to choose to control their own sexual behavior regardless of their sex or gender. I look forward to a day when American society recognizes that we are all sexual beings who live sexual lives, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. © 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC
Two weeks ago, I was watching a suggested YouTube video featuring psychic medium John Edward on a recent trip to Australia. As I watched, I thought about how I had wanted to attend a John Edward event in the past, but my health and others had prevented me from going. The first year that I wanted to go, I allowed another intuitive empath to talk me out of going. She had been to see him during one of his previous trips to Austin. She thought she had shielded herself well, but the energy from all of the people who were so desperate to hear from deceased loved ones as well as the energy of the souls was just too much for her, and she ended up spending the night vomiting from all of the metaphysical stress.
The second year that I wanted to go, I allowed another psychic to talk me out of going. He said that he was horribly disappointed and got nothing out of it when he went. Since I trusted him, I decided that it wasn’t worth the expense of going. I regretted that decision. As I watched this video two weeks ago, I realized that my health was now in a place that I could attend a John Edward event, and this time, I wasn’t going to let anyone talk me out of it because the desire to go was still so strong for me. I went to John Edward’s website and discovered that his next event was actually in Austin on July 9th! I was amazed at the synchronicity of this and decided it was finally meant to be. I purchased a ticket and then contacted the ticket agency to help me with disability accommodation arrangements under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). There, my disappointment began. The first request was met with an absolute “we won’t meet your disabilities” type response; I was offered a refund. I was horrified. The ADA doesn’t allow this kind of blatant discrimination against the disabled, and yet, everywhere I turned this week, I’ve found disability discrimination. I tried again with the ticketing agency who were acting as a middleperson with John Edward’s staff; the second response was better but still was clear that they were not willing to work with me. Feeling emotionally defeated, I contacted my guides and decided to accept the refund. I just didn’t have it in me to fight for the chance to see John Edward. After the refund processed, I sent the following note through John Edward’s website. I don’t expect to hear back from Edward himself; I expected that an intern or administrative assistant would receive it and send me a form letter telling me that it would be taken into consideration (and then probably discarded without action or change, though they wouldn’t say that to me). To my disappointment, I have not gotten any kind of response, though. I remain disheartened that a psychic medium who focuses on healing clients could possibly allow his organization to discriminate against those who are disabled. ** To John Edward: I am aware that at this point, you do not run the day-to-day issues with your business. However, as your business is selling your name and your reputation, I feel you should be aware of my experiences with those you employ or subcontract with. I was disabled at the age of 28 in 2003; For 12+ years, I’ve dealt with severe health problems which left me homebound for many years. I’ve been able to regain health over the past few years and am now able to function in society with minimal accommodations. I am not able to stand for extended amounts of time: the line at the grocery store is about all I can handle. As I can usually walk short distances without issues, I don’t use a wheelchair. I have a state issued disabled placard for the days when walking is more difficult. I am also very sensitive to fragrances. When I am in public, I have to avoid those wearing perfume, cologne, etc. I also can’t tolerate cigarette smoke residue. This means that if someone has one of these items on them, I have to move away. It’s a relatively minor hassle in the perspective of life. When I purchased my ticket to your Austin event, I requested disability assistance through Etix. I asked that my message be passed on to the appropriate people on your staff so that I could have direct contact with them. I’ve learned from past experience that trying to arrange disability accommodations through a third party results in a less than entertaining version of the “telephone game.” Etix refused to get me directly connected with a member of your staff who is in charge of handling individuals who need disability accommodation. They insisted on continuing to be the middleperson. The result was confusion and an initial refusal to accommodate my disabilities at all. The second round resulted in a slightly better response but it was still far from satisfactory. At that point, I decided that I wasn’t going to keep fighting with your staff. I just don’t have the emotional energy to engage in this issue this week. I accepted a refund and the fact that I was not going to be welcomed at your event. From a karmic viewpoint, I am certain that you can understand that not meeting the needs of the disabled is not a great idea. Basic compassion for those who are challenged is often lacking in our society, but it is not something I would expect from your organization. From a legal standpoint, I am sure as a former hospital administrator you can understand that your staff’s immediate “No, we won’t work with you” response was illegal under the Americans with Disabilities Act. The ADA exists for good reason, though I’ve found that I often have to mention the “L” word of lawyer or lawsuit before most organizations will even consider providing disabilities. I don’t like having to use that word; I’d prefer people functioned from a place of compassion and understanding. I am requesting that you designate a disability contact on your staff for your events that are on the road. I am asking that any time someone with a disability requests assistance in attending your events that the designated staff person responds directly to the individual with disabilities and does their best to ensure that the person with disabilities has a positive experience in gaining access to your events. The irony of this all is that I wasn’t coming to your Austin event hoping to receive a reading. I clearly set the intention when I purchased the ticket that I not be read because I know others need to have the experience far more than me. If I want to talk to the other side, I can do that for free from the comfort and convenience of my own home. I am having a hard time articulating why I wanted to attend, but it is somewhere along the lines of wanting to observe your energy while you work as well as the energy around you. My guides assure me that the result of failing to get accommodation to your event is part of a greater life lesson, but at this point I’m not sure what it is yet. I hope that your brief stay in Austin is a good one and that the event will bring healing to many people. Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D. Green Heart Guidance, LLC Austin, Texas
When I was a teenager, I decided that I wanted to have two sets of boy-girl twins. That way I could enjoy have four children without having to be pregnant four times. Of course, life doesn’t always work the way we plan it. I was right that I was not the type of women who enjoys pregnancy. However, I did manage to have one set of boy-girl twins.
During my first pregnancy, I held out hope until fairly late that I might have twins, but my midwife was confident that I was having a singleton whom my intuition had correctly identified as a girl. My second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 5.5 weeks. With my third pregnancy, I had my hCG levels drawn very early, and they were normal. I elected not to have thetriple screen done at 14-16 weeks because of the high chance of false positives. My then-husband and I would not have terminated a pregnancy because of Down Syndrome, so we didn’t see the point. My third pregnancy had not been easy, but my first had not been either. Carpal tunnel syndrome started for me at 10 weeks instead of the 20 weeks it had started at in the first pregnancy. Morning sickness was only seven weeks instead of 10, though. I was tired quite a bit, but that helped keep me on the couch working on my dissertation. One day while I was laying there on the couch at about seven weeks, I had a passing thought about "when the babies arrived." I mentally stopped myself, not sure why I had thought about my impending arrival in the plural, but I shook it off and went on with my dissertation work. A few weeks later, I was driving on an entrance ramp to the highway when the thought went through my mind out of nowhere, “What if they are conjoined twins?” Again, I told myself I was crazy. There was nothing wrong with my baby, and I was only having one, not two. When I went to prenatal yoga a few weeks later, my instructor asked me if I knew the sex of the baby. I told her that it was a boy, but there was something else going on that I couldn’t pinpoint. At 18 weeks, we went in for a sonogram to check on our baby. Given that our firstborn had died during delivery, I had spent the previous eight months researching infant loss and reading stories by other women who had lost their babies. If there was something that could go wrong, I knew about it. For many people, their first sign that something was wrong with their babies came during their initial sonogram. That knowledge was in the back of my mind as the sonographer put the probe on my abdomen. He held it there only for a second, and then he pulled it off and flew his rolling chair over to the adjacent desk. He began frantically flipping through my file, clearly not finding what he was looking for. I began to panic. What had he seen in that second that was concerning him so much? Finally he turned to us and asked, “Do you know that you’re having twins?” After the sonogram, my then-husband and I went out to lunch, sitting there in stunned silence as we stared at each other contemplating what we had both been told. After the shock wore off, there was only joy. The only thing better than being blessed with one baby was to be blessed with two. I carried my twins to term, and after an exciting delivery, they joined us in the world. The first six months were very rough, but our babies were worth every sleepless night we went through courtesy of their undiagnosed silent reflux. After they turned two, life became much easier. Now, as they reach 15, my twins are still an amazing source of joy in my world. Watching their unique sibling relationship evolve over the years has been fascinating to me. Twins are becoming incredibly common in our world with the advances in fertility treatments. According to theCenter for Disease Control, “The rate of twin births in the United States reached a 33.7 twin births out of every 1,000 deliveries in 2013.” When my twins were born in 2000, the natural fraternal twin rate was 1:85, and the identical twin rate was 1:300. Yet despite how common twins have become, our society still sees twins as something incredibly rare and special. I am grateful that I have been able to have the experience of parenting twins in this life because it truly has been a blessing. © 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC
Popular culture portrays psychics and intuitives in a number of different ways. Some of them accurately reflect my experiences as an intuitive to a certain extent: my perception, both sensory and extrasensory, leads me to deduce things about people that most would not be able to learn. Shows like Sherlock and The Mentalist explain part of my sensory perception of the world, though I certainly don’t function on the same level as these fictional characters. I cannot look at someone and tell that they have eaten ketchup manufactured in a certain province of China unlike the modern incarnation of Sherlock Holmes. In addition, unlike Patrick Jane and Sherlock Holmes, I can actually use extrasensory perception in addition to my highly attuned observational skills. Often it’s very difficult for me to tell which I’m using.
Patrick Jane is the title character in The Mentalist; he is adamantly against the possibility of true psychic perception having previous earned his living as a fraudulent psychic medium. However, he has incredibly powerful skills of observation which he uses to solve crimes. In one episode, Jane figures out that one of his male colleagues is sleeping with another one of his female colleagues based partially on the fact that the man is using the woman’s soap. While this might seem far fetched, I’ve been able to figure out similar things based on my heightened sense of smell. For instance, when my then-husband came home from work one day, I asked him where he had been. He responded that he’d been at work. I told him he went somewhere else that day, too. He told me no. Finally, after a few rounds of this, I told him that I could smell the other place on him and that it wasn’t a place he normally went to. At that point, he admitted that he had been to another office that day which he hadn’t wanted to tell me about. He wasn’t having an affair. He was just trying to keep some information away from me as part of a power/control move on his part. We still have periodic incidents, despite us being divorced, where I’m able to literally smell another story on him than the one he tells me. At times, it’s less obvious to me when I am using sensory perception versus extrasensory perception. When I am observing the world, I don’t intentionally use one or the other most of the time. They’re an integrated part of my understanding of all that is around me. In one case, I determined that a friend in the group I socialized with was dating someone new and he hadn’t told the rest of us. When I related this to another mutual friend, he asked for my evidence. I gave him a list of things I’d observed including a particularly minute muscle movement that the guy in question had manifest in his neck and left shoulder. The mutual friend agreed with me that something was up with this guy, but he was convinced that there was no way that the things I had observed added up to a secret girlfriend. A few weeks later, the truth came out: Everything I’d deduced was true. So was that muscle movement that I observed sensory or extrasensory perception? Likely it was both. I saw the movement with my eyes, but I also perceived a shift in his energy as the muscle movement happened. There was something beyond just a muscle movement. Yet I can’t easily explain to others when I experience an energy shift in someone. As an intuitive empath, I can feel people’s energy in conjunction with watching their actions and listening to the words, and the end result is often me ending up knowing more than I many people think I could possibly know. © 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC
As adults, almost all of us can identify a friend or acquaintance whom we would dub “a flirt.” They are the people who are constantly saying or doing things that are slightly inappropriate in a way they use to attract the sex they prefer for romantic partners. When I was in college, one of the guys in my crowd was a confirmed flirt even when he was in a committed monogamous relationship. He made women fall for him through his carefully constructed use of language. After we had graduated and moved on, I saw him again at a wedding that we were both in. He came up to me and said, “Hey, beautiful! How are you doing?” As he said it, I saw him notice my husband out of the corner of his eye. The peppy, flirtatious upbeat comments he was making were much less so by the end of the sentence because he knew it was inappropriate for him to flirt with a married woman in that way. While that might not stop some flirts, this guy did have some boundaries.
While people who are overtly flirtatious are easy to identify, those who are subtly flirtatious are much harder to understand and identify for many of us. We know who these people are: They are the people who attract others of the sex of their preference without trying. If the person in question is a heterosexual woman, she is the type who may not be stunningly beautiful or have an amazing personality, but she still has men throwing themselves at her for reasons that seem to evade our understanding. Likewise, there are guys who are “chick magnets.” Women can’t seem to get enough of them, yet these guys aren’t actually doing anything remarkable to attract their fan clubs. So why does this happen? What I’ve discovered since opening to my metaphysicial abilities is that there is such a thing as an energetic flirt or a second chakra flirt. These are the people who aren’t doing anything obvious but still seem to attract more than their fair share of attention from potential romantic partners. The reason that they attract so many potential sexual partners is because of the energy they are putting out from their second or sacral chakra, and if one is sensitive to it, one can quickly feel and recognize that energy when around these people. Our second chakras are located in our pelvis, and they are, amongst other things, the seat of our sexuality and relationships with others. When a person has an imbalance in their sexual energy, it results in this “energetic flirt” type of person. My first intimate experience with men with challenges involving their sacral chakras was the man I fell in unrequited love with. He is by no means an overt flirt: He never said or did anything that I could have ever interpreted as hitting on me. Yet at the same time, there was always an underlying sexual tension between us, one that wasn’t there in any other relationships with men whom I’d known previously. Because I had not come into my metaphysical gifts fully at that point, I didn’t realize that the energy I was feeling between us was not intentional on his part. Instead, because of issues he wasn’t aware of, he threw out sexual energy from his second chakra creating a sexual atmosphere without meaning to. For a woman like me who is an intuitive empath and is overly sensitive to others’ energy, there was no difference between him being an overt flirt and an energetic flirt. I fell for him in part because of his sexual energy that I was experiencing because of his poor energetic boundaries. I later found out that there were many other women who had the same reaction to him because of the energy he puts out. It wasn’t just me. My unrequited love for this energetically flirty man was a painful experience, but it clearly taught me that when I feel that energy coming off of a man, I need to put my shields up and/or avoid him completely. There is nothing but trouble ahead if I am not careful. The next man I met who put out this sexual energy was someone whom I knew logically was not interested in me: he had published a narrow-minded rant on the web about fat people, so clearly he was not going to be attracted to me. At the same time, he was sending me a very sexual energy. The more I learned about him, the more I understood that he, too, had issues with his second chakra that he was unaware of which greatly impact his sexual and social lives. Since these experiences, I’ve encountered other men with this same issue, and I always head in the other direction. It’s not a healthy experience that I wish to partake in. The underlying pattern that my mentor told me was there and that I have found to be true is that these energetic flirts often have been sexually abused, either in this lifetime or in previous ones. Not everyone who has been sexually abused will have issues with their second chakras putting out flirtatious energy. However, those who do put out flirtatious energy have almost always experienced sexual trauma. Their sexual boundaries were violated and broken down because of the abuse, and they don't realize that they have energetic boundary issues as a result. Most are unaware of the connection between their history of sexual abuse and all of the sexual partners they attract as well as the larger issue of difficultly in their sacral chakras. It’s only those who want to examine and work on this issue that will be able to see the pattern and then be able to heal it. Healing sexual trauma is a difficult journey because it involves working through deep pain that we’ve often intentionally shoved away rather than processing it, but the results when one confronts the hidden issues in one’s lives and body can be dramatic. It is possible to heal damaged chakras, restore them to a positive place, and create better boundaries in one’s life so that one attracts healthier romantic partners. Changing one’s energetic flirtatiousness is entirely possible if one commits to doing so and then follows through with some powerful personal, spiritual, and emotional work. © 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC
The people who don’t want me to heal are some of the most fascinating people for me to observe in my life but simultaneously one of the most difficult for me to experience. The closer I get to completely regaining my health, the more I see various individuals trying to deny my improvements. As with many challenges, the reactions of others towards my healing says more about them than about me. Their responses are not something that I take personally even though they seem to be directed toward me on a surface level.
There’s one group of people who refuse to allow me to heal because of their particular mindset. They continue to insist that I am highly incapacitated and am unable to do things that I am actually now able to do. While in the past my poor health limited my abilities, healing has allowed me to regain what I have lost. So even as I am attending events and participating in activities that I previously could not, these people around me continue to insist that I am not able to do so. I’ve had to ask myself why these people won’t believe the evidence in front of them that I am healing. I’ve found a few different reasons. The first subgroup of people who refuse to believe that I am healing are others with chronic illnesses. For them, it is understandably frustrating that I am no longer sicker than they are. They see my progress and healing and outpacing their own recovery, and jealousy fills them. I used to be the one whom they would look at and say, “Thank heavens my health isn’t that bad!” Now that I have been able to heal in ways they haven’t, they can no longer console themselves by seeing me as beneath them. They are having to shift their world views because of my healing, and that’s too much for most of them to handle. Hence, they refuse to admit my life and health have changed. The other subgroup who can’t accept my healing are those around me who have used my illness to define whom they are. They need me to be sick in order to be my caretaker, my hero, my healer. If am better, they no longer are needed in that same capacity, and therefore their self-definitions must change. This is simply too much for many people to handle. They’re set in their ways and roles. They don’t want to grow and change along with me. Unfortunately, that’s resulted in me having to leave some of these people behind as I move forward. The last group is the most puzzling group to me. They are people who are very open-minded, very smart, and very important in my life. However, they’ve defined me as ill or disabled for so long that they have forgotten that I can change. They try to peg me into this role even when I’ve healed beyond it. I’ve been able to call many of these people out on their behavior toward me, and most of them are unaware they are even doing it. Once I’ve pointed out to them how they are treating me, most choose to evolve and allow me to be a healthy person. My experiences in healing and recovery are one of the reasons I adamantly believe that individuals should not define themselves by their illness and/or disability. If their lives change in any way and they lose that part of their self-definition, it can be a huge challenge in living with whom they truly are. Fortunately my battle with Lyme and its associated troubles has forced me to figure out who I actually am. That person is not someone who is defined by the malleable parts of me including disability, and I refuse to allow others to define me in any similarly unhealthy way if they want to remain in a relationship with me. Were I to have defined myself through the illness that I experienced and if I had let others force me to believe that I couldn’t heal because of their personal needs for me to be ill, then my chances of recovery would have been close to nil. Instead, I was able to overcome a terrible uphill battle because I understood that I was not my illness. I am an amazing soul who had to face the challenge of a major illness in order to find my true self, but that illness is not whom I am at my core. All of us are much more than the challenges we face in life. © 2015 Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D., Green Heart Guidance, LLC |
Elizabeth Galen, Ph.D.
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